Sunday, March 23, 2014

Time to Face the Music

It has been more than 4 years

FOUR YEARS

More than 48 Months

More than 208 Weeks

More than 1424 Days

Since I lost 55lbs in 2010

It has been 8 months

32 weeks

224 days

Since I started Weight Watchers with my mom

More than 4 years ago on January 1st 2010

I weighed

25lbs LESS than I do today

This brings tears to my eyes

Frustration and sadness and complete lack of control make me want to grab hold of my hair 
and shake myself 
until I get it

If I don't stop NOW

I AM GOING TO DIE

SOON

I have been eating myself into a coma of numbness

I have eaten to the point of actually needing to vomit 
so that there wasn't still food in my esophagus

My migraines are rampant

I am constantly tired

It.Has.To.Stop

Tomorrow I am going to go out and buy a new scale
(my old one died)

Tomorrow I will try again

Because that is all I can keep doing

Fall down time and time again

But always get up one more time than you fall

I am not going to make empty promises
(I have done it over and over and I am even sick of myself and my lack of ability to stick to what I say I will do)

I am not going to make weight loss goals

Instead, I am going to take it one day, 
one hour, 
one minute if necessary at a time
(This will be my goal)

I can't be this person anymore

I can't live my life not enjoying anything because of how horrible I feel

How insecure I feel

How sick I feel

How tired I feel

How out of place I feel

Physically and emotionally

The cycle must end

It MUST

And tomorrow is a new day




1 comment :

  1. Stop looking at the past....look to the future. You know what to do. DO IT! :-)

    And my words come from deep within me. I was crying and looking down upon myself because of where I've been...the time I've wasted..the weight I regained....I could have written your blog post. And finally I said Enough MaryFran.....the past is the past. It's time to focus on the future!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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