Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Checkin In

Children fed, Zumba done, stretching done, Greek yogurt and coffee in, drano unclogging shower . . . I don't really have much else that I have to do today but I should do laundry and then I MUST GET IN AT LEAST 2K MORE WORDS IN MY MS (manuscript). MUST. MUST. MUST.

What are your plans for this beautiful Tuesday?

Friday, April 26, 2013

Short Update

I go through mental stages of this weight loss process
I go hardcore and think about nothing else
I find my happy place and stay there a bit
I get a little bored and dabble in some writing to de-stress
(For those of you who don't know, I'm an author)
I find myself engulfed in a new plot I have come up with
And find myself sitting for ages (maybe ten-fifteen minute spurts) staring out the window watching the movie of my book in the space between my eyes and what they don't quite reach to see
Being engulfed in my books can be good
I forget to eat
But being engulfed in my books can be bad
I forget to eat
Then I become ravenous
And I eat A LOT
And for some psychological reason that I am not privy to, the eating only widens my lens of ideas
The cycle continues
Eventually I become blocked on the storyline or the climax or how to end the damn thing
(I only have maybe 50-60 unfinished manuscripts just waiting for their middle, their climax, their end or just to be edited)
And I am easily distracted by the weight loss blogs
The success of others
And I become motivated once again to work out
To eat right
To be super healthy
And I go hardcore thinking about nothing else ...

See how that ties a nice neat circle
And it is really really tough to break

Why? Because when I am on a writing stint, I literally cannot focus on anything else - barring my children. Their needs come first and then I write and when they need/want something else it is provided and then I write. I'm almost like a mad scientist who has to get her ideas onto paper before they vanish POOF into thin air, unraveled and never to be found in that exact pattern of words and verbiage ever again. Believe me, I've tried. When a good idea presents itself, it must be written or it will be lost.

So, here I am.
I am in the engulfed stage of writing.
I am forcing myself to blog. Train of thought.
I have been forcing myself to Zumba.
My eating has been suffering astronomically.
I have no idea what the scale says.
I'm sure it isn't pretty.
But here I am.

Otherwise content. The cycle will continue and maybe the damage will not be so severe. I don't want to stop writing. I really don't. I have this amazing story going right now.

So I will continue to force myself to Zumba
If nothing else I am working my heart
And I will see if I can get on here more than every 5 days or so...

Otherwise, I will be quietly tapping away at the keys of my computer, weaving words into magic like I have always wanted to do

Sunday, April 21, 2013

6 Days

6 days since I last posted to this blog

6 days since I was last threatened by Mr. A

6 days since I told him where he could shove his threats

6 days since I have been the sickest I have been in my entire adult life

6 days since the Boston Marathon

6 days of wondering why, being sad, wondering what if and PRAYING HARD

6 days of completely throwing my diet and exercise routine out the window in the name of feeling like shit, being depressed, not having any energy AT ALL and laziness

6 days and tomorrow will be 7

I haven't spoken to Mr. A

I imagine I will though, inevitably, tomorrow

I can only hope he is on the high side of his bi-polar emotional roller coaster and doesn't feel the need to threaten me when I tell him he needs to come here again on Monday (he had said he wouldn't last time I spoke with him)

I am finally FINALLY getting better

  • My laryngitis comes and goes
  • My sore throat no longer feels like jagged glass scraping the skin every time I swallow or speak
  • My stomach aches have subsided mostly, even though I am still spending much more time in the bathroom than normal
  • Today was the first day in 6 that I woke up WITHOUT a headache
  • The electric shocks that felt like labor contractions in my two smaller toes on my left foot that I self diagnosed as a Morton's Neuroma now only SHOCK ME once or twice a day. They are no longer a timed succession of pain. Thank God in heaven.
  • I am still tired, lethargic. I still have heaviness in my chest and feel a bit stiff, like I went from 28 years old to 50 overnight. Perhaps it is lack of exercise.
I am relieved that one Boston bomber is dead and that the other is in custody. I am deeply concerned for this country however, it's citizens and the people who appear from within to destroy us. It scares me. A lot. 

And I am giving myself one more rest day to completely resurrect my strength and mental stability before I start this thing again on Monday. I'm not going to go overboard or binge tomorrow. But the exercise will begin again on Monday and the calorie restriction and journaling as well. 

Sorry I haven't been present, but it wasn't just on the blog. Even in real life I have been in space. Thank God I am physically on the mend and Thank God that He is good and gives me peace of mind and heart when I need it most.

Peace of Mind and Heart to you all who need it too

I started a new FB page. It is of a conservative political nature to vent my frustrations about the ONCE UPON A DREAM great nation I lived in. If anyone would like to 'Like it'. The link is below. If you do not like it, do not agree with me or it just isn't your cup of tea, free feel to pass right along. 

Monday, April 15, 2013

Dear Mom, Love Me & Let Me Love Me

The thoughts and opinions in this post are exclusively mine. 
I reserve all rights to them. 
You may consider them to be controversial. 
I will not be held accountable if you are offended 
or misunderstand/misinterpret 
or simply don't understand them. 
Nor will I defend them further than this post already has. 
Read at your own risk. 

As a child I was not really fat.

Pudgy, curvy, with a bit of a belly sure, but not fat.

I was bigger in the sense of height, always several inches taller than my peers. I was more solid and compact (heavier) while other children my age were long and gangly and feather like, but again, I wasn't fat.

I remember in my earliest memories hearing my great grandma and my grandma and my mom and sometimes even my grandpa talking about foods they should and should not have given me.

"Don't give her that Bill," my great grandma would say to my great grandpa. "She's already had to many."

I was often offered chips and cookies and fruit roll ups and fruit chews and sometimes candy as a snack instead of healthier choices. It was no wonder I was always hungry. Being fed food with essentially no nutrients will keep a kid hungry and wanting more. But my family would scoff and shake their heads in refusal when I would request more.

"You've had enough," they would tell me.

I imagine if they had fed me fruits and veggies and other more healthful options I may not have still been hungry when I finished my snack OR perhaps I would have wanted more of that healthy item as well. Would they still have refused me, or would they have given me more of the healthy food? I wonder this often.

I learned to scorn food early on. I had a love hate relationship with it. Food was something wonderful to anticipate, something incredibly satisfying as I ate it, and then a complete disappointment when it was gone. As a child you only know what you feel. You don't realize the psychological and emotional attachment and detachment patterns forming. Perhaps the adults in my life should have noticed. But they didn't.

My mom was very thin during my younger childhood years. My grandma, who I lived with, walked upwards of 10 miles every day. My grandfather, the very successful owner of a thriving one man construction company, was into all the latest trends in vitamins and protein shakes. My grandma did step aerobics and often carted me out to the gym to spend time in the day care while she exercised. My mom liked going to the gym as well, but I don't ever remember going with her. I do remember that she liked to lift weights.

To put it in a nutshell, much of my younger life was not about me. It was about them. Their health. Their weight. Their activities. Their social lives. Their issues and the next place they would drop me off so they could focus on themselves and all those things.

When I got to be a little bit older and had actually started gaining real 'fat' weight, my grandma tried to get me more active. I hated sports. I had running. I only wanted to ride my bike when it was MY idea. Not when someone told me I should or they wanted me to. My grandma took me on 1-2 mile walks that I remember whining and crying about not wanting to go on. But she would force me with or without my bicycle. I know she was trying to do what she thought was best. But looking back and knowing how ineffective it was, I wonder if she hadn't used a different approach of my interest in activity would have been different.

When I got even a little bit older my grandma had me do 'sweatin' to the oldies' with Richard Simmons with her at home on VHS. I would do it - more willingly than any other activity- and it was all right. But I didn't understand why I had to exercise like an 'old person'. Because you know when you are 10-13 a 30-40 year old is an 'old person'. And I especially didn't like having to look at the 'fat women and men' who were exercising with me on the TV. I wasn't used to 'fat people'. My family was all thin and fit and super health conscious.

In the time that my mom got pregnant with my sister the atmosphere of my life had been turmoil. My mom and step-dad had been on the verge of divorce and I was in 4th grade. I started lying a lot, rebelling. I ate more. I snuck food at home. I stole food (candy) from teacher's reward bins. At the time, I didn't know why I was doing it but now as an adult, I realize I was STARVED for attention. The attention everyone else was giving to themselves and other people.


I know a woman who we will call MOM. MOM has two daughters; DAUGHTER A & DAUGHTER B. MOM was extremely overweight and decided to make herself healthy when DAUGHTER A was young and DAUGHTER B was a baby. MOM is now super fit and super health conscious. DAUGHTER B is tall and thin. DAUGHTER A is tall and curvy (not fat - but not thin either)

MOM talks a lot about her diet. How fat she is. How she needs to work out more. How she feels nasty if she eats too much of X Y or Z. She is constantly talking about herself, her body, her goals, her distaste about her current physical condition and other derogatory things on social media.

Recently DAUGHTER A (who is now a tween) decided she ought to go on a diet.

((Insert angry growl))

I know another woman. We will call her MAMA who has a daughter the same age and same body type as DAUGHTER A. This mom too, has had weight issues and recently lost a large sum of weight. However, MAMA doesn't talk about her weight loss or her ventures in working out, or her healthy eating habits vs. her poor eating habits on a minute to minute basis. MAMA lives life with her new habits, her new body and her child and her child has no interest (nor a need for interest) in dieting, or losing weight. She has no significant or exaggerated body issues like DAUGHTER A. She is just a normal, average, fun loving, go lucky tween.

The girl inside me who at this precarious age was feeling so insecure and fat and ugly and self conscious feels deep and raw anger for DAUGHTER A.

Perhaps it is just a symptom of the age. Perhaps it is being female. Perhaps it is many contributing factors. But I feel that we as parents lead by example. You can preach all you want but words mean nothing when your child is much more easily influenced by your actions.

Mom looks at herself in the mirror and frowns every morning.

Maybe I need to as well. Maybe there is always something to frown about.

Vs. Mom looks at herself in the mirror and either makes no big deal of her appearance and/or even SMILES.

Daughter might think, it's okay to look in the mirror and be okay with what you see

Mom weighs herself every day and complains about the number.

Maybe I should weigh myself too. But what is a good number? I don't know, but whatever it is, mom NEVER looks happy so I am sure my number will be bad too.

Vs. Mom weighs herself once a week and makes no big show of it

Daughter might not even pay attention due to the lack of 'the event'.

Mom is constantly talking about how fat her belly is, how jiggly her thighs are, how flat her butt is and how low her boobs sag.

I can pinch skin from my stomach too. So I must be fat too. My thighs touch so that can't be good and my butt looks just like moms. Gosh, I hope my boobs never sag.

Vs. Mom doesn't make a huge verbal deal about her appearance in either the positive or negative light

Daughter learns to be content regardless of what she sees in the mirror

But for Daughter A and the girls like Daughter A out there who have a parent OBSESSED WITH THE PHYSICAL AND THE SCALE AND THE NUMBER, SUDDENLY the girl - whose biggest worry should be 'whether to have hot lunch or bring it from home' or 'whether she has done her homework' or 'whether she forgot her science book at her friend's house' - is worrying about her body. Is it too big? Too small? Too fat? Too skinny? Too bony?


I believe it is our job as parents to encourage our children to be the best they personally can be and to do that we MUST invest time in them. As much time as we invest in bettering our own bodies, our own health, our own minds, our own fitness levels, our own habits and conquering our own demons, WE MUST BE WILLING TO TEACH THEM TO DO THE SAME but in A BETTER, MORE HEALTHY WAY THAN WE HAVE DONE IN THE PAST.

Here are my two daughters:

Sassy will be 5 in June. She is TALL (44") and THIN (40lbs) and straight up and down. There is really not an ounce of fat on this girl's body. And she is beautiful that way. She isn't TOO skinny. 

BUT I have to counteract a lot of flack from my family who tell her she 'needs to put some meat on her bones'. I have to tell them to stop putting needless notions like that in her mind. 


I do not approve of giving children subliminal messages that they are not good enough. By telling my daughter she needs to put meat on her bones is telling her she 'needs to change in order to be good enough' AND IT IS MY JOB TO LET HER KNOW SHE IS ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH

This is Breezy. Please excuse the clip art. 
We don't like to advocate for 'child porn' on this site.
But the little clip art bikini is cute, right?
Breezy will be 4 in August. She is also extremely TALL (42") for her age. But she is not 'skinny' (46lbs). She is exactly as I was when I was her age. Little pouchy belly, but solid, sturdy, not fat. 

Yet, in the same way I must defend Sassy from derogatory messages, I have to deflect statements for her from my family as well. "You better be careful. She has your genes." They tell me this all the time, as if by looking at her and her more sturdy little body, they intuitively know that she is likely to become obese like me. I often offer both my children healthy-er snacks like hummus and carrots or apple slices or cucumbers with lime juice and a little salt. Yet, I often hear regarding Breezy; 'She just ate. Why does she need more?'

All of this background noise that adults think children don't notice, DOES NOT GO UNNOTICED.

Children can hear it in the words themselves, their tone, and they get it. If my grandma, great grandma, great grandpa, aunt, uncle, or whoever whom I LOVE TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD AND BACK and who tells me they love me says I need to change, or thinks this certain way, I MUST NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH UNTIL I CHANGE THAT.

It is BS people.

Breezy likes to eat, and eat often. It used to be if I gave her something healthy, she would eat it. If I gave her crap she would eat it and whatever I gave her, she was satisfied. It was only after the comments and questioning from the family began that she started wanting more crap. (sound familiar? like a new cycle of the younger me?)

While my baby still loves healthy food I see patterns developing in her despite my best efforts to curb those bad habits. Just.Like.When.I.Was.Little. And it scares me. But I will not take drastic measures to try to correct it. I'm not going to force her into severe exercise or severe calorie restriction. I will attempt to correct it subtly. She doesn't need to be told anything that is too difficult for a 3 year old to understand. Simply, foods that God made (cucumber slices, baby carrots and hummus, or apples etc etc) are yummier for your tummier than chips. That is all she needs to know and if she insists on chips than she can have a serving WITH her healthy snack. But she doesn't have to know it is 1 serving. I can even split up 1 serving in 1/2 so she feels like she's getting 2 helpings. It isn't about breaking our children for their own good. It is about teaching them for their own good.

And I am here to advocate that for my babies. Correct any poor habits (not force them out of or shame them) that they have learned from  me (like eating out of boredom or using food as a 'blanky') and instill good and healthy habits. I am here to let them know that they don't have to change physically just because others might think they do. No, you do not need more meat on your body and yes, if you are still hungry, by all means eat a few more naturally God made foods.



They have their whole lives to fight against the image of perfection, the people who will tell them that they are not good enough. They have their whole lives to fight against the people who will insult them, try to make them feel inferior, try to defame their character, their beliefs and who they are. They have their whole life and it is my job to make sure they FEEL CONFIDENT, STRONG, AND ABLE to me take on those people based on what they have learned from me. I am their mom. 


I wish when I had been little, someone had taught me to love me.

Which brings me to this. 

It is MY belief that today's parents (even more so than the parent's of my generation) do not stop to prioritize their children. By this I don't just mean spending time with them, playing and hanging out. I mean REALLY prioritizing their children.

So many kids today are left with nannies or sitters or day care while parents work or go out with friends or go to the gym or do any other X Y or Z. Then when parents come home, the time spent is mostly playing and hanging out. There is no time for instilling crucial factors in the stability of the child's life as they grow. Children need a foundation to build on, like any other stable structure needs a firm foundation; so does their little life. And within the confines of that foundation are a few things.
  • Trust (mutually between parents and children)
  • Love (mutually between parents and children)
  • Guidance (by the parents for the children)
I would say that today's modern parents do provide the first two components of a firm foundation. But guidance is left up to the care taker or no one at all if the parents happen to be lazy and just sit around all day thinking the kids will raise themselves. Today's kids are so confused about so many things because they lack proper guidance from seemingly small things to ginormous things.
  • Religion/faith/or purpose if the family is without religion or faith
  • Morals 
  • Values (because morals and values are different)

Definition of "Morals"

  • Morals are the set of concepts that conform to the generally accepted ideas of what is right and wrong in a given society.

Definition of "Values"

  • Values are the standards by which the individual defines what is acceptable or unacceptable, beautiful or ugly, good or bad.
  • Education
  • Behavior/Tact/Manners
  • Hygiene
  • Nutrition
  • Fitness/Activity/Play
There are so many more as well, but you can see just from the list above that if parents are not diligent in covering these aspects of life, a child will become confused, rebellious, detached, irritable, defiant, they have outbursts, temper tantrums, acts of violence, or they become withdrawn, sad, depressed, anti-social. They get poor grades, have issues with friends or have a hard time making friends, they don't want to participate in activities, they don't want to go anywhere or do anything ... and so on and so forth.

And in this day and age we can't possibly imagine that the lack of positive parental attention could be the reason for all of this. We can't possibly imagine that the anecdote would be quality time spent with a positive parental figure. So we make appointments with pediatricians, psychologists, therapists, psychiatrists and the like. We  liberally label these 'symptoms' with disorders and syndromes and we medicate our children to 'fix it'.

It hurts me.

That so many children are labeled and medicated for symptoms that could easily be eradicated by time spent regularly with their parents; learning about life, about what they think, what they know, what they want, what they need. 

It is my opinion that if you are going to bring an innocent life into this world and keep that innocent life, you are signing an intangible contract to love, care for and be responsible for the well being of that life. It is my opinion that parents who do not take that responsibility seriously and who do not adequately prepare their children for life and how to live it need to be helped and shown how to do so or made to do so. It is not the child's fault they were born to parents who were ill equipped to teach or parents who would prefer to be doing something else and the children should not be punished for their parent's short comings. 

I do think it is our job as a society to help those parents who do not know how to parent or do not know how to 'raise a child' learn how to do so. If we had more well equipped parents, and/or parents who were less interested in their own lives and more interested in their children perhaps our children would be happier, healthier, more well functioning participants in society. Perhaps our public education system would not be as bankrupt as it is. Perhaps obesity levels would not be at an all time high. Perhaps there would be less kids in therapists offices being prescribed Zoloft and Wellbutrin and maybe there would be many many less teen suicides. Maybe adult men would not feel the need to trespass in movie theaters and elementary schools to kill innocent people. Maybe, just maybe a sense of responsibility for self and others would be reborn in society as a whole. Maybe the crazy of today's world could slink back into the darkness a little, to let in some light.

What do you think?

If parents took the spotlight off of themselves and their own lives and/or learned how to raise their children properly with a good foundation, do you think children would be better off? Do you think society as a whole would be affected positively? Or negatively? In the long run do you think the affects on society would be significant?

I'd like to hear your thoughts and if you don't want to post them in the comments section. Feel free to e-mail me: kreatingkristen@gmail.com

I'll be back a bit later with weigh in results. 

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Sunday, April 14, 2013

Stolen from Another Blog Cuz I Like To Talk About Me

My eyeballs feel like those balls you find at a kiosk in the middle of the mall where you take them and throw them as hard as you can at the floor and they SPLAT everywhere and then magically return to their original ball form.

My nose is on fire. I have only sneezed a bagillion times and blown my nose so hard a bagillion times that it may turn inside out.

I have hot and cold flash chilly sweats which I assume means I have a fever, but I don't have enough energy to go get the thermometer. 


So, I found this Q&A on a blog I read. It is about all I have energy for today.

1. Do you like blue cheese?
I certainly do NOT.

2. Have you ever smoked a cigarette?

I have never, nor will I ever even TOUCH a cigarette let alone allow one near my lips.

3. Do you own a gun?

Not yet, but a short term goal I have is to get my weapons permit and then my concealed weapons permit. 

4. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
It really depends on  what they are for. If they are supposed to be non-invasive like a routine physical or going because I have the DAMNED HEAD COLD FROM HELL then, no. However, if needles or scalpels or any sharp instruments are going to be used, then yes. I sure do.

5. Favorite Christmas Song?
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

6. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Starbucks blonde roast, or McDonalds regular coffee or my own drip with creamer and Splenda

7. Can you do push ups?
Semi vertical. This chick has NO UPPER BODY STRENGTH.

8. What's your favorite meal?
About right now, where all I can do is mouth breathe and I can smell absolutely NO-THING ... NO-THING sounds good, not even my favorite meals. HOWEVER, if I am eating out my favorite meal is a salad (santa fe or BBQ ranch) from The Cheesecake Factory. If we are eating in, my absolute favorite meal (EVEN THOUGH IT TAKES HOURS FOR MY GERD TO RECOVER) is my grandpa's homemade spaghetti in red meat sauce.

9. What's your favorite piece of jewelery?
I sold all my jewelry when I got divorced BUT I do own a sterling silver 'mommy' necklace that has a bunch of minuscule trinket momentos relating to my babies inside a heart locket. I would say that is my favorite.

10. Favorite hobby?
I LOVE LOVE LOVE to write. When I can't write because I'm blocked, I love to create in other ways. Photography, scrapbooking, or just day dreaming about plots for the books I am blocked for.

11. Do you work with people who idolize you?

DAMN STRAIGHT. My kids idolize the hell outta me. (just kidding) I would never want to be idolized for any reason. 

12. Do you have A.D.D?
This right here is a controversial question considering I have significant doubts about the actual existence of such a 'disorder'. I often think that it is lack of parental guidance, limits, boundaries and consequences that allow for so many children to exhibit 'symptoms' of ADD. So, I would say no, scientifically, if such a disorder exists, I do not believe that I have it.

13. What's one trait that you dislike about yourself?

I have a very short fuse. My patience evaporates quite easily and I can turn cold, sarcastic, rude and ANGRY very quickly. I am working on that.

14. Name 3 things you bought yesterday:
I was stuck inside this forsaken house all day yesterday. Oh, but I suppose it would count if I said I bought a few games on the girls' iPads for them to play... don't ask what games they were. Probably unicorn or pegasus or some kind of cooking games. That's all they ever want. ((facepalm))

15. Current worry right now?
Finances. Who doesn't always worry about finances. Money trickles in and floods out, so it's always a waiting game. But God always allows everything to work out just as it should.

16. Current hate right now?

17. Favorite place to be?

18. How did you bring in New Years?
Good question. I don't remember. I am assuming, either sitting here at the computer or asleep in my bed. I am a WILD AND CRAZY PARTY ANIMAL - only until 8pm. 

19. Where would you like to go?
Anywhere and everywhere in Europe. France, Spain, England and Italy for starters. 

20. What color shirt are you wearing?
Red white and blue, cuz being patriotic is how I roll ...

21. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
No. I have callouses on my feet and the fibers in the sheets get attached to the callouses and make a horrific, bone chilling, skin crawling sound inside my head. 

22. Can you whistle?
Yes. Well? No. I can basically call a dog or do a cat call, but that is about the extent of that. Meanwhile everyone else in my family can whistle beautifully. 

23. Favorite color(s)?
I love baby pink, but really all pinks on the pink spectrum depending on what it would be used for. Can we say, hot pink toenails?!?!

24. Would you be a pirate?

Not unless I could marry Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow . . . drink up me hardies, yo ho!

25. What songs do you sing in the shower?

Oh, how embarrassing. Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepson, Taylor Swifts I knew you were trouble, and any other song that happens to be racing circles in my mind

26. Favorite girl's name?
Samantha. It is so versatile. You can be Samantha. Sam. Sammi. Mantha? Haha. Or in my daughter's case SASSY

27. Favorite boy's name?
Nicholas. That is what my son's name would have been if God hadn't taken him first.

28. What's in your pocket right now?
I ain't got no pockets HOLMES.

29. Last thing that made you laugh?
Crazy cat videos on youtube. Sassy and Breezy and I enjoy watching the silliness.

30. Best bed sheets as a child?
Rainbow Brite followed closely by Care Bears!

31. Worst injury you've ever had?

When I was 8 or so I made the not so smart decision to ride down some brick steps on my bicycle. Little did I know the people who lived there (my friend's parents) had just trimmed their rose bushes, so when  I inevitably fell and braced myself with my hand, one of the sticks from the rose bush when through my palm. Oh yeah, that was pure stupidity.

32. Do you love where you live?
I love my little apartment that was made just for my by my wonderful and loving Papasito but I do not love the city I live in or the state. I would much prefer to live in California. I miss it terribly ALL THE TIME.

33. How many TVs do you have in your house?
5. One in my girls' room. One in my front room. One in my sister's room. One in my mom's front room and one in my mom and her husband's bedroom. Yikes!

34. Who is your loudest friend?
Am I supposed to have friends? No one told me I was supposed to have friends. 

35. Does someone have a crush on you?
If they did it would be awesome if they told me. But I honestly don't know and it wouldn't really matter anyway because I am in no condition mentally or emotionally for a relationship. 

36. What is your favorite book?

That is like asking me which oxygen particle I like best when inhaling. Reading is second only to breathing for me so I love any and all bound pages with words on them. ANY. (fiction and non fiction - with the exception of math text books haha)

37. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I'm 28 and other than my weight, in relatively good health (except for this FORSAKEN HEAD COLD) so, I haven't really thought about my funeral. I'd like to say I would want something super upbeat and happy but in reality I think I would want something like Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby. 

38. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Wishing I could fall asleep without sneezing or needing to blow my nose every 4 seconds.

39. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?

40. Thing you’re proud of yourself for?  

I am proud of myself for not bitching when I feel entitled to something and can't have it for whatever reason. AND I am proud of taking responsibility for what I can where I can to help others out.



Saturday, April 13, 2013

Sickie Saturday and What's Coming Monday

Because I still am and I have had just about enough of this BS
I ain't got no time for it

DAY #5

When you wake up with headaches, every freaking morning and not the kind you take an Advil for. No, this is the kind where you scream into your pillow and want to rip your eyeballs out of your head while begging someone to decapitate you just for relief . . . yeah, something like that is more like it.

When your nose feels like a hose that can never be completely turned off. *drip drip* ((twist twist)) *drip drip*

The way the pressure builds up in one side of your nose, then if you are lying down and you turn over, you get one moment of relief and then the pressure migrates to the other side

Ear aches - nothing worse than a person with chronic migraines incorporating an ear ache into the mix

Hot and cold flashes. I wake up sweating, get cold, put covers on to get warm, start sweating again, open a window for a breeze and turn into a human Popsicle

When sitting and open mouthed breathing because there ain't no air getting past all that shit up in your sinuses while attempting to keep your eyes open is actually hard work

Sneezing again and again and again, and trying to find a neutral place to do it so you aren't contaminating all the air in your surroundings but also so you don't have to go wash your hands every 60 seconds
I have discovered pulling the collar of my shirt over my head. Hey, at least then it is all contained within my shirt. I do not suggest you do this in public. You may get strange looks.

Laryngitis. I call to talk to my auto loan people and I have to prove who I am because I sound like a asthmatic, man with a hitching stutter who has smoked one too many

The cats want to comfort me. . . by laying on my face and kneading my chest. That's all great except your fur is like cotton puffs (aka needles) in my vulnerable eyeballs and nostrils and your 10-12 pound girth on my chest is doing nothing for my bronchitis.

I am still expected to perform all my house frow and motherly duties as if I wasn't sick at all

Annnd, adding an eleventh reason just because you swear you already wrote 10 but do not trust your blurry vision  counting

Or to curb your boredom . . . or to pass the next minute . . . whichever you choose

Aren't I a vision of beauty 
in all my swollen, snotty, sneezing, mouth breathing, chill ridden 

I am glad that after I shooed him off my face
he found another warm place to sleep

I am happy to announce that Emma is back to her normal
mischievous, curious, sweet little self
Thank God

The squat challenge I am having to postpone
Because when I decidedly did a few trying to push past the cold
I promptly received notification 
In the way of piercing ice pick headaches
that my body was not ready for that kind of energy output

My cousin was playing around with Sassy
Sassy got a rug burn
It was so sad
But also kinda cute because it is in the shape of a heart

My new favorite toppings
in 1/2 TBSP measurements 
to put on my morning waffles
+ 1 chopped banana

Sassy did this on purpose to make me laugh
I don't really see what's wrong here though
Do you?

Of course if Sassy is doing something dumb
then of course Breezy must do it too

at work









*Now, it is time to say goodbye
And go lay down to sleep
M.I.C - see you real soon
K.E.Y - why ... why ... 
I don't have the energy for this

Ciao peoples!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Come to Mama (Veggies)

It amazes me how much people want to eat veggies and yet don't. It is always surprising to me how much people crave them, love the way they look cooked a certain way or just know how good they are nutritionally and yet they aren't sure how to cook them or they are afraid that they won't taste good if they do and for whatever reason they just don't buy them.

My dinner tonight was PURE VEGGIES.

195 calories of absolute VEGGIE BLISS.

(Might I add that while I still feel like monkey shit, I actually have MORE energy now and my head is more clear? Bring on those vitamins and minerals)






It was so easy.

So easy my almost 5 year old could do it... well, except for using the 450 degree oven part. Yeah, I'm pretty liberal with what I let my children do, but using the oven is not one of those things.

I guess I wouldn't really let her use the super shark knife either.

But the idea is still there.


I know!

So easy your husband could do it?

Maybe that's stretching. I don't know.

Anyway, this is what I used and what I did.

15 fat baby carrots sliced in half

1/2 red bell pepper and 1/2 green bell pepper cut into long thin slices.

1/4 red onion, diced into 1/2 rounds

1 zucchini sliced into rounds

1 yellow squashed sliced into rounds

1 handful of Baby Bella mushrooms sliced into halves (slicing optional, you may like them thicker)

Turn the oven on and set to 450 degrees

I used a DeMarle silpat

And yes, as the picture above shows you can also bake on it, cook meats, roast veggies (like me) or pretty much do any darn thing associated with baking or cooking on it. It is pretty fab-o!

But you can use a nonstick cookie sheet or layer the cookie sheet with wax paper 

(you no want them to stick.. that would not be good)

Anyway so I placed my carrots on it first. Sprayed them with Pam and sprinkled with Garlic salt.

 I put the carrots in for initial 5 minutes because they take longer to cook and then pulled them out.

I loaded up the rest of the veggies onto the Silpat, sprayed them modestly with Pam and sprinkled garlic salt onto everything except the carrots (because they had already been sprayed and sprinkled) and put them in the oven for an additional 15 minutes.

I like my veggies soft but not mushy. If you like your veggies mushy put them in for 20 minutes. If you like them firmer or crunchy put them in for 10-12 minutes instead of 15.

Like I said, it was so super yummy and super low cal. Myfitnesspal tells me that today I got 509% vitamin A, 418% of Vitamin C and 74% of my iron just through that meal. 

And this is what it looked like plated.

I thought I would also share what was going on with Emma. 

This is what she has looked like for the past few days.
Super lethargic. Spacey. Out of it. And for a while she was 'spasming' (the crunching of her shoulders and shaking of her head) every 3 seconds.

We think she is doing much better now. She is still a little less active then we'd like. She isn't eating as much as we'd like but she is hydrating and she is doing small things like jumping onto chairs and allowing us to cuddle her. 

Here is a video of her today. See? Still the fattest little kitten you've ever seen but not shuddering and more aware of me and what is around her. Thank God!

And to leave you on a happy giggly note. 

Miss Sarah over at Thinfluenced shared this video that literally almost made me pee my pants.

Check it out

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