Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Confessions IV: Sorry, Not Sorry

I am putting way to much thought into this post

I don't even really know what 'sorry not sorry' means

It makes me think of all the bitchy girls I went to high school with
Who I would have liked to give a 'sorry not sorry' high five
to their face
with a chair

In other news

I accepted the 30 day squat and push-up challenge and have decided it's basically crap
because I could do on day 1 what they expect me to do on day 14
So, I'm making up my own challenge

I bitched out my ex husband yesterday AND today
via text
for reneging on a promise he made to our daughters
I don't feel even a little bit bad

Even though I generally despise it,
I like to use the eff word when I'm talking about or to him

Until I wrote this post I didn't realize that I thought the word SMUT
meant something that it does not mean
I found out when I googled 'smut gifs'
(!¡Do Not Google That Shizz¡!)

I admit I am a reader and watcher of smut pointless sexy romances
Give me 50 Shades, the Bachelorette and Mistresses 
I want to watch and read ALL the smut  pointless sexy romances
(it may have something to do with my perpetually empty sex life)

I ate two extra portions of tortilla chips tonight
pushing me over my daily calorie limit
(ok, maybe a little sorry -- feelin' like a blimp)

"I'm only going to put the Vicks Vaporub on your feet,"
as I then proceed to slather it across her chest
"Nope, just making sure your hearts not racing with all that coughing," 
I explain when she whines that I'm rubbing it on her chest
She settled and isn't coughing anymore
I blatantly fibbed to my daughter
(it was for her own good)

I stare at myself in the mirror a lot

After picking vegetables from our veggie garden
and being told to go wash her hands and get her jammies on
I found Breezy in the bathroom stark naked washing not only her hands
but her butt cheek with my lemon hand soap
Me: "Are you washing your butt with my hand soap?"
Breezy: "Nope!"
Me: "Then why do you have soap on your butt cheek?"
Breezy looks like a deer in the headlights
and instead of reprimand her for lying
all I could do was laugh
(I did reprimand her later for the lying - not the butt washing)
personal hygiene is a good thing 
and not to be discouraged even if it is unconventional

I totally screw with telemarketers
It is one of my favorite past times


I hate the term hump day

Vodka and Soda



  1. haha, I didn't know the term hump day existed until a few years ago. I'm not a huge fan either.
    I view sorry not sorry as something society says I should be sorry for, but I'm not.. like eating extra portions of tortilla chips. NOMNOMNOM.

  2. Uugh I hate the telemarketers. I used to like talking to someone and bullshitting them but then the calls just increased so now I try to cut it off within the first 30 seconds. #sorrynotsorry ;) lol

    1. Our telemarketers are all from 'microsoft' call about the 'signal' our computer is sending out saying we have 'viruses' and asking for money to 'fix them'... their names are also usually John Smith Or Patty Ray and they sound like they just learned English ;) So.Much.Fun

  3. I stare at myself in the mirror a lot as well. It's a strange addiction and I've gotten better but then again who cares!!

  4. I love that Hades Gif! Screwing with Telemarketers is way too fun! I do it to!

  5. LMFAO!!!!
    I tend to overly use the F word too when talking to or about my ex husband..but thats the reason they are ex's!

    Your daughter washing her butt with hand soap made me laugh out loud...that is too hilarious I don't think I would have reprimanded either.

  6. I love this post. Every word!

  7. Great post! I would love a garden, but only if it came with a groundskeeper, because I am not for playing in the dirt or coming in close proximity to bugs.

    1. I am one lucky chicky! The garden was my gramma's idea and so she planted it and tends to it with the help of my girls and I get to reap the benefits of the yummy fresh veggies and fruits. nom nom nom

  8. Gosh I love your humor! Even though I'm not a fan of 50 Shades, I still love the Bachelorette! That gives me a few brownie points, right?

  9. OMG!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing. I just came across your blog by following a link on #sorrynotsorry link and I have to say you made me laugh out loud. I am work and probably shouldn't be on here reading blogs but oh well. Thanks so much for sharing and hope you have a great week and weekend.


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