Monday, March 25, 2013

Just a Bundle of Holy Shit Nerves

I am sitting here at 11 o'clock at night. 

I don't want to be sitting here.

I want to be warm and asleep in my bed.

But I have a task to complete tonight.

And I am a friggin' basket case

My stomach is in knots

I have chills

Literal skin tingling and mind numbing chills

The sound of my phone vibrating sends me nearly into the roof

It's him

I don't want to talk to him

Which is precisely why I must

((pause to check text message))

Typical passive crap

He wants to go to breakfast

I want him to go jump off a bridge

I know that isn't realistic though

So I ask what else he would like to do after breakfast and he gets pissy

Of course he does

He doesn't know what else he wants to do

I need to get across to him a few things though

And I'm not sure how to lead into them

I need him to know

We won't be spending ALL DAY with him anymore

There is no US

And that he needs to be OK with all of that or ...

Well, or too bad really

So I ease into the school situation

The girls and I need a routine for when Sass starts school

We must be home by 6. Period


I pause because the conversation is getting ridiculous

I shall return to untwist my guts when he's done with his insanity


Where he tells me he is asking something of me nicely

Which insinuates that he will ask not so nicely or try to force me if I don't comply

And I am writing a play by play basically because I am so agitated

If I distance myself, as though this is happening to someone else

Maybe I will be able to deal with it more rationally

I'm freezing

The stress is making me colder

My teeth are chattering

I have goose bumps everywhere

I just want him to stop talking

But he's still talking

And talking

And all he really says is blah blah blah

Nothing intelligent or of substance

He just wants what he wants because he wants it and thinks he deserves it

((deep breath - deep sigh))

Here it comes

"Don't take this as a threat, but I am going to find a lawyer who will let me have them more,"

Yes, he said it

He also said he is going to drop one of his jobs to do it

That's all nice and dandy but Sassy is starting school this year

And he has been a negligent parent


I'm okay

I will be okay

My girls will be okay

My nerves are absolutely shot

To smitherines


Give him a little time and he always puts his foot in his mouth

Would you like to see them here at the house?
(This would not be abnormal)

NOPE, he says

Well, all righty then. And I'll be sure to note that.

I think I'll be okay

Nerves wise

Even though unfortunately he's STILL texting me

CRIMENY it's 11:58 DUDE!

Go to bed!

Cuz I sure am.

Goodnight bloggy people

Happy Monday!

(Without Mr. A)

1 comment :

  1. Typical a-hole man. My friend's ex did the same -- the judge laughed at him and said, "If she was willing to let you come by anytime and let you see them but within reason and you didn't see them then, what will make a court order different?" He had no reply. Because she was JUST like you. She let him see them pretty much at any time he wanted -- they just had to do it within reason because she worked, they had school, and they needed routine. He wanted to see them when he wanted to see them. So, when she went into court all cool, calm, collected and with a plan, he looked like a major dumbass -- which he is and was. AND, it backfired on him. He ended up paying more support as a result because she subtly brought up that since he was so varied in when he would see them, she had to do daycare and whatnot for them because even though she would prefer them to be with him, he never had a set schedule so she had to do daycare, aftercare, whatever so she could work to maintain her home. I think he didn't expect it to be that way. He threatened, but she is the one who brought the smack down. I'm not saying be mean or lay anything on him, but don't allow him to threaten you. It is uncalled for. You've bent over backwards to make life easier for him and so your girls could see him. He has NO RIGHT to threaten you. So, the next time he says that, simply say, "OK. Get the lawyer and make the arrangements. This will be out of your pocket -- not mine. But I am MORE than HAPPY to do mediation with you and get this settled. And while we are at it, we can go over the rest of the terms of our separation and custody." If you seem eager, he will wonder what you are up to and probably drop it. You won't be eager -- just sick of his SHIT and ready to face it head on. And that is what you have to do. Because just like weightloss where you have to tackle it head-on and face your fears, dealing with this is the same. And you CAN do it. Look at what you're already doing? You are a STRONG and BEAUTIFUL WOMAN and you do NOT deserve to put up with his CRAP.


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