Thank you for taking the time to comment. Your points were spot on and I agree with what you said about the timing of the aha moments and being my own worst critic. Thank you for the encouragement and thank you for pulling my head out of the sand. It is much appreciated.
Thank you too for commenting and your encouraging words. I know your heart was in a good place when you suggested the lapband, but let me explain why I will NEVER (barring immediate life and death circumstances that only could be remedied with it) consider invasive surgery regarding my weight.
I am a single mom. I have two daughters. They don't have a dad (not really anyway. He's a typical Disneyland dad) I have to be both parents essentially and I am of the mindset that while having my faculties about me (mentally) and the know how to lose the weight (I will never lose the knowledge) then it is my job to teach them by example that I can hold NO ONE ELSE RESPONSIBLE to make me the way I am or to change me. So that they will know that when they are older, they can depend on no one else to make them what they want to be. I want them to grow into strong, independent women. I want them to learn not to depend on others or other things to fix THEIR problems.
Another point you made was about having the 'tool' of the lapband. I feel I have ALL the tools I will ever need to lose this weight. I have one brain, one mouth. I have two arms, two hands, two legs and two feet that function 100%. I do not need to train my stomach not to consume or digest what my brain says is okay for my hands to put in my mouth. I need to train my brain to not want or need to allow my hands to grab that food to put in my mouth. The problem is not my stomach. It is my brain. So the work has to be done on my brain and it has to be done with learned self control and time and if someday necessary; therapy. But I will never allow a knife into my body to 'fix' something that isn't the problem in the first place.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think that everything has its purpose in this life. The lapband works for you and hundreds of thousands of other people and I applaud your success and other's success who use it. I by no means intend to make you think that I think what you did was wrong nor do I intend to make light of your struggle and ultimate decision to use the lapband. And I don't feel that you are using it as a crutch or the easy way out. (I know it isn't easy regardless of the tools you have) I am simply saying that no invasive procedures are the 'right tools' for me. It is just my own personal opinion.
I cannot thank you enough for your comment. It had me in tears. There is not much else that I can say except thank you and know that your comment made my whole day brighter and my outlook so much more positive. Thank you thank you!
On that note, my eating today was good.
1 egg + 4 egg whites + cheese + coffee with 2TBSP creamer
Welches Fruit chews
Fold It Bread + Cheese+ deli turkey+ light mayo+chipotle chiles & honey crisp apple & single serving pack sour cream and onion chips
Funfetti muffin (actually a cupcake but I call it a muffin when it doesn't have frosting)
Fold It Bread + 1/4 banana+ 2TBSP PB2 & salad (2.5 cups lettuce) + 2BSP light ranch
After Dinner Snack
Fiber One Brownie
1609 Calories today. Right between my 1500-1700 calorie balance I like.
And some fun photos of the girls making their impromptu cupcakes.