Monday, June 30, 2014

I am a {Goo} Hoarder . . . Among Other Random Ramblings

I recently heard the term 'goo hoarder'
And it basically is a girl who collects all sorts of beauty products
Lotion, lip gloss, shampoo, conditioner,
perfumes, body wash, nail polish etc
And I must admit
I am a goo hoarder
Among other things
But to start with I have twenty plus bottles of half used lotion

I have at least 15-20 half used lip glosses
I have so many body spray/gel/soap things
I have at least 50 different nail polishes
even though some with an untrained eye
might say I have many of the same color
*amateurs*

{the above are just what is out and not what are in boxes}

You would think
I was trying to drown in good stink or something
In addition to all that I have regular perfumes 
A dozen bottles at least
Half finished of course
I have a drawer and a makeup case filled with makeup

{again, just what is in the most accessible places and not what is in boxes}

I have several bottles of shampoo and conditioner
As you may have guessed
half empty each of them
And the list goes on and on

I have realized I am a bit of a hoarder in other areas as well
Is this a bad thing?
A normal thing?
A girl thing?
A mom thing?
I dunno

I have an issue with hoarding movies
I have a crap-ton
Especially of the animated Disney variety 
And I can't not buy one when I go shopping

I also hoard photos
I take them like my life is going to get away from me
And I have the hardest time deleting them off my phone
Even if they are severely blurred
or are completely pointless
Like a picture of one of my girl's feet
Seriously, one day I probably won't even remember 
whose foot it was
Let alone the moment it was taken
or even why it was taken
so I should delete the photo
should
would
might
so hard
agh

WARNING
Period Talk Ahead

Do YOU know what SUCKS?
Getting your period
The full on PMS three-five days prior
Bloating, swelling, cramping, headaches, hot flashes
BEING A BITCH CRANKY



Then finally you get some spotting
and you know you're in for the long haul
even though you hope and pray
24/7
that it will just stay some residual spotting
But no, within the day or so you are bleeding like a sieve
Wondering if you might die from massive internal hemorrhage
Laying in bed with a heating pad on your pelvis
Because burning the shit snot out of your belly
is the only way to take the edge off the pain
Then having to endure it all for the next full 7 days
No no
It's not over there
For most it would be over there
And any normal girl could go on with her life
for the next 3 weeks until it happens all over again
NOT ME
No
I gett a 3 day reprieve
And then outta the flippin blue
The cramping
bleeding
curled in a ball on the bed
AGONY FROM HELL
returns with a vengeance

What I want to know is;
How does my uterus hold all of that?!?!
I have no clue
They (whoever they are) say
that one 'menstruation' actually only releases
about a tablespoon of blood
Yeah.effin.Right

Tell that to the pad that is overflowing
The underwear and pants that are completely ruined
The bed sheets that either need to be bleached 
or BURNED
(kill them with fire)
or hidden from anyone's sight. EVER
One tablespoon my big butt

So, yeah

I am on day 4 of the 'return of the period from hell'
I am hoping she is on her way out
Or I might be on my way out
OF MY EVER.LOVIN'.MIND!!

Maybe THAT is why my foot is still swollen?
Nice idea right?
When the bleeding stops, so will the swelling
Somehow I am thinking not
I dunno
Just an inkling
I'm never that lucky

On that note
. . . . . . . . .

Some photos of my princesses





Goodnight World
XOXOX


This Whole Ankle Thing . . .

I have had these damned swollen ankles since June 6th
It is June 30th and they just.aren't.letting.up
Oh sure, at night after I sleep
They LOOK better 
But my right foot is still swooshing with water retention
I can feel it
And it is tight
And it burns
And it aches
And I am so done

My first trip to the doctor proved unsuccessful
When I was told to do what I have always done
Elevate feet as much as possible
Hydrate
Eat low sodium
Use the compression socks my grandpa let me use
If they help
Do some ankle/calf exercises etc etc etc

TO NO FLIPPIN' AVAIL

Next trip she took blood and urine
All normal
Well fudge it all
How can it all be normal if my feet still aren't?

I then went to an urgent care doctor 
who prescribed a full leg ultra sound for DVT (aka blood clots)
Went to that
They pressed the shizz outta my veins
and guess what?
Can you guess?
If you guessed that all my veins were
'so cute and compressed properly' 
Then you would be psychic
Knowing exactly what the ultrasound tech told me

So here I sit
My doctor called this morning to discuss it with me
But
At 7:55 am 
On summer vacation
ya know
I'M SLEEPING
So, I didn't get the call
Now I have to wait for 3-4pm 
when she said she will call back

I'm so tired of this

On another note
Living situations could be changing very soon
Craziness is upon the horizon!!!
Well, for everyone but the girls and me
But we will have new people living with us
So, that could be  . . . interesting
to say the least
We shall see how the days progress before I say any more

I do know I need to purge my apartment
Like.Everything
Just throw it out
Pronto

Until later . . . 
(unless I accidentally chuck my laptop of course)

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Thanks For Visiting

My blog is undergoing a cosmetic makeover
It should look 'normal' again soon

#backthatazzup and . . . Ready Set Go!

Hey peoples!

I haven't done a fun link-up or silly post in a while so I thought I would do that

I need some more fun in my life

and when I think of fun
 MUSIC is basically synonymous

So I'm doing a link up over at I Wore Yoga Pants to Work
(Cuz it's fun and I love her blog)


Ready Set Go (feat. Capital Kings) by Royal Tailor on Grooveshark

Have you heard this song?!

It makes me wanna dance!

How about you? 

What song makes you just wanna jump up and move?


Monday, June 16, 2014

Update on Doctor and Birthday News

I went to the doctor today
convinced that the swelling in my feet 
was caused by high blood pressure
after all when it was last checked at the dentist's office
it was about 164/112 - aka hypertensive
(for those that don't know 120/80 is average)
They weighed me 
and my water retention has caused me to gain 10lbs in 8 days
((ugh))
After, my blood pressure was taken
and I was waiting for the nurse to say 
with that 'you really need to do something about this tone'
your blood pressure is xxx/xx
instead she said, your blood pressure is 118/88
they generally put more emphasis on the first number apparently 
which is in normal range 
even though the lower number is considered 'pre-high blood pressure' range
So, my doctor says my blood pressure is NOT the cause of my water retention
Thank goodness
And uh oh at the same time
So she sent me for a blood panel
blood sugar
Heart Failure testing
Renal failure (kidneys) testing
cholesterol levels
hormone levels
and a few other things will be tested
I will know the results Wednesday or Thursday
((fingers crossed and prayers would be much appreciated))

On a different note my Sassy turned 6 this past Monday
6!!
Where has the time gone?
And soon Miss Breezy will be 5
My.Mind.Is.Blown

We moved into my mom's house
When Sassy was 1.5
And Breezy was only 3 months old
We are eons away from the life we lived before here
And now they are going to be 5 and already turned 6
I am gobsmacked and so thankful every day
for the beautiful young ladies I am raising
And that God is gently teaching me patience and compassion
empathy and sympathy
through the loving hearts and open minds of my babies

A few throw backs
My Sassy in her first few months of life


 And BLINK -- she has turned into a beautiful 6 year old


Until next time ...



Physical Agony

As I type I am sitting here
with compression socks on my feet
because my feet have decided to swell up to double their size
No amount of
water intake
exercise
elevation
minimizing salt
or even these damn compression socks
seem to help in decreasing the swelling
My skin is shiny and stretched to its limit
I can feel the fluid slosh from side to side when I walk
and I fear it has something to do with my kidneys
or my heart

In addition my nerve issue with my jaw is only staying status quo
I cannot touch anything cold to that side of my mouth
And on occasion, like now
I am rendered immobile and clench jawed
from the pain that radiates from the nerve in-between my upper and lower jaw
into my ear and down my neck
So, here I sit;
compression socks and a heating pad on my face on the highest heat
nearly scalding my cheek 
in the effort to ease the pain in my mouth
thinking bad bad thoughts about the dentist 
who gave me that fateful Novocaine injection
and praying my feet will stop swelling

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment
Hopefully this can be resolved
All of it
Prayers are welcome
and greatly appreciated

Until next time . . . 

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Moving Forward

This post has been a long time coming. The last time I wrote was more than a month ago. A month ago I was in a very different place, in a very different state of mind than I am now. To say I was low would be like saying the ocean is big. It just doesn't quite captivate the depth of what was truly going on. Yes, I was low. I was self-deprecating, self-loathing. I felt so empty. I felt like I had so much to offer and no realm to do it in, no one to receive it, no one who even cared to receive it and it made me feel hopeless.



There is little in this world that can manifest itself positively or negatively such as hope or the lack of it. They say that love makes the world go 'round, but I really think it's hope. Without hope it doesn't matter how much you love people or how much they love you. When you feel hopeless it is a chest pressing, gut twisting, suffocating existence. And that is where I was a month ago. Suffocating in my hopelessness.



I'm on the other side of that now. I have mourned what needed to be mourned. I have dove into it, examined it, autopsied it, dragged it through the muck and mire and come out on the other side realizing that even though the experience was necessary the catalyst for the depression was never really worth my grief. So, I have moved on and in the process of driving away from a place or situation sometimes you cannot help but look in the rear view mirror; to see the memory. Sometimes it makes you nostalgic and you have a fleeting moment of wondering why you left. But more often than not it is a reminder of the past that you never want to return to.



Summer has started here in the Pacific Northwest. I guess technically it is still spring but the weather feels like summer. HOT. HUMID. SUMMER. And I am thanking God for the sun. I am not sure I would have been able to pull myself out of my misery and self-pity if he hadn't allowed the sun to appear in this huge blue sky that is perpetually gray and wet for 290 days of the year. I am excited for new beginnings. I am hopeful - again, thank God that He has revived hope in my heart - and I am slowly progressing forward.



I am excited to go outside, which is new. Anyone who knows me, knows that nature and I just.don't.click. We are not friends. We are not frenemies. I.don't.like.going.outside, and yet here it is 80-90 degree days and I am outside walking with my family. I am enjoying watching my girls thrive in bathing suits and shorts and tank tops when for the last year all I have seen them in are warm pants, long sleeved shirts and down jackets. I love hearing the birds chirping in the morning, the crickets in the swales singing at night, the sound of lawnmowers and pressure washers and kids playing in the neighborhood. I have never enjoyed these things, like I am enjoying them now.

It brings tears to my eyes.

Having FINALLY let go of something that I have fought so hard to let go before (and even thought I succeeded a time or 100) and having finally released it into the air, into space and time for God to deal with is such a breath of fresh, revitalizing air.



My biggest little girl will turn 6 in 6 days. I am amazed at the quirky, spazzy, funny, witty, loving, waify, emotional and moody, but ever warm hearted and increasingly intelligent, gorgeous little girl I am raising. I am just.so.proud of her words cannot even describe it. And in exactly 2 months my littlest little will turn 5 and she is my spit fire on monster truck wheels. She is bull headed, and temperamental and heavy handed, and physically stronger than an ox, a say it like it is because anything else would be an insult to her intelligence kind of girl, but she is also sweet and endearing and speaks just a little bit off and says the cutest things that makes my mommy heart pump chocolate. They are my angels. I love them like no one could ever understand an unconditional love. There is nothing that I would not do for them or die trying. They.are.my.everything.




On that note, I want to make a goal of writing each day this summer, even if it is just a little something. I've already missed 2 days but it's never too late to make a goal. I look forward to it, like so much else in life right now.



Until next time ...  


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