Monday, December 29, 2014

By the End of 2015

We all do this
We all get to the end of any given year
and draw up our designs for the next year
as if on December 31st is our God given RESET button 

for everything wrong in our lives
so we make new resolutions
and we write them down
and we go over them and over them until they are ingrained in our brains

we talk and dream about how life will be different
and then we do what we said we are going to do for about
oh . . . two minutes . . .
and then our life resumes back to normal

I have had a new years resolution of weight loss since before I knew what weight loss meant
But this year I am not going for weight loss
(though the side affect of weight loss would not be snubbed)
Instead I am going for health

By the end of 2015 I don't plan to have:

- Migraines that bombard my life at least once a week
- Dizzy, woozy spells that leave me concerned wondering if there is something more serious going on
- Angina mixed with digestive upset that makes me think at times I am having a heart attack
- Fluctuating high blood pressure
- Dry dry skin on my elbows and ankles
- Swollen limbs
- Acid reflux / GERD
- Back/muscle/joint pain from the weight of my too heavy body
- Panic attacks / anxiety

What I plan to have by the end of 2015 is one simple thing

A normal, healthy, well rounded, uncluttered, significantly less stressful life. 
(with kids, haha, I know . . . pipe dreams are my specialty)

This will include (hopefully) :

- more time spent on my health; eating and exercise even if it isn't what everyone else thinks I should be doing
- more time spent with my girls; homework, games, puzzles, movies, laughing, giggling
- less time spent worrying about finances, the ex husband and health issues
- less time spent trying to control every situation so that my world isn't shattered
- more time enjoying life
- more time drinking sweet red wine
- more time drinking good flavored coffee
- more time enjoying my volunteer hours 
- less time stressing about who I am disappointing
- eliminating all toxic people from my life including on social media
(which I wasn't supposed to have been paying in the first place per our division of assets in the divorce, but hey, I am allowed to be bitter. It's still 2014)

And a few things I know WILL NOT happen in 2015

- I will not give up
- I will not let myself down
- I'll never run around and desert . . .

ok no more 80's music for me . . . (check out this LINK if you don't know what I'm talking about)

And if you want to read about other people's 'END OF 2015' aspirations, goals, and resolutions check out Juliette's Link Up Here or Amber's Link Up Here.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Are You Saying I'm Fat?

This evening as I nibbled on a slice of pizza (I only had one, because pizza just hasn't been tasting very good lately) and was contemplating a comment one of my readers posted about me potentially having PCOS, my grandparents arrived to say hi to the girls and berate me . . . yes, I wrote that on purpose though I doubt the initial intention of their visit was to do so.

You see, my grandpa is a man (big surprise, right?) and as most men do (even the most well intending) sometimes my grandpa says things with good intentions in his mind but they come out sounding like a horrible insult and a deep blow to the ego.

Tonight my grandpa looked me over in my paisley pajama bottoms and mismatched too large nightgown/shirt thing and made a mental assessment . . . then proceeded to speak his assessment out loud.

"What did you have for dinner?"

"Pizza!" The girls exclaimed.

And without asking if I too had pizza he looks at me with a heavily disapproving expression and says, "What happened to the primal diet?"

Not wanting to stick my foot in my mouth or appear more stupid (or fatter) than I already did I just shrugged.

"New years is right around the corner and your Christmas spaghetti dinner wasn't exactly on my primal menu."

He kinda rolled his eyes and glanced at the show the girls were watching on the TV and the invisible light bulb above his head was so bright I was nearly blinded.

"When are you going to start dancing again?" He asked implying my Zumba DVDs.

"When I lose another 15lbs so I don't kill myself," I replied half sarcastically and half serious as I imagined the one time when I was at a lower weight and nearly threw myself through the wall.

"Oh," he grumbled, displeased with my lack of enthusiasm. "How do you plan to lose any weight if you don't dance?"

Really Papa? You had to go there? - I did not say this but I was thinking it and if looks could have killed . . .

Instead I replied, "Because it isn't exercise that causes weight loss it is the eating and if I exercise and eat crap I am basically neutralizing my efforts."

"Oh," he grumbled again AND THANKFULLY didn't bring it up again.

But as he went out in the backyard to get a trash bag from the shed to help with Christmas trash mountain in my house, I caught a glimpse of myself in my full length mirror. And even though I conveniently keep n arm chair piled with extra blankets in front of it, I was not spared the 7 month pregnant looking belly, the very round expanse of my backside and the second and almost third chin glaring back at me. No, I have not been kind to myself this holiday season. Not even a little.

But I didn't need him to point it out to me.

Hell, I look at myself in the mirror every day.

I know what I have done to myself.

As I posted last night, I not only SEE IT but I FEEL IT more than sufficiently and am actually quite looking forward to January 1st.

And of course now I have added incentive. Not only to FEEL BETTER and to LOOK BETTER but to never have my grandpa look at me again like he did tonight . . . with pity and remorse and a helplessness that only I can take away.

Dizziness, Fatigue, and Mood Swings OH MY!

I am sitting here on this evening of December 27th 2014 using my new (to me) laptop to blog while simultaneously watching The Good Wife on my old laptop. Truth be told I am not yet watching because the shockwave plug-in on my old laptop likes to die, a lot . . . all the time in fact which is why I was so excited to get this new laptop. So here I am rebooting, still . . .

Christmas was amazing. Very relaxing. Many smiles. So much love! 

A couple days before Christmas the girls and I went out for breakfast
My dad (who lives in Vegas) came to visit that day
with my 9 year old sister whom I had never met before

Do we look similar?

They stayed for 3 days 
we went to an indoor play park
we went to the Zoo Lights in Oregon
we went shopping
and we had family dinner with my grandparents and my aunt, uncle and cousin
On the 23rd we baked
and my sugar cookies came out absolutely delicious if I do say so myself
as did my plain oatmeal and oatmeal, walnut, craisin cookies
However the most interesting aspect of this baking day was not the baking itself
rather, when I got irritated and accidentally grabbed the oven rack
while the oven was on

this photo was taken moments after it happened
the white areas are where my fingers were burned
thankfully, the burns were not as bad as they could have been
my index finger took about four days to regain feeling
I burned my fingerprint flat which was weird
and strangely enough I burned the side of my middle finger

which has bubbled and blistered nicely as you can see
(I think it should be noted that to get this photo I had to turn my hand upside down and rotate it at an awkward angle . . . what bloggers will do for a photo - that post for another time)

Love for their great papa

The girls were ultra spoiled this Christmas
Dolls and games and gadgets galore
Not to mention Santa's presents
A vanity for Sassy and nostalgic cooking gadgets for Breezy

Sassy and Breezy demonstrating how to eat homemade cotton candy
from Breezy's new cotton candy machine

And speaking of cotton candy, and candy and cookies and crap food in general
(like my maneuver there into my next topic? haha)

I wrote about my 'fainting' spell a while back and I have come to the conclusion that aside from anxiety, my diet is a great contributing factor to how I feel and not just whether I feel good or feel like crap. But whether I can get in the car confidently and drive without fear of tunnel vision or woozy eyeballs. This past week on Christmas vacation has been an enormous eye opener to me about how the content of my nutrition really does affect my overall physical AND mental/psychological health.

I have spent the last several days eating all the festive things people eat during the Christmas holiday from breakfast loaves to cookies, candies, crackers, noodles, rice . . . essentially copious amounts of sugar and carbs in addition to meats and other fatty foods without very much fruit or veggies at all and I feel like absolute shiitake mushrooms!! Seriously . . . chest cramps - sometimes I think I am having a heart attack and let me tell you that is not something you ever want to experience if you haven't. Dizziness - it is a terrible sensation to feel as if your body is moving and your brain is going in the opposite direction. Mental fog - lack of clarity with a difficult time focusing. Panic attacks - from panic about the chest pains to panic about the what ifs of life to stupid crazy anxiety about things no person can ever control. Body aches, intense fatigue, moodiness, and honestly a plethora of other signs and symptoms that tell me crap in moderation isn't good. But crap in copious amounts is starting to feel lethal.

Now before this last week I had been eating the Primal Blueprint diet. I feel GREAT on that diet! No chest cramping, maybe one dizzy spell, no psychological or mental issues, body aches only associated with the size of my body and not the affects of the foods I am ingesting, and no mood swings. So, needless to say I will be resuming that way of eating.

And that my friends is that for now . . .

Until next time .  . . annnnnnnddddddd

Sunday, December 7, 2014

All the Photos for All the Moments

The last 3ish weeks in selfies photos

I did take selfies of course
Because I love selfies
Narcissistic much?

But of course not so narcissistic that I have to hog the selfies all to myself
I must include my gorgeous offspring also

And take terribly embarrassing photos of them
while they nap
and drool all over

But then you get a shot like this and it's like
what an angel

and then you instagram that thing to make it purdy-fuller

Said angel won an award at school for being
They apparently do not know my child
... I jest, I jest ...
sort of

Smallest child performed a song for parents and family
at their Turkey Day Feast
They even made their own pilgrim bonnets and vests

Oldest had a Turkey Day Party down the hall too

Then Turkey Day came
and I only took selfies
and selfies with offspring
and selfies with offspring and photobombing cousins


Then we decornated for Christmas
and yes decorNated is totally a word
I say so

And we began our 25 days of X-Mas Advent Calendar
Where the children are obnoxiously spoiled
with too many toys before Christmas
by my mom

We went to a Christmas Tree farm
where apparently we did everything but see Christmas trees
We were read a story
drank hot chocolate

Fed strangely shaved and post birth barnyard animals

Played follow the leader

Ran around like mini lunatics

road on a hay wagon

and of course, took more selfies with offspring

napped on the bus home

didn't nap on the bus home

Cursed at Hulu and Vizio
because my Vizio 'smart TV' is so flippin' dumb
It can't even communicate with the Hulu app designed for it
So I was stuck watching ALL THE SHOWS on my iPad

I flipped a boiling glass bowl of chilli on myself
and scalded my arm

I dressed up Mr. Pierce for Christmas

We talked to an elf and Santa on the NORTH POLE COMMUNICATOR

drank mas hot chocolate

ate some candy cane goodness

pretended to be a reindeer
... or in her case, a moose

had lots of love and hugs and kisses

Which brings us to the present . . .

Until next time I don't write for three weeks
The End

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