Saturday, March 23, 2013

Easter Hunt HELL

The idea as we started today off was that my gramma and I would dress my girls in their Easter dresses, mosey on over to the mall, take a few pictures with the Easter bunny, participate in the Easter Egg Hunt where over 10,000 eggs could be found and the children would frolic around the mall sniffing the proverbial daisies as they passed and then we would go get lunch and come home. 

Something like this, only inside a mall


Nice thought, right?

Yeah, that isn't what happened.

We arrived at the mall and ended up having to walk across the ENTIRE mall to where the egg hunt was being held. AND it turns out if you didn't pre-register you had to wait in a line like this.


If you cannot tell, the line extends behind me here, then down and into the mechanic's bay, around Sears and further into oblivion. The picture below is closer to the end of the line. I am standing up several people back from the blue van close to the building.


Mind you, we were probably the 100th 'group' of people in line, so to say the line was long would be like saying child birth is uncomfortable. In addition to having to stand in such a long line, the temperature was in the low 30's with wind chill of in the teens. The girls, as I mentioned before, were in their Easter dresses which are essentially sleeveless. Soooo, my gramma ended up taking them inside for pretzels while I continued waiting - and making friends with the girl in front of me who was there with her mother-in-law.

And thank God for that mother-in-law because what would have taken hours and hours to get through took only about 45 minutes when she went through the pre-registered line, lied (not that I condone lying) about herself and myself being pre-registered and got us the little foam shapes we needed to participate in the egg hunt. 


The girls were in the butterfly group and by this time it was 12:15 and their scheduled 'hunt time' was not until 1:15 so we went and got photos with the Easter Bunny.


And proceeded to play on  the mechanical cars, ice cream truck, trains and other random vehicles they had that took between 75 cents and $1.50 to operate EACH. Such a rip off for a 20 second ride.

Anywho, so around 12:45 we head back to the hunt area which is being held in a very small kids play area. There are security guards swarming everywhere. People are crowded around the small area and small children, assisted by their parents are collecting eggs and screaming and laughing. I thought, aww cool, this will be fun.

But when they announced the butterfly group who was set to be ages 3-6 they also announced that the kids would be hunting without their parents.

UH, SAY WHAT SAY WHAT???

To say I was a bit perturbed was an under statement. And apparently I wasn't the only parent. Suddenly there was a surge of 'butterfly' children toward the entrance to the play area, some accompanied by parents, and others (very small scared others) were not. I made sure Sassy and Breezy were tucked securely in front of me so they could beeline it into the play area and I was standing directly next to it in case of an emergency. 
BECAUSE THIS FAT CHICK WOULD HURDLE A 4 FOOT WALL TO SAVE MY BABIES IF I HAD TO. 
FO SHO.


But this shit was not funny. 
One little boy DID NOT want to go into the play area
He kept crying that he wanted his mama
But a lady next to me and myself, no matter how we tried
COULD NOT FIND HIS MAMA
And so instead of send him into the throngs of people to surely get lost 
I sent him into the play area (when they designated) 
HOPING his mama would be there when it was time for him to come out

In this photo you can see myself and my gramma. If you look at the large yellow butterfly hanging down from the ceiling and then immediately to the right. I am the dark haired women with the big blue boobs. haha (My shirt was green but it looks blue in the photo)
But as soon as they did let the kids in, there was chaos. 
Pure, freaky, scary, parents' worst nightmare type of chaos
Kids were getting trampled.
Literally run over 
Some kids stood there, not knowing what to do.
Many cried, many looked worried
Many kept looking around waiting for that moment their eyes would meet their parents' 
Other kids were stealing eggs and candy out of other kids hands. 
One poor little boy got punched in the nose and blood went everywhere. 
When his mom tried to get to him the security guard held her back
She tried to explain but he ignored her

WTF?!?!

Outside the play area things were not much better. 
A poor girl who looked about 11 was smashed against the play area's outer wall by a woman in a studded leather jacket. The younger girl started crying so I got her mom (who I had been talking to earlier) attention and gestured at her daughter. It was way too noisy to say anything. She told the studded leather jacket lady she was smashing her daughter and you know what studded leather jacket lady had the gall to say?

SHE WAS PUSHING ME!

First of all, lady, how old are you?
By the wrinkles around your mouth, the stained yellow of your teeth, the bags under your eyes and your bleached frizzy hair that belongs back in the 80s I would guess, uh, 50? 
But nah, you're probably a spring chicken around 30-35, right?

Second, who the hell cares if a small child is pushing you?
YOU DON'T PUSH BACK!
Dumbass

This all happened in under two minutes and by this time I was done.
I called for Sassy and Breezy 
In the way they know I call them and most kids won't respond, just them 
And they came and leaned against the wall
I was going to have them wait until the security guard would let them out but my gramma had a different idea and had shouldered past the security guard (seeing the drama and suffering going down) and told them she was getting her great grandchildren whether he liked it or not
Thankfully they came out physically unscathed 
But Sassy was bit mentally and emotionally overwhelmed
She had felt she needed to protect her sister 
And was very unsure of everything happening around her
Poor girl

Before I called Sass and Breeze back to me there they were. It was INSANE.
They are dead center of the photo just slightly toward the top behind the girl in pink pants and black shirt.
Right next to each other.

 If you want to read the horrific Facebook comments go

Anyway, after that drama we went to lunch at Nordstroms Cafe
And now we are home relaxing.

((deep breath, deep sigh))

2 comments :

  1. talk about a train wreck (HAR HAR) What that is actually a cluster fuck. Poor kids and parents. Ugh

    ReplyDelete
  2. Holy Crap Balls! That sounds insane!!!!!!!! I'm glad you and yours made it out unscathed!

    ReplyDelete

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