Thursday, November 21, 2013

Seeking Perfection in My Imperfection

I have spent most of my life searching for something to make me happy. I felt that there had to be something in this world that would make me feel whole, and good and right. I looked for that something in material possessions, money and even people ... especially people. I craved acceptance from complete strangers and changed who I was, and what I thought and what I said and even what I did to achieve that acceptance.

Recently I decided not to look any further in this world for something to make me happy. Not only have I realized that this is a futile and endless struggle because nothing in this life can make me happy and keep me happy ... Only I can provide my own contentment. Only I can choose to enjoy my life in the moment or choose to search in vain for something I will never find.

Now I choose to live in the present and in reality. I do not have a perfect body. I have too much weight, stretchmarks and scars, wrinkles and sagging skin. I do not have a lot of money. In fact I have very little and what I do have is never mine before it becomes someone else's. I am not the most beautiful woman and I do not have a husband who thinks that I am. In fact, I do not have a husband at all. I did once. But in my endless pursuit of obtaining happiness with something I did not already have, that chapter of my life ended. What I do have is a beautiful roof over my head. Heat that keeps me warm. Food that fills my belly. My health. I have two beautiful children who I love more than my own life. And now that I have realized what I do have and have stopped focusing on what I don't, I believe I am finally capable of finding and maintaining contentment.

Perfection is when one finally realizes and accepts their own imperfections ...

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