I just feel low.
For no real particular reason.
And then to make my low-ness even lower
I get an e-mail from the ex.
"I really want you to let me see the girls tomorrow."
Well, we've already discussed that he can't see them unless he follows the parenting plan which is at a supervised visitation center and he flat refuses.
So, here I am stuck in a dilemma.
My oldest (after the whole calling the police shenanigans he pulled) is extremely fearful of seeing him.
My little one is neutral and even leaning on the side of wanting to see him because she knows he will buy her toys.
Part of me thinks, what is the harm of letting him see them for a couple hours?
While my logical mind ticks of the reasons why the above thought shouldn't even cross my mind:
- He called the police on me for no good reason
- He is not stable or consistent
- He is a loose cannon and I no longer know his limits
- He isn't following the parenting plan
- When I give him an inch he takes ten miles
And the list goes on and on infinitum.
So, I really want to e-mail him back and say, "how many times must I say this?" or "how many times do we have to have this very same conversation?" but I just don't have the energy in me. I don't want to respond at all. HE KNOWS WHAT HE SHOULD DO and he just isn't going to do it.
I DO NOT want him just showing up at my house like he did a few weeks ago though. That would be as scary and devastating as if it were the first time he had done it. I don't like him showing up unannounced. He really truly scares me that much.
Which is another bullet as to why I should not even contemplate letting him see the children outside of the parenting plan.
I'm just so exhausted.
So tired of him wanting to be a part time dad - when it's convenient for him or when it proves something or wreaks some kind of vengeance on me. Those are the times when he wants to see them. Like last week, he didn't even bother to contact them. In fact there has been no contact with them for 13 days now. Tomorrow would have been 2 weeks and very well may continue on into 3 weeks if he doesn't somehow get his act together.
I just don't know. I'm so so very tired.
What is your opinion? Let me know.
Stay tuned for my 2nd week weigh in tomorrow. At least there is one good thing to look forward to.