Sunday, September 28, 2014

I've Become THAT Person

I've been gone for a week 
as it has been made known to me
which makes me the kind of person
or blogger, if you prefer
that I have a love/hate relationship with
and I am honestly not very happy with myself about it

I love to blog
I love to write, actually
It is one of my deepest passions 
(besides reading - but different side of the same coin IMO)
Anyway, I hate when a blogger I love to read
drops off the edge of the earth with little explanation

So, here I am and my explanation is simple but unsatisfactory
even to me
Life got in the way
I got busy
Life happened and is happening
I always hate when blogger say this because I always feel like
WELL, THEN WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING ABOUT YOUR BUSY LIFE?!?!

But the truth is 
I jot down things I would like to blog about all day
My cousin's 13th 'murder mystery' birthday party 
that I played photographer 
(literally)


My girls' first ever jog-a-thon 
where they ran 12 and 15 laps respectively in 20 minutes
(7 laps is a mile)



I have wanted to write about my opinions
on some of the disturbing things going on in our world
my ebbing and flowing sadness surrounding that
and other things
Still being sick
Wondering if this is something more serious than just what the doctors are finding
Worrying
A LOT

I have wanted to write about the girls' experiences at school
with new teachers
and bullies
and friends
and social dynamics
and the school/mommy politics 
that all parents who don't home school their children
MUST ENDURE



And yet 
those notes sit without elaboration on my notes app in my iPhone
and they sit there FOREVER
and then eventually I delete them
not only because I don't think they are worthy of writing about anymore
but because by then it has been so long
that I don't even know what to write about

So that is my explanation of absence
Except also,
It is ROUGH being a single mom
Not just physically 
but it is emotionally draining
mentally fatiguing
It is ROUGH pulling the brunt of the weight alone
and there is no way to explain it adequately 
to someone who has never experienced it
(kinda like labor pains)
It is ROUGH when you have family seeing into your life 
as a third party
with so many opinions on how you should do something 
or what you're doing wrong
that is makes your head spin
I also realize it would be truly ROUGH to endure it all truly alone
for that I am thankful
That I am NOT truly alone

And so, instead of blogging
In my free time
When I'm not
volunteering, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, rebuffing the ex, trying to figure out how I'm going to teach Spanish in January, going to doctor after doctor trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, and all that fun jazz
I am enjoying my solitude
Reading good books, watching good shows 
(Once Upon a Time truly has me hooked now)
I am enjoying my family over coffee 
(of which I realize I am drinking far too much of these days)
And enjoying life



So,
Thanks for understanding 
and being here when I do pop in 


3 comments :

  1. I think it's awesome you're taking care of you! I enjoy the blogs, but we all know that life comes in sometimes and you need a break. I just wish your illness was improving. And I hope it does soon. Feeling sick and yucky all the time just makes life even more miserable. ((HUGS))

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  2. The blogosphere is lucky to have dedicated bloggers and everyone needs a holiday now and then. Hope you find some relief from whatever is making you feel unwell.

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  3. I totally feel you! When a blogger I like to read stops posting daily or regularly I don't like it either. BUT I find myself doing it more and more. I just don't feel like it and have nothing to say when I could be blogging (like now) Lately I feel like a big old ball of whine and I don't want to be a whiner.

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