Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Because Everything Wasn't Shitty Enough?

I really ought not complain. In reality things could be so significantly worse than they actually are but writing it down is somehow cathartic and also allows some kind of stress relief.

Yesterday was the Ex's normal visit day but due to the 'incident' from the previous Monday, I had informed him that we would revert to the court ordered parenting plan where he would see the girls at a visitation center supervised by professionals. He completely ignored that.

A little bit of info: We both have iPhones with Find My Phone on them where each iPhone can be tracked. 

Well, I was feeling anxious and fearful and tracked his iPhone. And to be completely honest it felt like something out of a horror story. If it had been night time and not 10am I might have had a heart attack.

So, as the GPS found his phone I was looking at the Google Map displayed on the screen and noticed the buildings looked familiar. The streets looked familiar. And then I noticed that the green dot that represented his phone was moving up what appeared to be a sidewalk. Very familiar sidewalk and as it donned on me that it was MY HOUSE I was looking at, the doorbell rang - and rang - and rang.

I freaked out closing the door that separates my apartment from the rest of the house, closing the blinds and called my gramma who lives across the alley to come over.

(BECAUSE YES, I WAS THAT FREAKED OUT THAT HE ARRIVED SO ABRUPTLY AND UNANNOUNCED - not to mention my anxiety filled premonition and his timing!!)

We proceeded to watch the green dot on the Google map circle my house from the front, all the way around the side and then around the street toward the alley that leads to the backyard. He spent some time moving around the house and then went back to the front. He sat in his car for quite a while, doing I'm not sure what.

Then proceeded to drive to my Aunt's house where he woke up my uncle who had missed work because he was feeling ill. He spent 20 minutes relaying 'his side' of the whole situation to my uncle (who mind you, didn't even know what happened the Monday prior, let alone that my ex was stalking the neighborhood)

Anyway, meanwhile I had tried to call my uncle and then called my aunt - who had been out at volleyball practice with my cousin and was on her way home. She called the cops. She did not appreciating my abusive and threatening ex husband arriving unannounced at her house and trespassing through her side and back yard before finally ringing the doorbell.

I had already called the cops because I just didn't understand what he was doing in my neighborhood for over 45 minutes. Eventually my Uncle - who just about had a heart attack after hearing his doorbell ring, his dog going nutzo from having a 'visitor', realizing who the 'visitor' was, realizing he was going to have to listen to a sob story, hearing his phone ring off the hook (my aunt, myself and 911 operators confirming my ex was there) on top of feeling ill with a migraine and upset stomach - eventually he realized that this was a very bad situation and informed my ex husband that he needed to leave because the cops were on their way.

He did leave before the cops arrived and I filed a report.

Then it comes to my attention that my ex husband signed up for a dating site. Fine, whatever. I don't care. However, I AM affected by the fact that he used a picture that included my two daughters as his ID photo. I asked him to remove it and this is the roller coaster ride of emotions he always takes me on. He apologized profusely, saying he didn't know even how he signed up for the site and that he didn't know the girls appeared in the picture. Then - through e-mail which of course I saved for if there were any doubt that he requested it - he provided me with his login information and asked me to deactivate his account because he didn't know how. In any other circumstances I would have told him to figure it out or ask someone else, but because I wanted my daughters' photo down I did as he asked.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I think my blood pressure is up now, even though it feels good to get it off my chest.

On a positive note, I am 3 days now with no Aspartame (except a minimal amount in a piece of gum I was offered that I didn't realize was sugar free)

The symptoms I had been experiencing on a daily basis that were the most agonizing were as follows:

  • Migraines
  • Sheet lightning and auras behind my closed eyelids
  • Muscle spams (mostly in my hands but also in my feet and shoulders)
  • Serious GI upset with no 'result'
  • Severe exhaustion
  • Depression
Now three days free of Aspartame I have not had a migraine, though I have had an ongoing headache which is consistent with Aspartame withdrawal. No more auras or strange lights behind my eyes. No more muscle spasms. Minimal GI upset, NO EXHAUSTION, and a much brighter outlook on life. 

Some might say it is all psychological but after reading all the symptoms (because there are so many more) I realized that it is one thing to feed myself to the point of obesity. It is a completely other thing to poison myself with something that while the FDA approves, also lists one of the symptoms as DEATH. Yeah, I don't think so.

So, from now on, no diet beverages for myself or my girls. Nor diet/sugar free yogurts or gums. Full sugar or something modified depending on what it is but no more aspartame for these girls. Nope nope!

As for the eating myself to obesity - which I have already done. I am mentally trying to tackle that giant also. There was a set back with Weight Watchers so every day I am trying to be mindful of what I eat while I try to motivate myself into being 100% in this thing. There's nothing to hold me back anymore. My life is mine. I need to take it by the horns and make it EVERYTHING IT CAN BE. 

Until next time

1 comment :

  1. Update? How is the no fake sugar going? Typed as I drink some fake sugar. LOL I am horrible!

    ReplyDelete

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