Monday, August 25, 2014

Breathing is Overrated . . .

So, you know how I have been bitching complaining 
about swollen ankles for ever like 2 months
Well, about 8 days ago the swelling up and disappeared
The pain fled with it
and in its stead I was left with
an upper respiratory infection
that morphed into pre-pneumonia
and triggered ASTHMA!!


So, now instead of worrying about
you know
WALKING
I have to worry about
BREATHING


Last week I went to the doc
Was diagnosed with 'acute respiratory infection' aka bronchitis
The viral sort of course, so there was nothing to be done
Was told to go home and rest


Then on Saturday
I was annoyed by this pesky thing called

I COULDN'T EFFING BREATHE

It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest
While simultaneously blowing soap bubbles through my lungs
with every inhalation and exhalation
**Honk honk Rattle rattle clank clank beep beep**
^^ if you don't get this your childhood sucked^^

Anyway
So back to the doctor Nurse Practitioner I went
(because God forbid a real doctor work on Saturdays)
She had me X-rayed
Determined it was pre-pneumonia
Shoved steroids down my throat
sent me home with more steroids to shove down my own throat
and I was on my merry way

(mind you these steroids she sent me home with were sent with an explicit warning):
MAY WILL PROBABLY CAUSE 'PISSINESS AND IRRITABILITY'
-The Nurse Practitioners words, not mine

Whatever she gave me in the office worked like a charm
My chest cleared (marginally)
I was able to sleep 
without having a coughing fit every 10 minutes seconds

The next morning I felt well enough to go to church
and breakfast
Where after my meal I ingested my next dose of steroids
(different than what I was given at the office)
And from there the whole thing went downhill


Headache
Heartburn
Hot flashes of the menopausal variety
cold sweats
stomach ache
nausea
disoriented
loss of train of thought
Swelling in the face and ankles
(and those are just the side effect I experienced . . .
there are a whole other slough of possibilities to come)

and the best part?

I STILL COULDN'T EFFING BREATHE

The elephant couldn't get his fat ass off my chest
And every 10 minutes seconds I had a coughing fit
that made me think I was literally going to hack up a lung

So back to the doctor today I went
Feeling like I was going nuts
Feeling like my chest was going to simultaneously
combust and cave in on itself

There was a 3+ hour wait
But they got me in in less than 20 mins
I went through the gamut
EKG
X-Ray (yes, again)
Nebulizer treatment


and yes, by this time 
(about 8 minutes into treatment) 
I was feeling well enough to take a selfie

all to find out
my pre-pneumonia triggered my asthma
Asthma I haven't had since I was 16-17 years old

again I ask


And now here I am at home
I have a fun inhaler to puff on every 4-6 hours as needed
I still have to take my pro-psychotics steroid medication 
to keep my lungs from setting themselves on fire becoming inflamed
I have been instructed to rest


So I have been
hanging out with my little monsters
Being immensely entertained by them
and visiting with my Gramma 
who has taken on the enormous responsibility 
of taking care of us while I'm down

I not only started but finished all episodes in the 2 seasons of OITNB





and was supremely annoyed pissed off
when I found out the 3rd season doesn't air until June 2015


I have moved on to Weeds
I am on the 4th episode of season 1 and am not much impressed so far
We shall see though
Does anyone have any other good show suggestions
That I can binge on while I'm down when my kiddos are sleeping??

Oh and to top off the shit cake that is this week
who should drop me a line text
but good 'ol Mr. A


PERFECT TIMING BUDDY

After the last few FaceTime conversations the girls have had with him
Where they were left anxious and fearful and even crying
When he texted me on Thursday
asking me which days he could see them at the visitation center
I told him they would call me to set up the visits
and not to contact me directly again

Then today
he texted me again
His MO for thinking something must have changed
in his favor
between Thursday and today
And told me he wanted to talk to his daughters before they went to bed
I told him
if he wanted to talk to them he was welcome to do so at the visitation center
and the visitation center would call me to set up the visits
and again, not to contact me directly

The man seriously freaks me out

AND


With school prep on the horizon
School itself starting next week
Feeling like I have been hit by a steam roller
and then bulldozed by a mac truck

The man needs to just


Until he gets his shit together and does what he's supposed to do
And with that ladies (and gents?) . . . 




No comments :

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...