Thursday, February 28, 2013

I'm Only A Little Hardcore

Sarah who blogs over at Thinfluenced commented on my last post that I was HARDCORE because I continued my workout injured with my ankle. First I thought, ME? HARDCORE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 
Then I thought that was somewhat comical and kind of coincidental because I remembered thinking JUST THAT this morning when I was talking to myself inside my head.
(Oh shut up! You know you do it to...) 

My internal conversation with myself went something like this.

Me: Ouch my ankle hurts this morning
((Rubbing ankle, flexing and grimacing))
Me: Yeah because you continued working out on it after you almost broke your leg in half dumbass
((inward thump to the forehead))
Me: Oh yeah! Dang, I never would have done that a couple months ago.
((Vacant look off into the distance of amazement))
Me: Nope, you would have sat your fat ass down, cried and not gotten back up to do it again until weeks later when you'd already gained everything you lost back
Me: Dude! I'm hardcore aren't I
Me: Nah, you're still super softcore
((sad face followed by lightbulb))
Me: But I am becoming HARDCORE

Small steps people. Small steps. Rome wasn't built in a day. 

Update on the ankle:

It hurts
Where the bone and the tendon meet is very sore
And the soreness radiates to the top of my foot and extends to my middle toe
If I point my toes outward 
(to walk like a penguin because I totally do that ALL THE TIME)

Not my feet
Just an example
Photo courtesy of google inmages - err..
yeah iNmages

It stretches and hurts like a BITCH
If I don't do that
(And I successfully resist the daunting urge)
Then it is tolerable
I can totally walk on it
I can even run on it
(But I won't, because HA! I don't run ... Yet)
I even Zumba'd on it
But I drew the line at twisting my ankles side to side in some of the movements
As Marion from over at Affection for Fitness commented

MODIFICATION
'Tis KEY

Granted, I won't toot my own horn or anything

TOOT TOOT

But I can dance
And not just like, I can dance 'for a big girl'
I have moves
Seriously
No really
(Courtney, tell them!)
(haha)
So I generally don't need to modify anything
But for an injury we do what is necessary to heal
And get back to 100%
So we can give 100%
YES?
YES!
Settled



Calories in today: 1586
I've been hovering between 1580-1650 for several days now 
And that feels like a good range at the moment
It is restrictive enough to keep me eating nutritious things instead of crap
But not so constrictive that I feel like I can't do it
Because I can
I got this
(Insert big cheesy grin and double thumbs up here)

'Cuz he's not super creepy or anything



I register Sassy for kindergarten on Friday
I'm feeling a little choked up about it
Even though I am not the kind of mom (or person for that matter) that gets choked up by things
Maybe eating well has allowed some walls to crumble
And I can now actually appreciate the sentiment and maternal pride of sending my daughter to school
As well as the maternal sadness of no longer having her at home with me all the time
A year or two ago I would have inserted a 'NAHHHH JUST KIDDING' right here
Because in those times I would have given anything to send my 1 and 2 year old far away
Somewhere safe of course and totally trustworthy where people would cater to their every whim 
and they would be spoiled rotten
Just not by me
(Essentially a place that just plain and simple DOES NOT EXIST)
And I could be alone
For just 10 minutes
To shower
Or pee
Or pick my nose
But now they are more independent
They don't need me
(AS MUCH)
And so I am not so desperate for my 'me' time
Don't get me wrong
I NEED MY 'ME TIME'
But it isn't something I am constantly searching for because I NEVER GET IT
I do get it now
And I am very happy
So I am also a little sad to see my baby start school
I like having her home
But that is part of life, right?
The cliche, 'they grow up so fast'
And they do

Nothing else new to report
I almost posted a really rank but really hilarious conversation 
that my mom and I had while I was on the toilet
But then I figured it was one of those moments
Where you had to have been there
And then life around this here blog would have been just plain awkward
So ...

Goodnight blog readers!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Epic Zumba Fail

If you have never tried Zumba before you might not quite understand what I am about to explain.

Zumba is a bunch of rhythm combined into exercise. The moves while all based on one dance or another also incorporates squats, lunges, knee lifts, leg raises, crunches, leg lifts and even capoeira (google it) into the choreography.

Some of the basic dances are Merengue, Salsa, Cumbia and other South American based dances. A rough translation into 'non dancer lingo' is: A lot of stepping forward and backward and side to side with a bit of fancy footwork and a lot of undulating hips because the entire time you are stepping the leg that belongs to the foot that is stepping is also bending at the knee.

SO THOSE OF YOU WHO SAY YOU HAVE NO RHYTHM OR CAN'T DANCE, ZUMBA SAYS YOU CAN WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN.



That being said, today my package of 8 new Zumba DVDs (Exhilarate + Rush and Target Zones) came in the mail. WHOOP! The older DVDs were getting a bit tedious even though I still enjoyed them.

So today I decided to check out the Target Zones and the Rush DVDs because they are only 20 minutes each. HOLY HELL, THEY'RE A LOT HARDER THAN THE ORIGINAL DVD's I HAVE FROM A FEW YEARS AGO! So I finished the Target Zones for the butt. I only half finished the Target Zones for the Abs and Legs. I was anxious to see what Rush had in store, but even then I got irritated by the commentary. (You can choose to have the hosts give you verbal cues or just have the music) So, I shut that off and pulled out the Basic Steps. Considering some new moves I saw in the Target Zones DVDs I thought I could learn those new moves and still get a workout.

So I started.

It started with the dances I already new really well; Salsa and Merengue. But I did them anyway.

I was getting into it. I love the two instructors who do the basics DVD. (Tanya and Gina) My girls were playing quietly on their iPads and I was really enjoying myself. But then halfway through learning the 6 step version of Merengue I stepped to the side and distinctly heard something POP.


And then I was falling and falling and crashing against the lounge of my new sofa, shoving it sideways against the wall and throwing my children forward. I hit my hip hard and landed on top of the ankle that had POPPED.

Thank God I had that new couch or I would probably have a concussion or a broken shoulder or clavicle with the way my body crashed to the floor. NOT COOL!

And what does Sassy promptly say?

Mama, are you okay?

NOPE

Mama, are you hurt? 

NOPE.

She says, 'Mama, you turned off my game and you hurt my finger too!'
*Insert indiscernible pouty noise here

Meanwhile, I am writhing in agony on the floor and panicking that I broke my ankle.

Thankfully my lil sister is a trained EMT and she said no break, probably no sprain. Just a twist OR I could have not completely dislocated my ankle. YIKES!


Did that stop me from finishing the workout? NOPE!

I did the arms!! And the Arm and torso portion of the Obliques. NO LEGS or FEET.

AND thankfully after a little ice, and keeping my ankle raised after my workout the swelling is down and it is now only mildly sore. I will be watching that sidestep tomorrow though when I Zumba in the morning.

No more crashing to the floor for this girl!!




*Calories consumed yesterday: 1657      Today: 1596 - Totally on track

I Found A Blog Today

I found a blog today, via another blog I follow and I was semi-horrified at it's content. The woman is basically a fat 'self' accepting, non disciplinarian to her child(ren?) who thinks 'parenting isn't hard' and that there are '21 things to STOP saying unless you hate fat people'. She also posts nude photos of herself while pregnant and YET is adamantly against 'sexualizing' her children. (Her example was being horrified by baby bibs that said 'jock', 'lil dude' and 'handsome' across the front.) I really don't know what to say about this woman's blog except it is very hard to wrap my mind around. And it just gets more confusing, frustrating and shocking as I read on.

It has never been my practice to 'call people out by name' here on my blog although the people I namelessly do call out usually know that it is them I am talking about.

However, this woman is what I BELIEVE is everything that is wrong in this country.

She says,

I'M FAT. TREAT ME EQUALLY BECAUSE I'M FAT. BUT DON'T EVER SAY X,Y OR Z TO ME BECAUSE THAT MEANS YOU HATE ME. Essentially treat me equally well because I'm fat but don't discriminate or criticize equally as well.

SAY WHAT?

SHE SAYS I HAD A KID AND I WILL SUFFOCATE HIM WITH LOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES BUT I WILL NOT DISCIPLINE HIM WHEN IT IS NECESSARY BECAUSE THAT IS MEAN.
She then gives an example of a kid knocking a drink off a table at McDonalds and likens a parent's disciplinary response equal to if a man on a date treated his date like a child. It IS NOT the same people. Children need to be taught. They aren't born with life's tools and discipline and consequences for poor or naughty behavior is necessary. NOT MEAN.

SHE IS A FIRM BELIEVER THAT 'DIETS DON'T WORK TO LOSE WEIGHT'. Which essentially means she thinks you don't have to change anything to get a different result - which rejects Einstein's definition of insanity.

WHEN HER CHILD WAS BORN SHE PONDERED NOT ANNOUNCING GENDER. LIKE EVER. AND LIKENED IT TO IGNORING SOMEONE'S RACE. AND THINKS RAISING A GENDER NEUTRAL CHILD IS SUPPORTABLE AND EVEN PROMOTABLE!

AN EXCERPT FROM HER HOLY GRAIL OF RAISING A 'BOYCHICK'

…While I know my child has a penis and testicles, and apparently lacks a vulva and vagina, I do not know that he is a boy. I may think that he is a boy, it is likely that he is a boy, but just like I do not — and cannot until he informs me — know his sexuality, I do not — and cannot until he informs me — know his gender. He might be a boy. He might be a girl. He might be some variation of genderqueer or otherwise fall midway in the gender spectrum, or outside of it altogether. (And for that matter, he might be a high femme boy or a very butch girl…)
But unless I give him room — psychic and psychological space, if you will — to discover and create these things on his own, I will never know how much of what he does is what he really wants, and how much is what he’s adopted because it’s what he thinks he’s supposed to do and like.
I’m not opposed to gender (which would be about as sensical as being opposed to gravity); I’m just opposed to its imposition on children too young to know better, but not too young to be warped by all the baggage it brings with it. I cannot say it better than this: “Turn down the volume on the gender coding. Respond to the child’s personality. Let your child be who he or she is.” Not gender-free. Just free to be whatever gender they are — whatever that means to them.


WHAT THE HOLY?!?!

I TAP OUT HERE ON THIS SUBJECT
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

WEIGH IN POST STILL TO COME

Cat Fight - Cookies Anyone?

Today was good. 

Much better than I anticipated.

Except Sassy got a sore throat

Breezy's ears hurt her

I developed a massive migraine

And I ate too many cookies
(I did stay within calories though)

Yesterday my mother (Lord bless her soul!) brought these home because 
'she couldn't help herself'


If you somehow do not know what these are they are 
PURE EVIL

Girl Scout cookies

Want a better view?


Girl Scout cookies UNBOXED
(Like Girls Gone Wild, Cookie Edition)

I shed a tear at the beauty

Then I shed a tear for my sanity

Then I shed a tear because I knew I wasn't going to eat them all in one sitting

And yet another tear because I thought I could eat 1 serving without going ape shit
HAHAHAHA


The KING of the Pure Evil-NESS!

The chocolatey, caramely, coconutty

SAMOA

OM-EFFIN-G

Yeah, so I ate too many. 

I mean a serving of the Samoas are 2. 2. 2.2 

No matter how big or small that number gets it seems 
unfathomable that ANYONE COULD EAT JUST 2.

 I also had a couple Thin Mints
A peanut butter patty
A couple Short breads
And a few Savannah Smiles which are tiny little lemon cookies covered in powdered sugar
They made me smile
Then frown
Then grimace
Then feel like I was going to hurl

NO MORE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES FOR ME THANK YOU



NEXT TOPIC

The reason the title of this post is CAT FIGHT is because that is what I got into
Basically a verbal bitch fest with a girl who was getting just a little too close to my WHATEVER HE IS
(Mr. A)

Does anyone else feel threatened by other women regardless of if you have a husband or boyfriend or girlfriend or wife depending on your life...

ANYONE ELSE?

I see thinner women (note: not prettier, just thinner) as such a threat.

And not even when I am with Mr. A

I see them almost as a personal threat.

Or like a personal jab.

I don't know.

I have all these conflicting emotions when I see women smaller than me 
(and around my age or younger). 

Jealousy, anger, sadness, rage, envy... and it all boils down to insecurity
(and perhaps immaturity?)

But where is the basis of my insecurity

Is it all in my weight?

Because if it isn't (and I highly suspect it isn't

I HAVE SOME SERIOUS SHIT TO WORK THROUGH


And in all reality, I am not sure that the girl 
(who WAS ACTUALLY HITTING ON MR.A) 
(it was not my imagination)
(No really, I swear)
(Girl Scout's honor?)
(Oh wait, I wasn't a girl scout)
(Never mind) 
So I don't know if she actually deserved the verbal smack down I gave her


 ^^I wonder if I looked similar to this ^^


Then again, she's married. 

Shouldn't she be attending to her own husband and not flirting and BSing with mine 
(even though he isn't my husband anymore)


And I'll end things here to clarify the 
'not my husband anymore but still acting like we are together'
shtuff

First off, 
I don't keep explaining that he isn't my husband 
because I feel any strange remorse in mentioning him as if he were. 
I constantly reiterate that he isn't my husband because he isn't 
and I don't have another word to call him that actually fits his status. 
He isn't my boyfriend either. 
Once you have been married that seems too tame a term. 
He isn't my lover, even though he was and is. 
((I know confusing)) 
I just don't have a good word to call him. 
Husband seems right, but it isn't technically right.

ANYWAY


We ARE together.
As together as any two people can be emotionally
(I know Mrs. Swan, you're cringing but it is the truth)
I love him 
(even though I am often told I shouldn't)
The only thing that separates us are legal documents
We were married
We aren't now
And there WAS good reason for the termination
But not because I wanted him gone
Not because I 'left him' for THIS ONE SPECIFIC REASON 
or 'he left me' (at all)
There was good reason for the termination of the legality of the relationship
But I still feel like his wife, so I am
He still feels like my husband, so he is
We are still a couple
We still have our children
We still believe in monogamy
We still are Christians
We still believe that being with someone else would not be good in God's eyes
Which is also why we are together
It is not a misconstruing of the Bible where it says, what God puts together may Man not pull apart 
(that is obviously not the correct wording but I don't have a Bible handy)
It is simply our way of taking a bad situation
And trying to make it better

A good metaphor is a broken vase
It falls, shatters, and will never be the same
Many would chuck it and go buy another one
But we chose to pick up the pieces and glue it back together
It still functions the same
It is still beautiful
It just isn't the way it was



And I know a bunch of readers might be shaking their heads 
thinking something is wrong with me, 
or him 
or both of us. 
But this is our life. 
We are living it as well as we know how with the resources and knowledge we have. 
Tomorrow is another day but we don't know when tomorrow may not come. 
All we have is right now. 
So we are making the best of it.


WEIGH IN DAY TOMORROW
I'M EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Lots of Crap

Mucha crap rolling around in my head over here.

No binging. 

Calories in control.

Just locked inside my head and having a hard time climbing my way out.

Can't even see a door where I might try.

I'm tired.

I'm cold.

Tomorrow is Monday and of course that means Mr. A is coming

I feel just blah

Sorry for the terribly uplifting post.

Tomorrow will probably be lacking all together, but you can bet that sometime Tuesday you will hear from me with weigh in and progress photos and measurements.

I'm going to go drown my sorrow in Crystal Light and The Amazing Race.

((sigh))

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Slosh

Have you ever held a can of soda or a bottle of water or any closed container of liquid and sloshed it around? Do you know the noise I'm talking about? The sloshing one? Yeah, you know the one and so do I, intimately now. UGH!

It seems every time I exercise now I have lapping waves inside my stomach. I can feel it. I can HEAR IT. And worst of all, it makes me sick to my stomach, like I'm on a boat getting sea sick or something. Not cool. Nope, not cool at all. I tried googling the reasons for this and all I come up with is scary fatal diseases or drinking too much of which I really don't think I do. What a conundrum.

My mom and sister and I went for Indian food and a movie on Thursday. Oh MY GOODNESS! I think Indian food now rivals Mexican as my favorite. We shared 3 different entrees: Chicken Makhani (butter chicken) Lamb Vindaloo (which is lamb meat in a spicy red sauce with tomatoes and onion) and a spicy chicken that I don't remember what it is called. It was served with Chapati and dipping sauce (coconut, mint and red hot tomato), Nan bread (the most yummy nummiest pita-like bread) and jasmine rice. Oh my friggin goodness. My lunch was about 794 calories so I ate accordingly for the rest of the day and had only had a very small (220 cal) breakfast including my coffee with cream. We saw Safe Haven which I enjoyed (and cried like a baby) immensely.

That is really all that has been going on. Nothing exciting. Nothing hilarious to write about. Nothing dramatic, or testing of my self control. Just life. Hence the non-posts. I don't like to write about essentially nothing so when I don't have something in particular to post about, I just don't.

How do you feel about that?

I by no means imagine that I am anyone's 'favorite blogger', but I know I HAVE MY FAVORITE BLOGGERS who I would read anything they wrote, regardless of what it was about.

However, others I read I think, was it necessary to write an entire 1000 word post on that?

What are your views? Do you have a favorite blog or blogger that you would read just ANYTHING they write because you love them so much, or are you on the other page of , 'if you don't have something interesting to say or a point to make or a purpose for your post, why write anything?'

Let me know!

Until later!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I Can't Think About Death Anymore, So I'll Think About Kitties

Death seems to be everywhere right now. 

EVERY-EFFIN-WHERE!

In the neighborhood (a close neighbor)

On the news

In my Facebook Stream

In jokes I hear people telling each other

Random shootings

Fires

Abortions

Cancer / Tumors

I just don't want to think about it anymore because 
it is KILLING me inside 
to think this world has become so very ugly

So instead, the rest of this post will be of my cute kitties

My warm, silky, purring, love nibbling, soft pawed and sharp clawed, wet nosed, quirky, playful and crazy kitties.

Emma enjoys attacking Mr. P 
from under the side table

He doesn't seem to enjoy it as much

She has the most innocent face

Mr. P says, 
'Don't bother me, I'm getting nightly chin massage!'


Emma needs her beauty sleep
Getting up to play for ten minutes 
is unbelievably grueling

My eats today:

Breakfast 

1/2 a stuffed Smart Ones Sandwich (it was gross)
2 string cheeses

Snack

Cashews

Lunch 

Subway 6" Turkey with honey mustard and ALL veggies
Sour Cream and onion chips

Snack

100 cal kettle corn

Dinner

Beef Stew with 1.5 slices baguette

Dessert

1/2 scoop Dryers Neapolitan ice cream on a 20 calorie cone

+ 1 hour Zumba!


Tomorrow my sister, my mom and I are going out for Indian food and to see the movie Safe Haven. 

I'm excited!

Until tomorrow peoples . . .

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

SUN AND HAIL AND GIGANTIC SPIDERS OH MY

IT WAS SUNNY

THEN IT WASN'T


THEN MY GRAMMA RESCUED US FROM HAIL THE SIZE OF LARGE MARBLES
Photo courtesy of Google Images

THEN SHE GAVE THE GIRLS SOME SUMMER CLOTHES 
(BECAUSE IT WAS SUNNY)


THEN I CLEANED MY APARTMENT

THEN THIS GOLIATH SPIDER IN THE GIRLS' TOYS MADE ME SHIT MY PANTS

I SCREAMED

THEN HE DIED

THE END


I AM SURE I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE OUT THERE WHO NOT ONLY NEEDS A FLY SWATTER BUT A SHOE, A BLOW TORCH AND POSSIBLY NINJA STARS TO KILL A SPIDER? AND OF COURSE, THERE IS THE REQUISITE GRUNTING AND SCREAMING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN FLAILING LIKE A LUNATIC.

BUT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE RIGHT?!



A Gain in Pounds but a Loss in Inches

So, I thought for shits and giggles I would measure myself to see if my weight gain mirrored a gain in measurements also. NOPE! In fact I still lost! Here is the chart:

Body 1st Meas Week 5 Week 6 Week 7
Neck 14.5 13.5 13.5 13.5
Biceps x2 18x2 16.25x2 16.25x2 16.25x2
Forearms x2 11x2 10.25x2 10x2 10x2
Wrists x2 6.5x2 6.25x2 6x2 6x2
Chest Over Boobs 49 45.5 45 44
Chest Under Boobs 44.5 41.25 41.25 39.5
Waist 51.5 44 43.25 43.25
Hips 68.5 63.5 63 62.5
Thighs x2 33.5x2 30x2 29x2 29x2
Knees x2 24x2 19.5x2 19.5x2 19.25x2
Calves x2 17x2 15.5x2 15x2 16x2
Ankles x2 10x2 9x2 9x2 9x2

I gained an inch in my calves, which tells me I am working the muscles out pretty well. I will post a photo soon after I've shaved my legs. There is definitely some definition going on there.

Other than my calves I lost 3.75 inches this week and 1.75 of those was just under my boobs! WHAT?!

And with measurements I will give the obligatory progress pic.

Progress? I definitely see bloat.


When You Gain Almost 10lbs in a Week . . .

You realize how epic your fail actually was when you gain almost 10lbs in a week.

Can we say SO-DI-UM all together?

Yesterday was not a bad day. I had a stick of string cheese for breakfast.

Steak Fajitas (homemade) with corn tortillas for lunch

And 2 chicken tenderloins with potatoes for dinner.

Snack was cucumbers in lime juice and salt, a quarter avocado and some dark chocolate semi sweet morsels.

The problem with everything I ate though, was that it was covered (And I mean drenched) in salt. Mr. A is a compulsive salt user. He'll use 1/4 cup of salt in a meal and then think it is bland when he tastes it and uses more. So while the eats were relatively healthy yesterday. The sodium intake was THROUGH THE ROOF.

Compound that with the days I ate poorly and the day I binged mindlessly and in all honesty I really only ate WELL 2 days out of the 7 with low cal AND sodium intake.


So here is the damage.


+8.8lbs

OUCH


CHECK OUT THE PUFFY EYES
WATER RETENTION CAN DO THIS FOR YOU TOO

MY FOREARM
FOR SOME REASON MY IPHONE
DIDN'T CAPTURE THE INDENTATIONS VERY WELL

THE PLACE ON MY STOMACH WHERE MY YOGA PANTS HIT
MY YOGA PANTS ARE STILL VERY LOOSE
YEESH

And in memory of gaining this week I am going to write bullet points about what I have learned. 
And I say IN MEMORY because I do not plan to ever let this happen again.
This was definitely a learning experience

WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK

  • I learned that I need to STOP eating when I am satisfied because packing it in and down will lead to either projectile vomiting or severe constipation after 6 weeks of eating relatively small portions.
  • 2 days without coffee give me migraines, makes me bitchy and brings on insane munchies
  • Crunching on something helps my migraines. It can't just be food. It has to crunch, and I found that ice is totally acceptable.
  • I no longer find greasy or heavily breaded foods appealing AT ALL. 
  • I now recognize upon first compulsion my motivation behind wanting to eat which is always to fill a void that IS NOT HUNGER. (pain, sadness, irritation etc)
  • Chocolate is NOT a girl's BFF
  • My feet fall asleep if I sit on the toilet for more than 10 minutes
  • Pushing too hard while constipated (and sitting on the toilet for more than 10 minutes) causes ice pick headaches (and yes they are exactly what they sound like)
  • I prefer one hundred times over the sensation of an empty growling belly versus the sensation of being too full and overly bloated
  • When I eat mindlessly, I actually *wish I was counting what I am eating (strange huh - you'd wonder why I didn't actually do it then)
               THIS LAST WEEK                                   HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS COMING WEEK 



I just did my morning Zumba. Now I am going to order the Exhilarate package off Zumba.com and then I am taking my girlies outside for some fresh air and sunshine.



This week will be better. And come next Tuesday I'll be rocking that scale. 

NO IFS, ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT.


Sunday, February 17, 2013

So This Week is an EPIC FAIL and Ends As Such - Onto Week 8

I woke up this morning with a headache. Well, if a headache is what you would actually call it. I think migraine is even too tame a term. So to quote something from somewhere that I don't really remember where it came from, 'If you could describe a tsunami as a wave or a hurricane as an air current' then yes I just had a headache or a migraine. In reality it felt as though my head and brain were being impaled by dulled, serrated, rusted and poison dipped knives that had barbed razors that popped open and stuck as the knife tried to retract out of my skull. Graphic enough for you? Yeah, well at least 4 extra strength Advil took the edge off. I didn't have any Excedrin Migraine that I usually take. Damn pills are never there for me when I need them.

So, after I crawled out of bed and curled up on the couch to pretend like I was being a good mom and sitting with my children in their waking hours, I closed my eyes and pretty much fell back to sleep. The only problem is that when you have a pain in your head as agonizing as mine, the pain doesn't disappear when unconsciousness overtakes you. You still feel it. You dream about it. You have horrifying dreams that you are being stabbed or that your head is being smashed on some torture device or a myriad of other unnaturally terrifying dreams associated with the pain. And then those dreams are constantly pushing you up out of unconsciousness and pulling you back down into the deep dark waters of sleep and it is almost more exhausting and excruciating then if you had just woken up and gotten up.

I don't remember half my day. I remember the sound of the incessant singing of the movies Camp Rock and Camp Rock 2 that Sassy is currently obsessed with and I remember only about a zillion times hissing from where I lay with my head smashed in the couch cushions for her to turn it down! I remember getting up and grabbing something to eat out of the cupboard to eat because by now I felt as though I would not only vomit from the pain but from hunger. It was so very odd.

Around 1ish I actually came out of my pain induced coma to realize that the headache was now its true definition and I could open my eyes and look into the dreary morning clouds back lit by the sun and not feel like a vampire burning to death from the rays (that didn't really exist because like I said it is a cloudy dreary morning) I felt like I could stand without feeling like my brain may fall out my ears or through my nose. And best of all I was able to converse rationally with my sister. Sometimes I wonder when I get these kinds of migraines if I act funny or do weird things because my children are so small they may think mom is 'just being weird' when in reality I am having issues.

But my sister didn't seem to think (or tell me) that anything was out of place, amiss or strange about me (other than the normal - but she doesn't have to tell me about that stuff) I ate a not so healthy snack of Breyers ice cream because it was so cold and my throat was on fire, topped with banana (potassium?) and peanut butter (protein, but too much sugar - I know I know) And we watched re-runs on HULU of The Amazing Race. Apparently I have been living under a rock because I am just now really finding out about this show and I love it. It is so awesome.

I tried to do Zumba, got in all of about 5 minutes of merengue and 5 minutes of salsa and my head started to throb. Not good. I was not in any way going to have another migraine like this morning so I stopped and took 2 more Extra Strength Advil.

Now, here I sit. I feel like I've run a marathon. My whole body aches. My eyes burn like I haven't slept in days. My chest is heavy. I have cramps like I'm going to get my period except I DON'T GET PERIODS because I am on the depo provera shot. I still have a dull ache in my temples that wraps around the top of my head like a helmet but it is tolerable. And I am cold. But hot. It is an endless circle. I bundle up in blankets and then I sweat. I take the blankets off and then I freeze. There is no happy medium.

My children are irritable because the weather sucks and mommy is acting like a mannequin on the sofa, not at all interesting or entertaining, just taking up way too much space. They are fighting and arguing and I have no energy to play referee.

Tomorrow is the end of week 7 and I am calling it a FAIL.

So here is where I ask your opinion.

DO I WEIGH AND RECORD THE GAIN?

DO I NOT RECORD THE WEIGHT BUT WEIGH FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES?

DO I NOT WEIGH UNTIL THE FOLLOWING WEEK AND PRETEND THIS WEEK NEVER HAPPENED?

OR DO IS THERE ANOTHER OPTION YOU THINK IS BETTER?

Thanks in advance people. You're ideas, suggestions, encouragement and comments are worth gold to me.

Until tomorrow.
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