Friday, June 28, 2013

Stress and Anxiety

I have been super stressed lately. For reasons I have expressed and others that I choose not to. Yesterday was the culmination of all that stress that overloaded into a massive (AND I MEAN MASSIVE) binge. It was like I was possessed by rabid beasts. I couldn't shove enough food into my mouth and the moment I was done, I found something else. I tasted nearly nothing and of course, as all binges do, it ended making me feel house-whale-mammoth like and absolutely nauseated. The nausea was even more pronounced by the supplements I have taken. There is a significant end game sensation in my belly when I am full and should eat no more or I will feel awful. Yeah, I broke through that barrier and pulverized it to smoking dust and let me tell you. I didn't just feel awful. I felt like I had been poisoned. Stomach cramps, explosive diarrhea, wanting to vomit but not able to. It was baaaaad.

And all due to stress and anxiety. 

Lyn, wrote a post HERE recently on Social Anxiety and while I don't THINK I have that per se, (maybe I do) the feelings of anxiety regardless of the source are pretty much the same and I related with her post as I read it. And this stress/anxiety is intensified 1000 fold when my children are involved. I torture myself on a daily basis with thoughts of the things that could happen to them in certain situations and I find myself thinking that it would be my fault of they did happen because as their mother, I put them in that situation.

Example?

We all remember the elementary school shootings?

For a long time I couldn't take my children out to anyplace public except the supermarket and even there I found myself hyper analyzing everyone who walked by and even people who were at a distance. When I finally did take my girls to the mall I nearly hyperventilated thinking that anyone, ANYONE, could be carrying a gun or a weapon and could choose my little girls as targets. I found my eyes bouncing from person to person, looking at their faces and their clothing, checking to see if their coat, bag, purse, pockets were big enough for a lethal weapon. My eyes couldn't scan the crowds fast enough and when I did occasionally see someone who looked 'off' I would either turn in the opposite direction and hurry away or pick my girls up (yes all combined 90lbs of them) and rush past the person. (Who was probably just a normal every day person but with my warped view of the general population could have been the next mass child murderer) It was gut wrenching and depression inducing. 

In my teenage years I had a motto:

IF I CAN THINK OF IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS, 
IT MOST LIKELY WON'T 
AND IF IT DOES THEN I WILL BE PREPARED. 

This motto helped me cope with surprises in my life both good and bad. It helped me deal with disappointments and it kept my mind busy when I was otherwise bored or lonely. And that stupid motto has stuck with me, ingrained in my brain all my adult life and I believe was the stepping stone for this obsessive compulsive need to think of every horrifying circumstance that could occur to my family members and children at any given time so that it won't actually happen.

Example?

My mom offers to take my girls out for the day so I can have some time to myself. Immediately my mind starts ticking off all the horrible things that could happen. 

Car accidents
She could forget them somewhere
Someone could abduct one or both of them when she isn't paying attention
Someone could steal the car while she's pumping gas and take off with my kids

(These are just a few)

Then I torture myself further by imagining receiving a phone call from a hospital or even worse the morgue to tell me that my child has been XY or Z or is dead. 

Yes, morbid. Yes, horrifying. Yes, completely obsessive compulsive. No, I can't seem to stop myself from doing it.

So, when I find myself doing this my only resort (rightly so) is to pray. And so I pray a lot. A lot A lot. 
And most often, it really helps. It gives me peace, relaxes me, takes my mind off the worries and reminds me that HE is in control and that all the horrible thoughts I experience are from the devil. The closer you get to God the more the devil will attack your thoughts and your circumstances to pull you away. And that brings me to this and what I must ALWAYS remember. 









Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I Don't Want to be One of Those Bloggers and Fat Girl Problems

I am not a fan of bloggers who shamelessly promote every product from any company that offers them some kind of compensation and I promise you as my readers that I will never PROMOTE a product I don't believe works. However, I will REVIEW products and let you know the ABC and XYZ of whether they do or don't work, what their side effects are and how they affect me and my body.

I will be honest to a fault. No BS. If I love something and it's working for me I will tell you and if it sucks, I'll tell you that too.

So, as I mentioned before a representative from Weight Loss Supplements by Trusted Nutrients contacted me about trying some extracts for weight loss, fat blocking, metabolism boosting and appetite suppressing.






Today was the first day I used them and I have used them as instructed. One capsule 30 minutes before a meal 2x a day.




These are what the capsules look like. They're kinda huge and I generally am not a huge fan of huge pills because I have an awful reflex. The bright side is that the capsule is virtually tasteless, made of vegetable cellulose and when mixed with a big ol' mouthful of water goes down quite easily. The raspberry ketones actually smell really good too.

The left is the Saffron Extract. The white is the Raspberry Ketones. The next is the Green Coffee Bean Extract and the far right is the Cambogia Garcinia. Aside from the pleasant smell of the Raspberry ketones, as I said there is virtually no taste or smell to any of them.

A photo to show how big they actually are. Horse pill, right? Yeah.

So, it is after dinner time and so far I have had minimal gastro issues that I wouldn't have on a normal basis. I have felt a little gassy. Like, I could feel the bubbles moving around in there. And I have been VERY regular to the point of needing to find a bathroom NOW. This is new, and I will associate it with the supplements because (ahem) my stool went from extremely firm yesterday to basically water today. Not sure why unless the supplements are cleaning me out. I will keep you updated on this little experiment of mine.

In other news, I'm excited to lose weight because I encountered a fat girl problem today. I visited JC Penney to pick up Sassy's 5 year birthday pictures and needed to use the little (big) girl's room. So, in I went to the tiny stall because someone else was occupying the larger one and sat down. I immediately felt the cold metal of the garbage can hooked onto the partition jab my hip and the sharp toilet paper cutter dig into my knee. Could they have hung these things any lower or in a more inconvenient position. Never mind my weight. I had to turn nearly in half to throw away my gum. Jeesh! Then of course there is the typical department store toilet paper. You know, the 1 ply that tears into shreds and you can never get enough at one time to wipe away snot let alone a huge bowel movement. (((sigh))) There's my fat girl problem for the day.

Now moving on, it is bed time for my raggamuffins.

I shall return tomorrow if there is anything to report.

Toodles




*I am not being paid monetarily for this review. I was given a free 30 day trial of the four Trusted Nutrient products in exchange for this review on my blog. All experiences, side effects and results within this review are exclusively mine. These supplements were used in combination with calorie cycling, light cardio activity and emphasis on weight lifting / muscle building. As with all vitamins and supplements, please contact your physician before starting any new product.   




Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Calorie Cycling is a God Send

I have been doing exceedingly well with calorie cycling and the scale is showing me that it is working!

I am sooooo excited. The SCALE IS MOVING DOWN!

In other news I FINALLY received my supplements!

I woke up this morning with a massive migraine that had me nauseated and ready to vomit at the idea of swallowing ANYTHING other than coffee so I didn't take them this morning just in case there were any side effects.

Tomorrow I will start taking them.

Raspberry Ketone extract

Garcinia Cambogia Extract

Then  I was also given Pure Saffron Extract and Green Coffee Bean Extract. I was not given instructions on how to use these supplements so I have been researching and so far I am leaning towards taking the Raspberry Ketone Extract and the Garcinia Cambogia together. This was featured on Dr. Oz though the product distributor was different than the one I am reviewing.


And so, for now I will continue to research until tomorrow about taking the other two products and go from there. Stay tuned tomorrow.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Pointlessness and Rubbish in My Brain

I keep writing a new post and scrapping it, feeling like it's pointless to write anything down at this point. And truly, not because there isn't a friggin' butt load to write down but because some of it feels insignificant and the significant stuff are topics I am not ready to write about and be criticized for.

My eating, exercise and weight loss are going just splendid. I've been cycling my calories and averaging (as I said before) about 1770 calories a day. The scale is pleased with me and thus I am pleased with the scale. My ankles have returned to pre-swollen state and have remained there for a good two weeks now. I am suspicious that it has something to do with a hormone imbalance because it was approximately two weeks ago that I re-administered the depo provera shot to myself and that was when things in my body (headaches, swelling and being agitated) started to lessen and eventually disappeared.

I will say I am pretty full of anxiety right now. I wish I could squelch it but there is no squelching it. I just need to remember that my life, my girls' lives, and everything that happens in them is in God's hands. He knows what He's doing and I just need to pray that he guides me in the right direction and opens doors where they ought to be opened and close them where He sees fit.

I am also suffering from a bit of OCD when it comes to certain (non-eating) behaviors in my life. I find myself wondering why I do some of these things and if it really makes such a difference or if it is at all beneficial and the answer in my logical mind was no it doesn't make a difference, no there is no benefit and I should really stop doing these things. However, the obsessive compulsive part of me persuades my logical side to do it anyway which causes me a kind of relief followed by insurmountable stress, and worry and mental grief. But I can overcome this. I will over come it. And please don't suggest I see a shrink who will prescribe meds to help me. I don't do meds unless I'm dying or in unbelievable pain.

On a happier note, yesterday I received my supplements from Weight Loss Supplements by Trusted Nutrients that I am supposed to review but by the time I got to the post office it was closed and the package apparently was too large to stuff into the box. So, I will pick it up tomorrow (after our day with the girls' dad) and check out the contents and from there I will start the supplements on Tuesday and see how things go.

Speaking of tomorrow with the girls' dad, we are going to see Monster's University which I have heard conflicting reviews of. People who do not share my taste in movies have said it is horrible while people who like the same stuff as me said it was pretty cute. Then again, these same people who like the majority of stuff I do not do share a few favorites in common, so I'm not sure what to expect. Anyone else seen it?

Tuesday Breezy goes back to the Pediatric Orthopedic doctor to make sure her finger break is healing well. It isn't swollen anymore nor black and blue which I can only guess is a good sign. However, the poor kid has become so accustomed to the splint that when she takes it off for baths now she immediately wants it back on when she's dried. She feels naked without her finger splint. I hate to have to break it to her that if her finger is better we are going to have to chuck Mr. Foam Splint in the trash soon. I guess we'll see how that goes.

And this is where I leave you, hoping I am inspired to come back with something more to write about. Tuesday I will write about the supplements, that is for sure and the 30th is my monthly weigh in and I will do measurements and photos even though I don't know if I will again be in the progress stage or moving back down to where I was stage. We shall see and with that, I am off.

Goodnight blog world


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Playing with Myself

Okay first, ya'll are a bunch of perverts if my title was what got you to start reading. Then again, I suppose that was on purpose ((wink wink))

Anyway, I am not going to be talking about playing with myself LIKE THAT. I am going to tell you about an interesting psychological game I have come up with to make me stick fairly close to the calories I need to ingest instead of having super bad days followed by good days and more bad ones.

Let me tell you, until you can wrap your mind around the fact that this is for health and SKINNY will feel so much better than any food tastes, the psychological games and tricking yourself (at least for me) into doing what you need to be doing is what it is all about.

I'll start out by saying that according to Myfitnesspal I am supposed to be eating 1720 calories a day in order to lose approximately 2lbs a week with virtually no exercise included into that calorie mount.

So, here's what I did that put me at an average of only 77 calories a day over what I should be eating. That is like eating a Fiber One Brownie OR 1/3 cup of orange sherbet OR a mini scone extra every day. Not bad considering I was averaging 2050 calories a day or more before. I'm still working on my technique and perfecting it.

So, I had one slip up which was Friday because we went to see Tim Hawkins as I mentioned we were going to do. I didn't anticipate the hors d'oeuvres that would be plentiful and I wasn't prepared for self control. (I know, always be prepared) So, since I had eaten my allotted calories except for a few I decided to put the calories I ate at the show on my next days calorie intake list adding up to something like 300 calories before the day even started.

And so I began my Saturday with a 300 calorie negative. I then would consume up to about 1800 calories including the 300 from the day before and the extra 80 calories I would tack on to the next day. This continued every day until yesterday where I ate significantly less just because I generally do on Mondays and then today I ate right back up at 1628 calories thus averaging out the ebb and flow of intake to about 1794 calories a day. I'll take it! Considering I have been trying like heck to successfully stay under 2000.

If you have questions or insight to this plan, feel free to ask or comment by the way.

It just seems to be working and I am all for 'working' when I have been lost and struggling for so long.

ANYWHOOZLE...

On the situation with my swelling. My ankles seemed to have returned to normal.



























Yikes...

And of course, there was the show we went and saw.

Super blurry and pixelated due to the camera and trying to make it bigger, but you get the idea. 

And now I am off to read. Totally enthralled in the Mortal Instrument Series by Cassandra Clare and then on to the Infernal Devices! Woot!



Sunday, June 16, 2013

On Father's Day

This man encompasses all of the elements necessary in the recipe for a good father

God fearing, unconditionally loving, patient, giving, selfless, undying devotion to his family, incredibly intelligent, humble, respectful and respected, kind, handy (can make and fix anything), wise, protective, and 100% wonderful. 



And he didn't stop at his own children



Or even his grandchildren



He continues the tradition with his great grandchildren

They love him so


He is the greatest man I've ever known



And though he is my grandpa 

He is and always has been the perfect definition of 'dad' to me


HAPPY FATHER'S DAY PAPA
I LOVE YOU TO THE STARS AND BACK



Saturday, June 15, 2013

I'M JUST SO DAMN TIRED OF YOU PEOPLE (Controversial Post)

You know who you are and it is most probable that you are just as tired of me as I am of you. So here is a preamble to this post.

I am a Christian woman. I will defend my morals, my values, my beliefs, my God, my Bible and everything that it all stands for unbendingly. You might roll your eyes at some of my typical opinions and you might be surprised at others. You are more than welcome to debate my opinion with me with informed and intelligent information. Telling me that my opinions are based on a fictional book (the Bible) is only showing your true ignorance. I have infallible proof that the Bible is real and could not have been written by anyone else but the men who a superior entity (My God) breathed his words through. PLEASE ASK ME TO PROVE IT. PLEASE! Because you're argument has nothing on mine. But that is only the foundation of my frustrations. *The lack of true religious freedom in this country* and today, right here, right now, I MUST get this off my chest. 

I am SO SICK of what the American people have become. We have become an addicted, enabling, scared, sugar coating, mediocrity celebrating, coddling, ignorant, and brain washed group of idiots. Seriously people! Where did anyone anywhere go who actually has a spine?! Oh, don't get me wrong, I know there are small groups of us out there but we are seriously the minority among all these blithering  BLATHERING buffoons!!

Take something as simple as child discipline for example. In this fine year of 2013 it is almost unheard of to spank your child and if you are one of the parents who do, you don't talk about it except among your small group of like-thinking family and friends. There have been so many rules and laws instilled around us as parents that we are afraid to openly discipline our children and ALL FOR WHAT? So that Billy Bob Joe won't beat his to death?! Guess what? He still will. Abusive people will be abusive regardless of laws that prohibit it and no law telling me I can't spank or flick my child for bad behavior is going to stop him from pulling out the big guns and 'making little Billy fall down the stairs' a few dozen times. MMMkay?



I get that for some people spanking isn't ideal. Many parents can't bring themselves to do it and some children just are not responsive to it. More power to you if your words hold such power 100% of the time that your little heathens angels obey your every command without question. However, too many parents DO NOT KNOW how to discipline their children and their children are literally little heathens. Hey parents, it isn't your children's job to learn good behavior. It is your job to teach it. Parent first. Friend second. TEACH THEM. Just like in the real world, there are REAL PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, MENTAL AND MATERIAL consequences to bad behavior, a child should know that with bad behavior come bad consequences. A child should never fear their parents in the real sense of the word FEAR. But there is definitely something to be said for a healthy respect and reverence. Children should feel wary of going against their parent's rules, (and every child should have rules and limits or they will feel very out of control and unsafe) which will trickle into their teenage and adult lives of respecting and revering legal authority regardless of whether they agree or not. When we as humans from childhood through adulthood realize that there are negative consequences following negative behavior we are much better to practice self control and good behaviors.

I will never be scared to discipline my daughters to teach them.(which cannot and should NEVER be confused with abuse)  

THIS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL BASIS 
FROM WHERE ALL OF OUR ISSUES HAVE SPRUNG. 

OUR SOCIETY HAS BRED THESE LAZY, ENTITLED AND GREEDY, ANGRY, BRAINWASHED, INSECURE, DUMB AND UNEDUCATED, UNKNOWINGLY RACIST, BIGOTED, SPIRITLESS, MISINFORMED, TECHNOLOGICALLY DEPENDENT, INACTIVE, UNRESTRAINED, AND CRIMINALLY MINDED HUMAN BEINGS.

And this makes me so very sad.

We live in a society where people believe in saving the animals going extinct but actively support the
murders of human babies in the name of reproductive freedom. Do you know what I have to say to that? NATURAL SELECTION FOR ANIMALS AND YOU HAD THE REPRODUCTIVE FREEDOM TO EITHER USE BIRTH CONTROL OR NOT OPEN YOUR LEGS.

In the cases of rape and incest that will inevitably be brought up due to the majority's lack of a REAL argument for the millions of non rape or incest related abortions, I say let it be case by case. Abortion will not ever be eradicated in the same way sin will never be eradicated and those who commit the atrocious acts will suffer the consequences. (See above about consequences and how we are taught *or NOT TAUGHT* to deal with them)

If we were a society who still had morals and values and instilled them into our children from the beginning of life with LOVE and DISCIPLINE (Yes, you'd have to get off your computer or iPhone or tablet for a little while) then perhaps through life many of our children (not all because there are just those rebellious wonders who serve as third party lessons) would make better choices and many abortions wouldn't even be necessary because Sarah Somebody didn't have a need for acceptance and attention. She would already have enough from her parents. She would know her limits and that there are serious consequences to serious actions. She wouldn't need to go looking for it in a strange (older?) man who only wanted to use her and she would never have gotten pregnant in the first place.

Other things I'm tired of hearing about in a tightly wrapped nutshell.

Global warming or climate change - guess what? If it exists do you really think if we can't teach our children the most basic life skills and lessons that we could really reverse it? ((insert chuckle))
Soft core pornography is flippin' everywhere. I'm tired of boobs and butt constantly in my face. Save it for the bedroom people!! Again with those pesky morals and values that sneak right up in your face when you don't have any. Anyone else?

Animal testing. WE AREN'T GORILLAS, CHIMPS, BABOONS OR ORANGUTANS, let alone the mice, rats, dogs, cats and other animals they torture in the name of research. If you offer people money there are surely enough willing guinea pigs out there who would gladly deform themselves and ruin their bodies. Heck, they do it for free every day with insane piercings and tattoos and God knows what else. Why not do willful human testing?

Homosexuality is a particular topic that has me all on fire. NOWHERE in the Bible does it say a man cannot love another man or that a woman cannot love another woman. Nowhere does it define the kind of love we are allowed to feel toward each other AND IT VERY SPECIFICALLY TELLS US THAT WE ARE TO LOVE EACH OTHER.

Mark 12:31
'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

What is DOES say is that we are not to have sexual intercourse with the same gender. IT ALSO SAYS WE ARE NOT TO HAVE SEX OUT OF THE BINDS OF MARRIAGE. IT SAYS NOT TO COVET YOUR NEIGHBOR'S SPOUSE. The Bible says a whole lot of things that we choose to ignore. So, why is it that we pick and choose to judge some people but not others? It is not our place to choose who someone else can love. In the same way it is between a man and woman and God to have sex out of marriage and in the same way that every day men and women cheat on their spouses it is for God to judge. NOT US. 

Love your neighbor does not have conditions. If Jesus tells us to be like Him and He spent His time with murderers and rapists and the worst of the worst sinners AND HE LOVED THEM, then who are we to judge and point fingers and condemn? We have EVERY RIGHT to disagree and EVERY RIGHT to decide that their way of life is not our way of life but we are not to condemn them. That IS NOT OUR JOB and by doing so is telling God that you are equal to Him. NEWS FLASH. You're not.

And with that I am deflated. 

Just so tired of people thinking they're sitting up there on their high horse when in reality their saddle has slipped upside down and in reality they're just clinging on down there between the horse's legs, no better than anyone but casting stones and judging people like they're something special. 



Thursday, June 13, 2013

Depo, No Weigh (no way?) and SUPPLEMENTS

I was contacted recently by Trusted Nutrients who develop and sell Weight Loss Supplements to try and review some of their products. These products include green coffee bean extract, garcinia cambogia extract, raspberry ketones, pure saffron extract and a colon cleanse formula. I chose to try the first four and opt out of the colon cleanse due to the fact that as you all know, I recently had a colonoscopy and too many colon cleanses can actually deteriorate the walls of the intestines and colon. Not ON MY TO DO LIST. So, I will try the other supplements. Their representative explained to me in detail the use for each extract and how it works to aid in appetite suppressing, weight loss and muscle tone and once I receive the product I will review it here and let you all know how it's going.

On another note I have decided after much hemming and hawing to go back on depo provera. After my daughters my cramping during periods was minimal and the periods themselves were light and relatively not bothersome. Now that I have come off depo my cramps are at what I would call a 5 on the pain spectrum. Not as bad as they used to be in high school but annoying enough that I spend far too much time in the bathroom thinking I need to poop when in reality my uterus is just juicing itself to death. (Nice visual right? LOL well, that's how I feel!) Gahh! So back on depo I go where periods are light if existent at all and there are virtually no cramps. It will also lighten the load of needing to buy pads/tampons (or steal my sister's) and I won't have to worry about soiling my sheets/underwear/pants etc every day and night. Because lately my periods have lasted upwards of 9 days and then return 3 or 4 days later for a post period period that lasts for another 3-5 days. NOT COOL!

AAAAnd, I have decided on my weight, measurements and BMI page to only update once a month. I become far too obsessive (compulsive?) when I am on the scale every week ((err, sometimes day)) so if I put the scale away except for one day a month maybe I will focus more on doing things the right way and not agonizing so much over every little ounce gained or lost. If I know I am eating well, and I know I am exercising, there is no need to worry myself to death. Right?

I am having mommy anxiety today. My girls (as I said in my previous post) are taking a horse riding, feeding, grooming lesson and I am panicking a little bit. As a mom sometimes irrational fears manifest themselves and all you can imagine when your child tries something new is how they can get hurt. So of course I see them being thrown from the horse, trampled by the horse, bitten by the horse, kicked by the horse and a myriad of other super non-pleasant atrocities that are possible. Of course, I am sure (and I pray) that everything will be just fine and they will have a blast but that inner voice that tells me whatever will go wrong will go wrong keeps piping up and making my day miserable.

This morning I had my protein pancakes again and they were so delish! I tried to make the same recipe in the waffle maker and THAT DID NOT GO WELL. I spent the next 50 minutes trying to scrape out the gooey mess that I had made from the waffle iron. However, I did find some yummy sounding paleo waffle recipes that I will try another day. I am burnt out on that stupid waffle iron.

As you know, I've been doing Zumba pretty much daily for a while now and I have decided that in this case less is more. I was doing 60 minutes of Zumba 6-7 days a week for a while at high intensity and I burned out pretty quickly. I then started doing 60 minutes 3 times a week and the 25 minute ones 2-3 times a week and that was better but I still found that my intensity was limited during the 60 minute workouts. So I have decided to do the 25 minute routines at super high intensity 7 days a week with my own strength training workouts thrown in such as squats, leg lifts, leg press, bicep curls, tricep extensions etc etc... you all know the rotations. This has been working really well. I have been feeling minimally sore but have had great energy for the past 4-5 days because of it. And thus I SHALL CONTINUE.

It is now time for lunch. Ah, what to make. Lunch is my least favorite meal of the day to make. I generally have no inspiration or creativity when it comes to lunch. Oh well, turkey sandwiches, fruit, veggie and chips for the kiddos it is and me? Well, I'll just have to see what I can whip up.

Until later my sweets!!!


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Swell, Shrink, Repeat

Hello!

My name is Kristen aka The Miscellaneous Mom

You can see how swollen I have been in my face
YIKES

You remember me, right?

The author of this here blog.

Yeah, I probably wouldn't remember either. 

Haha

Anyway, last time I wrote I was swollen to kingdom come and back.

That was a week or so ago.

Now?

I have gone through cycles of swollen, not swollen, re-swollen and then not

Right now I am at an inbetween stage

You see just as my cycle of shrinking began

THE EVIL WITCH CALLED NATURE CAME TO VISIT

Thus puffing my ankles back up

Not nice

Typically cruel

So, I am a swollen ball of hormones bleeding like a sieve

Sounds like a blast right?

Oh believe me it is (face palm)

Yesterday we celebrated Sassy's 5th birthday for the third time

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS CHILD IS ONLY 5?!?!
I am in so much trouble



Two days before her birthday she was pampered with pedis and manis

On her birthday we drove 160+ miles to Seattle where we enjoyed the aquarium, the Space Needle, The Cheesecake Factory 






The next day we spent all day with Mr. A and they had a blast in the McDonald's play area for HOURS

I am sure the restaurant would have booted us out if they could but Mr. A kept ordering more food

Haha

Then yesterday we had her actual 'party'



Tomorrow my gramma is giving the girl's their 'gift' simultaneously
And that is to pet, groom, feed and ride a miniature horse for 1.5 hours

And in July we will celebrate one last time as a combined 'friend' birthday party with Breezy at Chuckee Cheese (or however that's spelled)

This morning I tried something new

I made protein pancakes
(1 whole banana and two eggs beaten until fluffy and then cooked like a regular pancake)



I topped them with low calorie syrup but think next time I will ad peanut butter

They were sooooo delish!!

Friday will be a fun day!!

My entire family (sans my children and grandparents) are going to see a Christian comedian

TIM HAWKINS

And I shall leave you with a clip of his hilarity


Thursday, June 6, 2013

Well, Poop

My feet are still swollen.

Like fat, pink sausages

Not pretty

Not comfy

And I am not a happy camper

24 hours worth of water pills and I might have peed an entire 16oz

NOT GOOD

Especially since I've drank AT LEAST a gallon of liquids in the last 12

I may need to revert to a liquid diet to try to hydrate

Because the only reason I can imagine that I am retaining so severely

IS DEHYDRATION

Not sure how that is possible

But I can't imagine what else it could be

I am also feeling EXTREMELY LETHARGIC

My eyelids are super heavy

My eyeballs burn

My muscles ache and my joints feel like they're popping and locking unintentionally

I just feel like poop

But no symptoms of getting sick

WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Tomorrow is our annual garage sale

Fun times!

But not when you're swollen and fatigued and just want to sleep 24/7

I am ready to have my energy back!

WHERE DID IT GO?!?!?!

Throwback Thursday Flashing Forward

This photograph is from 1985. 
I was nearing 1 year old.
My daddy (pictured) was 19
And a marine
I only have a couple pictures like this
Because soon after he was sent overseas to Okinawa, Japan


FLASH FORWARD TO EASTER 2004
 This is my wonderful family
Momo, Mom, Stealth, Aunt, LB, Me
And forefront the real dad in my life, my grandpa

FLASH FORWARD TO TODAY
I'm not impressed
My ankle is still massively swollen
I will weigh in shortly
Meanwhile, this is about how I feel at the moment
EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT ABOUT TO CAVE ON MY JOURNEY
NOR AM I A SUPPORTER OF THE FAT ACCEPTANCE MOVEMENT


Haha! More later

Swollen like Thanksgiving Turkey

This is a weigh in prequel. Not because I feel I need to justify what tomorrow's weight might be but because I am flabbergasted by my body.

I am going to be 100% honest. My eating wasn't 100% but it wasn't bad either. I could have done better, and I could have done serious damage compared to what I actually ate. I zumba'd all but 1 day and my freaking ankles - err excuse me - cankles looked like this, this morning when I removed my socks. MY CAT IS EVEN OFFENDED BY THEIR MORBID SIZE. (Look at Emma's face ... haha)
But seriously, usually you can see the definition of bone on the outside and the tendons and veins on the top of my foot. THIS MONSTROSITY IS NOT NORMAL AND SUPER PAINFUL. I can feel the water swish over the top of my foot when I walk. IT'S REALLY DISGUSTING!



I just don't understand the water retention and it isn't like one high sodium meal did this because I have been drinking fluids to the point that my urine is crystal clear. I have been avoiding high sodium foods and DUH, I've been exercising. I've tried raising my legs above my heart and I have tried cold compresses. NOTHING MAKES THE SWELLING GO AWAY.

PLUS LOOK AT HOW HOT IT HAS BEEN? (102 degrees F) CAN THE WEATHER MAKE UP IT'S MIND WHETHER WE ARE GOING TO SCORCH THE HELL OUT OF THE PACIFIC NORTH WEST OR DRIZZLE IN THE LOW 70'S FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER?!?! MY GOODNESS!!



So yesterday I got desperate because not only is water weight bad for weigh in, this super retention is super uncomfortable.

Before my colonoscopy my ankles swelled like this and when I took the magnesium citrate (laxative) I noticed that the next morning my feet weren't swollen at all anymore after having been swollen for weeks. I thought perhaps the same thing might happen this time, but I could not (COULD NOT) bring myself to drink even 1/2 the super salty lemon-lime drink. It brought back horrid memories of the other foul, super sweet, and thick like mucous drink I had to take before the colonoscopy. PLUS, I was reading that even though the magnesium citrate might temporarily pull the retention from my feet, I could ultimately make it worse with the amount of sodium in the drink. So, I drank about 1/4 of it and tossed it. (The photo below is a re-used one for visual purposes. I drank 1/4 of that smaller bottle which I believe is 10oz... so maybe 2.5oz)



My doctor recommended (after I consulted family and such first) that for immediate (but temporary) relief I could try water pills (diuretics) which is currently what I just took my second dose of. So far it has been about 6 hours and there is no improvement and I'm not even peeing much... ((sigh)) perhaps my body has decided it will start to fail to try and kick my ass into gear. That is what I will choose to believe to motivate me toward health anyway. Tomorrow when I post my weigh in, I will post comparison shots of my feet if there is any difference. Hopefully they will have returned to normal ... even if it does require me to get up various times to urinate throughout the night.

And lastly here are my chiquies playing in the glorious sun. They were quite amused by the tan lines that appeared beneath their suits when they came home and got undressed. This will be the first summer I don't completely douse them in sunblock because they both had a reaction to it previously so my tan baby will turn chocolate and my pasty baby will get tan. Yay for sun and vitamin D! It is much needed up here.


PS - Notice the green bandage on Breezy's middle finger. She had her appointment with the orthopedic doctor yesterday. And come to find out, what the original Urgent Care doctor said was NOTHING, and then the radiologist said was a hairline fracture, the orthopedic doctor has diagnoses as an ACTUAL BREAK. She explained that a hairline fracture is a thin black line within the bone. She then showed me Breezy's X-rays and pointed at a thick jagged black line that severed an entire chunk of bone out of her knuckle. YEAH, I'D CALL THAT A BREAK. My goodness, no one (the urgent care doctor or the radiologist) is competent at their jobs anymore.

So, now she has to wear a splint for 4 weeks so that it will heal. The only time she can take the splint off is when her fingers will get wet, like when she is swimming or bathing. Then I have to wrap her little finger (that is huge and swollen and purple) in special water resistant gauze to make sure it still stays straight. ((sigh))



Monday, June 3, 2013

My Last Word on the Subject

Generally when you have a rapport with someone you have an inkling about what they say and what they do

Even if the person is an acquaintance, when you have interacted through the Internet or the phone you have just a small idea how they may react

So, if you are aware of the post I commented on then you know where the story begins. If not, it really isn't so important as to fill in details.

In fact I am only clarifying because I received two nasty e-mails and a rebuttal of sorts to my last post on the blog where everything went down

As I said, there is a certain rapport individuals gain when interacting with each other

The person who took such offense to a comment I posted on one of her posts should not have taken such offense or thought that I was pointing fingers if she had taken into consideration that I had never pointed fingers or judged her before - we have even had discussions regarding the very topic that went so awry

We had a rapport

She had no reason to believe I was judging or pointing fingers unless she was projecting her own guilt and sadness into my comment. I specifically said I was not judging her. That I had been in a similar situation as her and yet she still chose to take offense.

Enter a third person with whom I do not have any rapport; her husband, who defended his wife quite boldly. (As any good husband would do) However, I do not know him and the way he responded to my comment wasn't well received by me.

Now if the woman herself had responded that my comment offended her, I think things would have turned out a little differently.

But instead of facing my comment and telling me that it had hurt her, her husband did it for her

I'm not a fan - especially since she didn't take the opportunity to confront me in the space and time between my interaction on her blog and my post on my own. And just as my comment was misinterpreted, her husband's comment was interpreted by me as fairly cold and condescending. (Which I suppose is to be expected if my comment had been nasty - I really don't think it was nasty though)

Hence my post on my blog

Now, let me tell you what had happened previously to this incident

  • I had a really bad day with food - my hormones were everywhere (no excuse, right?)
  • My daughter had just been misdiagnosed as healthy when in reality her finger bone was split
  • I was having some family issues that I won't go into that brought my own history to the forefront
  • My ex husband was texting quite explicitly back and forth with his 'girl' friend or girlfriend and the texts started coming to my daughter's iPad - you can imagine I was a bit distressed
  • I had been reading blog after blog looking for something to yank me out of my uninspired fit only to find everyone else in slumps too - no one's fault but then I happened upon her post
  • I had received an e-mail from a high school friend boasting about some things that needless to explain made me jealous and sad
  • There are a few other things that I don't care to share because while significant, they are too close to home right now
Now, there is a rebuttal - not really - but there isn't a proper word for what she wrote condemning my post as if it was solely about her. It wasn't. Pure and simple. Again a misinterpretation. 

Was the post triggered by her very emotional post? Yes. 

Was it triggered by the response of her husband to what I felt was a well intended and conversational comment on her post? Yes. 

Could it have been avoided if she had confronted me personally? Yes. 

But was the entire post solely about her? No. 

Will the entire incident even be a second thought in my head after I press publish? No. 

Will I continue to comment openly with good intentions? Probably not on hers. 
Which makes me kinda sad because I loved her blog. 

Oh well, lesson learned

And that is that . . .




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