Thursday, May 30, 2013

A Simple Thought this Thursday

And I will remember this because it is true
And I am not all the negative things I call myself inside my head

Zumba has been good
I'm getting revitalized
Inspired (for something other than writing)
I'm coming out of my funk
Thank God
And not just 'thank god' 
Because He is the only one who could have brought me out
of 'that place' I was stuck in

And moving forward

A new chart of weight, measurements and BMI has been added to the page of the same name
Photos will return to the Progress Photos page once I am actually past the point of maintaining and actually start progressing again

And as for the rest of life

So Breezy bent her finger back the other day. 
No biggy, it hurt for a while and no swelling or bruising . . . life went on. 
Yesterday she jammed the same finger 
and it immediately swelled at the first knuckle and turned black and blue. 
I took her to urgent care where they x-rayed her finger, 
told me there was nothing wrong with it and sent me home. 
This morning I receive a call from urgent care 
saying after further review her finger IS FRACTURED. 
WTF people?!?!?! 
How was that not obvious yesterday????

No other news really
Everything else is hunky dory peachy keen

Going to eat lunch

Ciao Friends

Monday, May 27, 2013

I Know I've Been Absent

Words to describe my mindset this past week


These are in no particular order
I've felt each of them every day for the past week
The negative heavily outweighs the positive
And I'm trying to overcome that
Every time I put my fingers to the keyboard
And I'm not writing my story
Nothing really wants to be written

So, in lieu of my absence I will leave you with this

I am in a sad, solemn place
I'm eating well
Which is only helping me to feel my pain
I am not exercising
I should to release some pent up aggression in a constructive way
I will return
I'm just not sure when
It could be tomorrow
Maybe God will wrap me in his arms and peace will seep into my pores and I will feel better
It might be in a week or two

Until then my friends

Friday, May 17, 2013


Before the dump I must pose a question.

Is it wrong and highly paranoid of me that every time my ex goes to Mexico and he brings back his mom's homemade tamales (which have always been super delicious) that I worry that they are laced with something highly poisonous in an attempt to rid me from the planet? Because I do. Every time. I wonder if he would ever do that. If she would ever do that. And then I eat them anyway. And if I am so paranoid about them poisoning me, what does that make me if I eat them anyway? Certainly not a masochist and DEFINITELY NOT suicidal by any means. Too trusting? Sufficiently trusting? I don't know, but thought I'd pose the question to the masses. Weigh in on it.

And now for the dump:

Sassy is always entertained and tickled by Breezy
who has can make a joke and keep a straight face with no effort

You know your kid is tired
When she conks out while petting the cat
With her legs dangling off the side and her bum hanging out
(Anyone who knows Sassy knows she would be horrified that her butt is showing)

Breezy's daily mantra - no serious. Her pseudonym is Mama Rainbow Dash
(the Pegasus/unicorn from My Little Pony Tales)

Emms likes to sit like a human

Crazy Cleopatra de Mexico

'Can I haz a Chezburger plz' . . . the new face of

Modern Mexican Marilyn Monroe

Somethin' wrong with that cat - just sayin'

Undercover Country Stahhhhh!

Pierre del Valle - a la chocolat

Mama Rainbow Dash has shape shifted into a naked purple bear in sequins!

Found this coaster that I made when I was in junior high
I was slightly obsessed with the music group Hanson

The MASSIVE JUG OF POOP JUICE I had to drink prior to my colonoscopy
The small bottle on the side is a 10oz bottle of magnesium carbonate

Um . . . No words

And last but not least, a woman celebrating her 75th birthday post celebration drove straight through the window of the restaurant here in my small little town ... ((smh))

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Follow Up

  • Procedure went well
  • The prep was the worst part (bleck)
  • The IV was the second worst part (only because she put it in my hand instead of my arm like I had hoped. Hand IVs give me the heeby jeebies.
  • The procedure itself was fine
  • Anesthesiologist put something in my IV that he called Margarita and asked me if I drank. I said not in about 5 years and he said that I was about to get drunk for the first time in 5 years off of that 'margarita'. He asked me after about 30 seconds if I was 'feeling it'. I said no. He put the oxygen mask over my face and asked, 'are you feeling it now?' . . . I don't remember answering him.
  • I did feel as the scope exited my bottom which wasn't painful but not comfy either (Dude, wake me up a little later next time - God, I pray there doesn't have to be a next time)
  • Apparently my colon and intestines are BEAUTIMOUS
  • Except I have a cluster of hemorrhoids high in my colon that the gastro doc says were probably thanks to my beautiful babies and the bleeding was just probably some hard stool irritated and/or cut one of them and it bled like a sieve.
  • I woke up well, with only a little disorientation and unsteadiness about 30 minutes post procedure.
  • I am now welcome to go about my life as I like (wheww)

  • Today has been a very good eating day
  • Breakfast was 3 sausage links and a Greek Yogurt with coffee & creamer
  • Lunch was a salad made with shredded lettuce, bell pepper, cucumber, red onion, pico de gallo, salsa verde, a stick of string cheese and a couple TBSP of sour cream + 2TBSP of natural coconut peanut butter
  • Dinner will be Mexican food - because we are eating with Mr. A

  • He's back from Mexico
  • He was kind enough to turn my phone back on
  • We are going to dinner with him
  • I will not eat chips and salsa
  • I will order a kids meal (enchilada?)
  • I will not cow-tow to anything he asks/demands
  • And then I will come home and tell you all how I fared with those things I said I would not do

  • Apparently I was put on a list as one of the 100 most Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers
  • I don't think I deserve that title
  • Maybe 100 most Inspirational (On how to eff up your) Weight Loss Bloggers?
  • But I was given the badge and so I will use it because it gives me something to strive for (at least)

That's it for now.
Must go straighten my mop of hair and at least attempt to look presentable. 
I just want to go to sleep though. Bah

Until later my people

Monday, May 13, 2013

Gonna Kick It All Off with a Colonoscopy BABY!

Warning: this post may be graphic in its description and/or content. There will be mention of several different bodily fluids and functions, hormonal changes and a bit of paranoia so if you feel this isn't a post for you, OR you happen to be eating a bowl of ice cream (like me) or something equally as tasty than you may want to click over to read someone else who might be talking about something a bit more frilly and palatable. 


I have to have a colonoscopy on Wednesday. Everyone kept telling me it is no big deal and that they had one without sedation or just 'twilight' sedation and others told me they needed to be knocked out. Without prompting from my gastrointerologist I was informed I would have general anesthesia and a lot of people (like people in my family) raised an eyebrow at that. All I know is that I don't want to feel the scope up inside my butt and I don't want to feel it roving through my colon or intestines and I surely don't want to feel any biopsies or the fixing of fissures (tears)

This all stemmed from 4 days last week where I had a copious amount of blood in my poop. I may have even had it longer than 4 days because I had started my period just prior to that and may not have noticed the rectal bleeding mixed with the menstrual bleeding. ANYWAY, there was no pain but I would literally fart TBSPs of blood into the toilet and the poop itself was literally 80% blood. Not cool, not fun, totally worried. I went to Urgent Care where the doctor did an external exam and found nothing that would cause such bleeding, thus referred me to the gastrointerologist who I had seen a few times before for GERD. She said she didn't need to see me in her office first and scheduled the colonoscopy right away.

About the time the rectal bleeding stopped I began to swell and I DO NOT KNOW WHY. My feet ballooned like they had only two other times in my life and that was when I was pregnant. Literally, deep pitting edema, painful where you could feel the slosh of the liquid sitting on the top of your foot as you moved and it moved. Totally gut wrenching and nausea inducing. So, I have been sitting for hours these days with my feet elevated.

Yesterday started my low fiber diet that precedes the colonoscopy. Do you know how hard it is to eat low fiber? ALL I WANT IS A DAMN APPLE!!! But my options are white bread, white rice, white pasta, sugary cereals, dairy products and meat. MMM Those get old really fast when it is all you can eat. But I am loving me my ice cream. Haha. As if ALL THAT isn't enough, yesterday my hormonally cranky body decided that 5 days after my period ended it would be cool to do it all over again and thus started my second period of the month of May. JOY JOY. ((grumble grumble))

Tomorrow is a clear liquids only diet for the ENTIRE DAY. So I will be one cranky lady. No coffee for one and no food for another. NO FOOD! I have stockpiled lime and lemon jello, sprite, white grape juice and apple juice, lemon-lime and banana Popsicles (cuz those were the only kind I could find made with preservatives only - no pulp or rind allowed - grrr) chicken broth, and tea. During the day I need to drink 32-64 ounces of plain water and then tomorrow night begins the fun. The 64oz container of GodKNOWSWhat the hell it is that is supposed to send the shit right outta me plus magnesium bicarbonate. In total, I am going to be floating away to the hospital the next day with all the fluids I will be taking in tomorrow.

That being said I am interested to see just how much water weight I have gained with this retention. My ankles have soc indentations in them that make my feet look like they belong to Ronald McDonald and lately when I have woken up in the mornings my eyelids are as puffy as if I had cried rivers the night before. How do I know this? Because there have been times where I have cried rivers and buckets and my eyes didn't look quite as bad as they look in the morning these days. I have indentations all over my body from my sheets or my clothes or my pillow and it takes hours for them to fade, but they never completely fade. Tonight I walked over to my grandparents house and trying to get my tennis shoes on was a flippin joke. I felt like my shoes had shrunk 2 sizes and I had to untie them to get them on (cuz I'm one of those lazy kinda girls who leaves them tied and just slips them on and off)

On a final happy note, my bathroom (the one my grandfather is building in my apartment) is 50% done and now has a working toilet so that no one can tell me I can't take a shit tomorrow as the fluids and laxatives work their magic. YAY!!!

I am sure I will be back eventually to talk about the procedure itself and what was found and where I plan to go from there. But as my gramma said, this is a great time to kick start my healthy eating again. A good colon cleanse, the cleaning out of all the crap and voila, FRESH START A LA COLONOSCOPY.

Onward . . .

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day Blog Shout Out


I'm shouting out to some of my favorite blogs 
in honor of Mother's Day

*These are only Mama Bloggers so don't feel left out if you're not a mama

*These are the people I read on a daily basis 
and who inspire me to move forward in life 
and weight loss 
and sometimes even being a parent

This girl is like SUPAH WOMAN! No seriously, I really look up to her. Oh and her food always looks delicious and makes me drool on my computer 

As real as real gets. Inspiring, motivational and gives you a call out when you need it and calls in to check on you when you've been absent. I think she and I would get along very well in real life. 

Read her blog, look at her before and after pictures. She's the real deal when it comes to success but it's not all shits and giggles. She struggles too which makes her blog real and very personable

Much like Katie above at Runs for Cookies, all you really have to do is read her blog and look at her before and after pictures. She is inspiration personified.

Funny as all heck and inspirational to boot. She works, she plays, she runs, she blogs, and she has a gorgeous boy who is an inspiration himself. I absolutely LOVE LOVE her blog and everything she has to say always!

She is nothing if not dependable with her consistent food logging, her weight loss, her good advice and her sweet comments.

This woman leads a life I aspire to. Married to the kind of man any woman would dream of having for a husband with adorable kids. She has her life on straight, is an example for the masses and is friggin hilarious to top it all off

Keeping it real. 100% Honest about her struggles and successes not only in weight loss/maintenance but life in general. Love her stories about 'Puff' but you'll have to head over there to learn all about that.

So to YOU LADIES and to all the other Mamas and Mama Bloggers out there:


May your day be full of smiles 
and laughter 
and making beautiful memories with your babies.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Now You See Me . . .

I want to see that movie

So the question I have received in one comment and two e-mails is 'Why have I been absent?'

Well, a shit storm of reasons that would take years to explain in all they're dementedly fun detail and frankly, I'm just not up for it, so here's the gist.

  • First, I have been writing. I have 6 chapters and over 20k words. I'm feeling pretty accomplished and welcome beta readers who are interested in editing ... 


  • Last week I found out my ex husband's nephew was arrested for charges of SODOMY III . . . for those of you who don't know; in Oregon where they live that means an adult over the age of 21 having deviant *oral or anal* sex with a minor under 16. HOLY EFFING HELL!
  • Lase week I found out my ex husband's nephew is being held by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) somewhere because yes, my ex nephew is here illegally. YES, I reported it many times. NO, they did nothing until he committed a class C felony.
  • Last week I found out that all of this took place in the beginning of January which means my ex husband had been keeping this information from me for 3 months ...
  • I debated having words with him but decided silence was golden

  • Then, as if that isn't enough, I got my period on the 1st of May. No biggy right? That happens every months.
  • Well, then I started bleeding rectally (fun times huh?) and didn't realize it until my period went brown and the bright red blood was still flowing from the back side.
  • The thing is, that it wasn't like a spot of blood. It was bright red blood and lots of it, in my stool, like I was having a period from my butt. There were even a few times I farted and like a leaking faucet I spared at least a TBSP of blood with each friggin fart
  • That lasted for 4 days (if not longer due to the fact that the rectal blood and menstrual blood could have mixed and I was bleeding days before I realized)
  • Now, I have to have a colonoscopy this coming Wednesday under general anesthesia. Joy for laxatives and strange crap drinks I have to ingest not to mention the fasting... I'm.Just.So.Excited.

  • My ex didn't see the girls this Monday. He was invited and given every opportunity, but like the immature little boy he is, he chose not to come because he didn't want to be at MY house.
  • I might have had a change of heart if he hadn't withheld the information about his sexually deviant nephew who had kinky sex with a girl under 16 getting arrested. But he did withhold the information and now he just can't be trusted ... not that I ever really trusted him anyway, but even less and to a much more severe degree now. 
  • Yesterday he texted me randomly asking for a dress, a pair of pants and a shirt from my daughters. YES, FROM. I told him no, if he wanted to buy or have clothes made for them he knew their sizes. The whole thing weirded me out.
  • He told me he was coming by to visit them today and I asked him why it was okay to visit them today at my house but not Monday. He said forget it and dropped the subject.
  • He turned off my phone so now I have no phone
  • And today he left for Mexico. He did not call to say goodbye to his daughters . . . oh wait, that's because he turned off my phone. ((sigh))
  • He's such a gem of a dad.

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