Saturday, August 30, 2014

{Twisted} Sunday Social

Traffic on the weekend always peters out
{as in, there is next to none - haha}
So, I have taken to not really putting much effort into my weekend posts
Not that my readership or traffic dictates what I post
But if I have nothing of substance to write to begin with
I feel like it takes too much ALL my energy
just to come up with something enjoyable or read-worthy

I have been on a bit of a link-up kick lately
{especially when I can't think of anything to post}
and I know when I first started blogging 
I wasn't a huge fan of reading the link-ups
So, I apologize if - like I wasn't - you're not into them

Regardless, I am linking up with Ashley Lately
for her Sunday Social

1. What is one thing you hate doing?
// There is nothing that I inherently hate doing. Although I am not a huge fan of some things:
~ Following rules, like naming only one thing I hate doing. We MUST name all.the.things
~ Unloading the dishwasher - so, I don't
~ Folding and hanging up clothes - again, so I don't - well, sometimes I do but it is against my will
~ Braiding my daughters' hair - because their hair is so thick but so fine that it just falls right out
~ Oh, but the thing I hate doing most is in the mornings when = wake up

2. What is one thing you hate shopping for?
// me? hate shopping? No! Never!
Actually, I hate shopping for underwear. I can never find the right kind the first time. I have a brand, size, material I LOVE but I can never ever remember what those details are and so there is a trial and error of: buy the wrong underwear, return it, buy more and realize it's still wrong so I return it and the cycle goes on and on until eventually {like months later} I finally {usually by accident} find the right kind
3. What is one thing you love doing?
// again, I love breaking the one thing rule
~ I love watching my girls play and laugh and have fun - it makes my mommy heart happy
~ I love drinking a good cup of coffee or my favorite latte when the air is crisp and smells like fall
~ I love binging on Netflix
~ I love drinking red wine and getting sappy while I binge on Netflix
~ I love cooking and baking ALL.THE.FOOD
~ I love driving in my car for hours to nowhere in particular listening to awesome music
~ Taking pictures of my three exceptionally photogenic girlies the week before 2014-2015 school year starts

4. What is one place you love going?
// duh
 . . . 'Nuff said . . .

5. What is your favorite thing to do that you do daily?
// all.the.things I mentioned two questions above?

Was that a trick question . . ?
{'cuz I have to go finish my shows now}

Until next time . . . 

Thursday, August 28, 2014

That Time When the World Didn't Disappoint Me . . .

It isn't a secret that I have been having kind of a rough go at life lately. I have seriously felt defeated from all angles from my eating habits which have sucked and my overall health; my bloated cankles that after 3 months shrunk to normal size only to send the edema straight to my lungs. Totally a #FML situation. Then there is my living situation which I suppose could be a ton worse but it is compounded by circumstances with the ex husband and of course feeling like an overall shitty mother because I don't feel well and have to be on these meds that turn me into a raging bitch-monster. I have spent the last two nights compiling texts and correspondence and drafting letters and 'Wills' and feeling basically like I am inviting death . . . yes, it seriously was that depressing. I have felt anxious and skittish and obsessive and sad . . .

(Yes, there is a but)

TODAY proves that it only takes one little ray of sunshine to brighten the darkness.

TODAY I had an appointment across town for an exam with a new dentist.

I was FREAKING OUT. Internally of course.

If you would like to read about the absolute nightmare of my last dental experience, CLICK HERE and HERE.

I tried turning on my favorite Christian radio station and just losing myself in the music and it sorta kinda maybe worked until I arrived. I told myself I was cool. I was calm. But my blood pressure was through the roof. I could feel my heart beating in my chest and I was sitting still. No exertion to make that necessary.

I arrived 40 minutes early. Filled out the new patient paperwork and waited. I chit-chatted with the receptionists who were exceptionally nice as well as an elderly woman who seemed just as nervous as I was. I watched another young lady who appeared to be my age but might have been a bit mentally challenged because she could not sit still and kept tipping her chair from side to side to side. This seemed to make the aforementioned older lady a bit nervous and perturbed as well. I waited and waited with my gut in my throat and when they called me back at 10 minutes past 2 I tried to calmly walk back.

They had me sit in the customary chair. They pulled up my X-rays that they had taken at the previous dental office.The doctor this time, instead of a mean Chinese lady (like at my last dental office) was a very mild mannered, humorous Japanese man. His assistant was Latino-American and they both made me feel very comfortable.

Even still, when they took my blood pressure it was 146/94. YIKES! Just the other day at the doctor (due to my steroid medication it had been 194/110 so it was down a bit but when you're used to seeing 120-ish over 80-ish that high number is concerning)

They poked and prodded around a little bit telling me my wisdom teeth are impacted but that they didn't need to be extracted . . . yet. That if my filling from hell bothered me any more it could be extracted or I could have root canal therapy but just to watch and wait. They told me I had one cavity that needs filling (not 3 like the other dental place) and one that could become a cavity but they will just watch it. I was scheduled for a normal cleaning . . . no deep cleaning with laser pushing at this office . . . and the one filling and was sent on my way. Comfortable. Satisfied. HAPPY!

I snapped this picture in the bathroom before I left (By the time I left I had to pee like a race-horse) to show that I could leave a dental office smiling, not crying.

My confidence in humanity and the people who work in dentistry has been renewed. Granted, they haven't done any actual work on my teeth yet, so come October I will have to weigh in on whether they are as good as I am making them out to be. But if this visit was any precursor for what is to come, I think I will be very happy.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Confessions of 1000 Posts

THIS IS MY 1000th POST!!

And what better way to celebrate my 1000th post
than with Humpday Confessions?!
and Ian of course

Food Confessions

// I have been eating everything under God's sun


// I haven't really even felt guilty about it

// I just keep thinking, 'FEED ME ALL THE FOOD'

// and then I feel gross and push it away and wish I could go purge somewhere

// but I hate throwing up

// So, I don't

Clothes Confessions

// I have been wearing the same shirt for 3 days now

// I am not even kidding

// I don't even feel gross about it

// thankfully there are no stains; food, pit, or otherwise

// It's comfy and I feel like crap . . . 'nuff said

// on the other hand, I have had to change my pants like eleventy billion times

// because this cough I have causes a bit of incontinence

// ok, a lot of incontinence

// so, I am constantly peeing myself

// no fun, no joke, don't judge me

Ex Confessions

// I am feeling supremely anxious

// I keep waiting for some kind of ball to drop

// Then I think maybe it is just my medication which has anxiety as a side effect

// but why hasn't he gone to the visitation place?

// if he's gone, why haven't they called me?

// what is he planning?

// what are his evil schemes??

// Yes, I realize I am completely effing up the whole 'confession thing'


Health Confessions

// The nurse practitioner told me a side effect of my meds would be bitchiness

// I'm feeling the bitchiness

// in spades

// Aaand . . .  my period won't go away

// It just keeps taking it's time coming and going, ebbing and flowing

// my guts hurt

// I can't tell if it's from the shit I'm eating or the super toxic medicine


// Lord help me during menopause cuz mama does not like this

TV Confessions

// I finished ALL.THE.EPISODES of Breaking bad in a few weeks

// I finished ALL.THE.EPISODES of Orange is the New Black in 1 week

// I tried Weeds . . . (not to be confused with weed, because I've never tried weed) but I just can't get into it

// I am hooked on Mistresses though

// Did anyone else see it coming that Daniel is FBI?

// I'm anxiously awaiting White Collar, Parenthood, The Bachelor and um . . . some other shows

Jealous Confessions

// My sister applied for an internship at Disneyland

// I simultaneously want to steal her life and cry because that means FREE TICKETS


// If you don't know what this means to me, you.don'

Gross Confessions

// I have three new scars on my boob

// long.story

// three course black hairs found

// side effect of steroid? hmmm 

// aforementioned hairs plucked . . .  apparently with violence

// because I made minor wounds

// wounds that turned scabby

// and I am a recovering picker

// #UGH

Morbid Confessions

// In a fit of panic I wrote out a Guardianship 'Will' for my girls

// You know in case I die

// And now I can't stop thinking about how I could die

// I don't want to die

// So, I'm not gonna

Fun Confessions

// errr, emmm, ummm . . . let's just look at all the hotness . . . mmmk?
(if these men aren't your thing . . . well tough)

Vodka and Soda

Monday, August 25, 2014

Breathing is Overrated . . .

So, you know how I have been bitching complaining 
about swollen ankles for ever like 2 months
Well, about 8 days ago the swelling up and disappeared
The pain fled with it
and in its stead I was left with
an upper respiratory infection
that morphed into pre-pneumonia
and triggered ASTHMA!!

So, now instead of worrying about
you know
I have to worry about

Last week I went to the doc
Was diagnosed with 'acute respiratory infection' aka bronchitis
The viral sort of course, so there was nothing to be done
Was told to go home and rest

Then on Saturday
I was annoyed by this pesky thing called


It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest
While simultaneously blowing soap bubbles through my lungs
with every inhalation and exhalation
**Honk honk Rattle rattle clank clank beep beep**
^^ if you don't get this your childhood sucked^^

So back to the doctor Nurse Practitioner I went
(because God forbid a real doctor work on Saturdays)
She had me X-rayed
Determined it was pre-pneumonia
Shoved steroids down my throat
sent me home with more steroids to shove down my own throat
and I was on my merry way

(mind you these steroids she sent me home with were sent with an explicit warning):
-The Nurse Practitioners words, not mine

Whatever she gave me in the office worked like a charm
My chest cleared (marginally)
I was able to sleep 
without having a coughing fit every 10 minutes seconds

The next morning I felt well enough to go to church
and breakfast
Where after my meal I ingested my next dose of steroids
(different than what I was given at the office)
And from there the whole thing went downhill

Hot flashes of the menopausal variety
cold sweats
stomach ache
loss of train of thought
Swelling in the face and ankles
(and those are just the side effect I experienced . . .
there are a whole other slough of possibilities to come)

and the best part?


The elephant couldn't get his fat ass off my chest
And every 10 minutes seconds I had a coughing fit
that made me think I was literally going to hack up a lung

So back to the doctor today I went
Feeling like I was going nuts
Feeling like my chest was going to simultaneously
combust and cave in on itself

There was a 3+ hour wait
But they got me in in less than 20 mins
I went through the gamut
X-Ray (yes, again)
Nebulizer treatment

and yes, by this time 
(about 8 minutes into treatment) 
I was feeling well enough to take a selfie

all to find out
my pre-pneumonia triggered my asthma
Asthma I haven't had since I was 16-17 years old

again I ask

And now here I am at home
I have a fun inhaler to puff on every 4-6 hours as needed
I still have to take my pro-psychotics steroid medication 
to keep my lungs from setting themselves on fire becoming inflamed
I have been instructed to rest

So I have been
hanging out with my little monsters
Being immensely entertained by them
and visiting with my Gramma 
who has taken on the enormous responsibility 
of taking care of us while I'm down

I not only started but finished all episodes in the 2 seasons of OITNB

and was supremely annoyed pissed off
when I found out the 3rd season doesn't air until June 2015

I have moved on to Weeds
I am on the 4th episode of season 1 and am not much impressed so far
We shall see though
Does anyone have any other good show suggestions
That I can binge on while I'm down when my kiddos are sleeping??

Oh and to top off the shit cake that is this week
who should drop me a line text
but good 'ol Mr. A


After the last few FaceTime conversations the girls have had with him
Where they were left anxious and fearful and even crying
When he texted me on Thursday
asking me which days he could see them at the visitation center
I told him they would call me to set up the visits
and not to contact me directly again

Then today
he texted me again
His MO for thinking something must have changed
in his favor
between Thursday and today
And told me he wanted to talk to his daughters before they went to bed
I told him
if he wanted to talk to them he was welcome to do so at the visitation center
and the visitation center would call me to set up the visits
and again, not to contact me directly

The man seriously freaks me out


With school prep on the horizon
School itself starting next week
Feeling like I have been hit by a steam roller
and then bulldozed by a mac truck

The man needs to just

Until he gets his shit together and does what he's supposed to do
And with that ladies (and gents?) . . . 

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