Sunday, June 23, 2013

Pointlessness and Rubbish in My Brain

I keep writing a new post and scrapping it, feeling like it's pointless to write anything down at this point. And truly, not because there isn't a friggin' butt load to write down but because some of it feels insignificant and the significant stuff are topics I am not ready to write about and be criticized for.

My eating, exercise and weight loss are going just splendid. I've been cycling my calories and averaging (as I said before) about 1770 calories a day. The scale is pleased with me and thus I am pleased with the scale. My ankles have returned to pre-swollen state and have remained there for a good two weeks now. I am suspicious that it has something to do with a hormone imbalance because it was approximately two weeks ago that I re-administered the depo provera shot to myself and that was when things in my body (headaches, swelling and being agitated) started to lessen and eventually disappeared.

I will say I am pretty full of anxiety right now. I wish I could squelch it but there is no squelching it. I just need to remember that my life, my girls' lives, and everything that happens in them is in God's hands. He knows what He's doing and I just need to pray that he guides me in the right direction and opens doors where they ought to be opened and close them where He sees fit.

I am also suffering from a bit of OCD when it comes to certain (non-eating) behaviors in my life. I find myself wondering why I do some of these things and if it really makes such a difference or if it is at all beneficial and the answer in my logical mind was no it doesn't make a difference, no there is no benefit and I should really stop doing these things. However, the obsessive compulsive part of me persuades my logical side to do it anyway which causes me a kind of relief followed by insurmountable stress, and worry and mental grief. But I can overcome this. I will over come it. And please don't suggest I see a shrink who will prescribe meds to help me. I don't do meds unless I'm dying or in unbelievable pain.

On a happier note, yesterday I received my supplements from Weight Loss Supplements by Trusted Nutrients that I am supposed to review but by the time I got to the post office it was closed and the package apparently was too large to stuff into the box. So, I will pick it up tomorrow (after our day with the girls' dad) and check out the contents and from there I will start the supplements on Tuesday and see how things go.

Speaking of tomorrow with the girls' dad, we are going to see Monster's University which I have heard conflicting reviews of. People who do not share my taste in movies have said it is horrible while people who like the same stuff as me said it was pretty cute. Then again, these same people who like the majority of stuff I do not do share a few favorites in common, so I'm not sure what to expect. Anyone else seen it?

Tuesday Breezy goes back to the Pediatric Orthopedic doctor to make sure her finger break is healing well. It isn't swollen anymore nor black and blue which I can only guess is a good sign. However, the poor kid has become so accustomed to the splint that when she takes it off for baths now she immediately wants it back on when she's dried. She feels naked without her finger splint. I hate to have to break it to her that if her finger is better we are going to have to chuck Mr. Foam Splint in the trash soon. I guess we'll see how that goes.

And this is where I leave you, hoping I am inspired to come back with something more to write about. Tuesday I will write about the supplements, that is for sure and the 30th is my monthly weigh in and I will do measurements and photos even though I don't know if I will again be in the progress stage or moving back down to where I was stage. We shall see and with that, I am off.

Goodnight blog world

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