Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Not in the Mood

I haven't been in the mood to write
It isn't because I gained 7.8lbs on my trip to Disney
Even though I did

It's more because I am exhausted from unpacking
Washing
Drying
Folding
Washing more
Drying more
Folding more
And the cycle (literally) continues on and on
It is quite the chore to come home from a 10 day vacation

Other than that I am on plan
On track
I plan to lose those 7.8lbs and more
I plan to be successful
I am successful

A little photo dump of Disney
This is less than a 10th of the photos I took but they still convey the
"MAGIC"










Monday, October 7, 2013

Week 9 Progress

In short this is my off week.

I have had a pattern in the last 9 weeks.
Week 1 was -5
Week 2 was -4
Week 3 was +.4
Week 4 was -1
Week 5 was -3.6
Week 6 was -0
Week 7 was -3.8
Week 8 was - 3

It seems like every 2 weeks or so I don't have a loss or I have a small gain or something like it. This week was no different, falling into the pattern of lose - lose - gain or maintain. I only lost 0.4 this week but I am okay with that. I am working hard and I feel the changes. I feel stronger, with more energy and I love how my clothes are fitting. I suddenly have many new options now that I fit into a bunch of clothes I have owned forever but never fit into. Yay!

Column1 End Wk 1 End wk 8 End wk9
Dress Size 28 & 3xl 26 & 2xl 26 &2xl
Bust 42.5 40.5 40
Arms 19 17 17
Waist 50.5 45 45
Hips 67 63.5 63
Thighs 33.5 31 31

As for measurements this week I only lost 1 inch total but a grand total of 16.5 inches in 9 weeks
This makes me very happy



The main difference in the 9 week pic that isn't quite visible is the missing frontal butt which has shrunk significantly. You can see it (a little) in the week 1 pic but even it does not do justice to how awful it was. Another difference that I see is that (this shirt being the same in both photos but tucked into my pants in week 9) is huge in the arms, where it used to be quite snug and I would need to stretch the sleeves out before I felt comfortable.

I am not certain but I think when I return from Disneyland I will be switching the shirt up to a tank top for more obvious comparison


My butt looks about the same size to me, until you see how much of the door is visible in the first photo and how much of the door is visible in the second. I admittedly was standing a little closer to the door in the second photo but it is still quite a difference.



Same shirt, freshly washed in both photos.... one of these things is different haha


The side photos are always my favorite because they are where I show the most progress. 
Sorry about the blur ... the cat was very aggressively trying to get into the room and was stressing me out while simultaneously trying to hold my shirt tight and not let my hand shake.

On that note - this will be the last weekly progress report until the 21st. 
I am praying that given 5 days of constantly being on the move around Disney and not having a ton of money to spend on food will help me at least maintain my loss but maybe lose more as well



The ex-husband e-mailed me today to see the kids
He knows the rules and he blatantly just does not want to follow them
I didn't even know what to say other than to reiterate what I have always said about following the Parenting Plan
(((sigh)))

I cannot wait to get out of dodge and just relax with the family without the tedium of normal life, chores, school, etc. 

I may blog between now and then unless I find myself in a tornado of 'things to do' before we leave. Sass has her last day of school and I need to go grocery shopping. I am getting the caterpillars on my face waxed to beautifosmousness 
(Yes, that would be b-e-a-u-tif-fuss-muss-nuss lol)
I have to bake some yummy nummyness for my sister and for the trip
Then I have parent teacher conferences and need to make sure all necessities are packed and of course picking of the van, making sure all insurance and ticket arrangements are taken care of
AND THEN WE LEAVE
Soooo, if you don't hear from me, I'm probably drowning in a load of things I gotst to do
Until next time







Sunday, October 6, 2013

Mourning

I feel like I've taken a step back into mourning my relationship with my ex husband
Lately I find myself missing things about him when they pop into my head
I see men who resemble him and for a moment my heart jumps
I will have a dream about him and all the good memories flood back in
I miss his hands
I've always been a sucker for good hands
He had good hands
Long thick fingers and a strong square shaped palm
I miss the way he'd hold my face when he talked to me
I miss hearing his voice
I miss his hugs
I miss the way he looked in blue jeans and a fitted button up plaid shirt
I miss his crooked smile
His big cow eyes with long lashes that I see whenever I look at my babies
I miss how soft his lips were
And the cute nicknames he had for me

But now those memories are marred
The man who called the police that one night 
for no other reason than to make a fuss over me not letting him see my e-mails
Was not the same man I loved
He was not the same man I hoped he would become
I know now that he was always the man he was
And it was only in my imagination that he would become the man I thought he could be
That was my wrong thinking and wrong doing

I should have known better

Meanwhile, as I sit here and find myself thinking of him less
I find that when he does cross my thoughts
The memories are crystal clear and as sharp as a knife slicing across my mind
And then the sting fades, and I forget
Sometimes for only a day
Sometimes for as long as two weeks
Until the next trigger brings a flashback of memories painfully to my conscious

Today was one of those days
I saw someone who reminded me of him at church
Then another man wearing the exact blue and white button up plaid shirt 
with the sleeves rolled to the elbows
I smelled a cologne on someone that was what he used to wear
And it seemed I could not get away from his memory today
I don't know what that means
I'm working through it

I signed up for a dating site
Not because I want to date but because I thought I could meet some funny people 
and at least have an online social life
But I've found I am just not interested
And not even because they aren't him
But because I have found I am fulfilled with my kids
My family
The social life I have through church and Sassy's school
God has given me much to fill my life and my days
I don't need a dating site, or a man to fill it

Tomorrow is weigh in day
Again, I'm unsure of how I did this week
I did not eat a point over what is allowed
But I ALWAYS seem to question myself

... Stay tuned ...

Meanwhile I leave you with a beautiful song that my friend recorded acapella and wrote herself.
Her name is Mary and she is a wife and mom of three.
I think her voice is amazing


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