Sunday, July 28, 2013

Not Welcome at Church


  • Hello, I just wanted to stop by because I wanted to address something I experienced today at church. I have been going to this church for 5 years and both my daughters have grown up in the Sunday school classes. We LOVE it there.
    Unfortunately we have been unable to attend church for the past several months because of some traumatic personal issues within our family. These issues have caused severe separation anxiety between my 4 & 5 year old as well as exacerbated their fear of men which they had always been wary of in the first place.
    I was finally able and so excited to attend second service this morning and told the girls they could stay together because otherwise they didn't want to go. I was unaware that outdoor Sunday school had begun and that my 4 year old would not be able to stay with her sister.
    I am a reasonable person and completely understand that the teachers and volunteers cannot be held responsible for children who do not belong in the grades that are supposed to be outside. However, upon being told that the 3-4 year old class was available and me responding that my 4 year old does not like that class at all I was told that if I spoke of the class in a good light than she might change her mind. And it wasn't in the words themselves or the intention behind them that I am assuming was for the best interest of my daughter -- but the tone and the facial expression that were delivered that hurt my heart.
    I wish my daughter wasn't so hurt by someone in her life that simply speaking positively about the Sunday school class that she physically fears because it is taught primarily by men would change her mind, or comfort her. Unfortunately, it won't.
    Thankfully her big sister has an enormous heart and more compassion in her 5 year old body than I know most adults have and offered to accompany her little sister inside the sanctuary where they sat quietly for most of the service.
    However, I was uncomfortable for the majority of the service, not because I felt inconvenienced by the presence of my daughters in the sanctuary. On the contrary it was a pleasure to have them. But because I honestly had never felt less welcome somewhere as a mother dealing with personal trauma.
    For that reason I will wait until fall to return to services and I can only ask for someone else who might be in my shoes, that while the rules are to be followed and safety for the children of course is to be foremost that perhaps if another mother comes to any of the church staff asking for a favor (even if it something that can't be done) that a little more time and a little more finesse - as simple as a smile - be taken for that person. Thank you

    This is the letter I sent to via their Facebook page to my church today. I am truly saddened by my experience. And of all the people to make someone feel unwelcome, I couldn't believe that it came from none other than the pastor's wife. I felt numb. 
    Church is a place I go for worship, fellowship, to learn, support, acceptance and the company of other Christians. Instead I felt judged, unwelcome, and shunned as if I wasn't doing my job as a mother well enough because I hadn't thought of speaking positively about the Sunday school class. 
    I'm just sad.

    Today I decided I would stop using products with aspartame in them. No more Diet Coke or Splenda for me. I have 47 of the 92 FDA verified and published symptoms of aspartame poisoning some of which include migraines, vision changes, hearing changes, exhaustion and fatigue, difficult weight loss, mild - severe depression, memory loss, slurred or impaired speech, muscle spasms --- And these are just a few of the ones I DO have... there are literally 92 symptoms associated with aspartame. 
    I will be checking all ingredients of the foods my girls and I eat from now on to ensure there is no aspartame and no soy. 

    Breezy's 4th birthday is Saturday. We will be celebrating at Chuck E Cheese on Thursday, family dinner on Friday and then on her birthday we will go somewhere fun. I am excited for her to open her gifts because since months ago when she outgrew her bike all she has asked for was a new one and she's going to get her wish!! Plus some awesome horse toys, including a life size pony that I am sure she is going to flip over. My aunt is also going to get her some riding lessons so it ought to be one fantastic birthday.

    Meanwhile, I'm trying to live without dwelling in the darkness of worry and depression and irritability. It is so very much easier said than done but I'm working on it. 




2 comments :

  1. I am so sorry you had that experience at your church! I don't attend church because church politics make me angry, but God and I are tight.

    You're right, others have no idea what you've been through and why your daughters wanted to be in the same class together, and they're ok to want to do that.

    Please keep talking to God about what is going on in your life. He loves you so much and will be with you every step of the way!

    I'll be praying for you and your daughters for God to give y'all peace and comfort every day! I'll also pray for your pastor's wife that God will show her what compassion for His people is.

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  2. I hear ya. I've cut way back on my aspartame as well. I use stevia now. It's not used as wide-spread, but I use it at home all the time.

    Sorry for the issues at your church, and that it won't be a place for you to go for a bit. I'm sure that feels pretty painful. I struggle with depression, too, and it is not easy. Sending hugs.

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