Monday, May 13, 2013

Gonna Kick It All Off with a Colonoscopy BABY!

Warning: this post may be graphic in its description and/or content. There will be mention of several different bodily fluids and functions, hormonal changes and a bit of paranoia so if you feel this isn't a post for you, OR you happen to be eating a bowl of ice cream (like me) or something equally as tasty than you may want to click over to read someone else who might be talking about something a bit more frilly and palatable. 


I have to have a colonoscopy on Wednesday. Everyone kept telling me it is no big deal and that they had one without sedation or just 'twilight' sedation and others told me they needed to be knocked out. Without prompting from my gastrointerologist I was informed I would have general anesthesia and a lot of people (like people in my family) raised an eyebrow at that. All I know is that I don't want to feel the scope up inside my butt and I don't want to feel it roving through my colon or intestines and I surely don't want to feel any biopsies or the fixing of fissures (tears)

This all stemmed from 4 days last week where I had a copious amount of blood in my poop. I may have even had it longer than 4 days because I had started my period just prior to that and may not have noticed the rectal bleeding mixed with the menstrual bleeding. ANYWAY, there was no pain but I would literally fart TBSPs of blood into the toilet and the poop itself was literally 80% blood. Not cool, not fun, totally worried. I went to Urgent Care where the doctor did an external exam and found nothing that would cause such bleeding, thus referred me to the gastrointerologist who I had seen a few times before for GERD. She said she didn't need to see me in her office first and scheduled the colonoscopy right away.

About the time the rectal bleeding stopped I began to swell and I DO NOT KNOW WHY. My feet ballooned like they had only two other times in my life and that was when I was pregnant. Literally, deep pitting edema, painful where you could feel the slosh of the liquid sitting on the top of your foot as you moved and it moved. Totally gut wrenching and nausea inducing. So, I have been sitting for hours these days with my feet elevated.

Yesterday started my low fiber diet that precedes the colonoscopy. Do you know how hard it is to eat low fiber? ALL I WANT IS A DAMN APPLE!!! But my options are white bread, white rice, white pasta, sugary cereals, dairy products and meat. MMM Those get old really fast when it is all you can eat. But I am loving me my ice cream. Haha. As if ALL THAT isn't enough, yesterday my hormonally cranky body decided that 5 days after my period ended it would be cool to do it all over again and thus started my second period of the month of May. JOY JOY. ((grumble grumble))

Tomorrow is a clear liquids only diet for the ENTIRE DAY. So I will be one cranky lady. No coffee for one and no food for another. NO FOOD! I have stockpiled lime and lemon jello, sprite, white grape juice and apple juice, lemon-lime and banana Popsicles (cuz those were the only kind I could find made with preservatives only - no pulp or rind allowed - grrr) chicken broth, and tea. During the day I need to drink 32-64 ounces of plain water and then tomorrow night begins the fun. The 64oz container of GodKNOWSWhat the hell it is that is supposed to send the shit right outta me plus magnesium bicarbonate. In total, I am going to be floating away to the hospital the next day with all the fluids I will be taking in tomorrow.

That being said I am interested to see just how much water weight I have gained with this retention. My ankles have soc indentations in them that make my feet look like they belong to Ronald McDonald and lately when I have woken up in the mornings my eyelids are as puffy as if I had cried rivers the night before. How do I know this? Because there have been times where I have cried rivers and buckets and my eyes didn't look quite as bad as they look in the morning these days. I have indentations all over my body from my sheets or my clothes or my pillow and it takes hours for them to fade, but they never completely fade. Tonight I walked over to my grandparents house and trying to get my tennis shoes on was a flippin joke. I felt like my shoes had shrunk 2 sizes and I had to untie them to get them on (cuz I'm one of those lazy kinda girls who leaves them tied and just slips them on and off)

On a final happy note, my bathroom (the one my grandfather is building in my apartment) is 50% done and now has a working toilet so that no one can tell me I can't take a shit tomorrow as the fluids and laxatives work their magic. YAY!!!

I am sure I will be back eventually to talk about the procedure itself and what was found and where I plan to go from there. But as my gramma said, this is a great time to kick start my healthy eating again. A good colon cleanse, the cleaning out of all the crap and voila, FRESH START A LA COLONOSCOPY.

Onward . . .


  1. I hope they figure out what's causing it. That must be scary.

    I've nominated you for a Liebster award. Please check out my blog about it if you'd like to participate. :)

  2. oh my! If they find nothing *please* follow up with your girlie DR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Good luck! Your gramma sounds like a smart lady! After all that poop/ low fiber you have been eating you will want healthy veggies I am sure.

  3. Oh geez... Prayers for you. You WILL get through this! ((hugs))

  4. hugs chick!! hope they find what's going on!!

  5. I had one of those done and it was a piece of cake. In fact, I found it nice to be "cleaned out" for once. Best wishes on yours.


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