Monday, January 26, 2015

Petting My Peeves

Did my title entice you to read out of bizarre curiosity? Haha! I realize how awkward it sounds but believe me, it was just a silly ploy to try to get people to read. Cuz, ya know, I'm desperate . . . but not really . . . now it's just getting weird . . 

ANYWHOOZLE!

I am finding that as I maneuver my way through this 31st year of life (which is strange to think because I am technically 30 . . . thus in my 31st year) that less and less really frustrates me. I do not have the short tempered fuse of my twenties anymore. I no longer feel immediate road rage on the highway when someone speeds by me or cuts me off. I no longer see blinding red rage when someone does something to inconvenience me or is inconsiderate of me or someone else. Those days have passed and moving slowly into my thirties has proved to be somewhat calming. That also might have something to do with the fact that I have had multiple anxiety attacks and so I am consciously trying to relax and not get worked up about things.



That being said there are still things that just get under my skin and make me grit my teeth, close my eyes and count to ten or twenty or one hundred depending on the severity of the circumstance. There are still things that make me squirm in my chair or make me want to walk over a slap someone . . . and I will warn you now, some of these issues are controversial so if you have walked in with your PC glasses on please kindly remove them and open your mind OR you can leave through your respective device's exit options. I promise I won't hold a grudge . . . though I might smirk and giggle a little because THAT is one of my biggest frustrations right now.




My list of things that make me go cross eyed and want to pull my hair out . . . 

Cops who tailgate you for miles
Seriously, they always appear from literally out of nowhere and then they follow so close to you that if you had to stop on a dime for whatever reason they would be up your bumper like a thong . . . not to mention that most people feel inclined (for whatever reason) to slow down below the speed limit which in turn creates crazy traffic and makes this habitually 'late arriver' even more late to wherever I'm going 




How people merging onto a freeway fail to reach a merging speed
You know who I am talking about. You are just driving along and as you get onto the freeway the person in front of you inexplicably slows down as if they have to stop before a space will open up for them in the flow of traffic. Ironically enough the exact opposite happens which again creates insane traffic on the on ramp



OR 




People who scrape their fork around the plate
I have been guilty of ACCIDENTALLY doing this before and the noise is absolutely horrific, but when people do it on purpose it makes me want to stab my fork into their thigh

Parents who plead with toddlers
There is nothing as frustrating as watching a parent plead and bargain with their 1-4 year olds as if the child has as much say in the situation as the adult. It embarrasses me for the parent when they are heard bribing, cajoling and enticing the child (especially with candy) to do what the parent wants or needs the child to do. THIS is NOT how parenting is supposed to work. 

Getting stuck at red lights, while nobody is going the other direction
This happened to me just the other night after we went to dinner. Driving home it was extremely foggy out and there were almost no cars on the road. AND YET I came upon a glowing red light (ensconced in fog which made it really creepy) that took an entire two minutes to change to green. I'm sorry, but when there is no through traffic going the other direction the light should not hesitate to change so I can avoid feeling like I am in a cheaply made thriller movie where Freddy Krueger is going to assault my car at any moment




People who park a shopping cart in the middle of the aisle of a grocery store, blocking the way for others and then walking away to gather items
This happens to me every.time.I.go.grocery.shopping and it drives me INSANE! As if the grocery store doesn't make their aisles narrow enough, then someone (usually a woman) plants her cart either right in the middle of the aisle or off to the side and walks around gathering items, oblivious to the traffic jam that they are causing. Then even more frustrating are the ones who don't even apologize or recognize that they inconvenienced about 300 other people and they grumble about how inconsiderate everyone else is. 






Parents who have their children on leashes
What is this? If you wanted a dog why not get a dog? You have a child. Teach them to stay near you. If they are having a hard time with that, hold their hand. Part of being a parent is being inconvenienced (I say inconvenienced because this is how these parents seem to view this) by taking the time to teach our kids life lessons and that includes staying where one should stay when they should stay there and where is a safe distance from mom or dad in every day circumstances. 









I THINK THE CONSENSUS SAYS, IF YOU PUT YOUR KID ON A LEASH THEY WILL INEVITABLY END UP ON THE DIRTY GROUND . . . YUCK

Dogs running around on a flatbed truck, which is going highway speed
I pray that I never see the day when a thrill seeking dog jumps out of the bed on the freeway. I have seen far too many irresponsible dog owners who have there dog running free in the truck bed or tethered so loosely they could hang themselves if they jumped. Put your dog in the cab with you gosh darnit! And if there isn't enough space crate the animal. It may seem more cruel than letting them run free but I assure you they would prefer the crate to being smooshed or hanged. 



THIS        NOT      THIS



Mispronunciation of words
The word is ASK, not AKS
The expression is DOG EAT DOG, not DOGGY DOG
The word is DROWN, not DROWNED
The words are ESPRESSO, ET CETERA and ESPECIALLY, not EXPRESSO, EXCETERA or EXPECIALLY
The expression is FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, not FOR ALL INTENSIVE PURPOSES
The word is REGARDLESS, not IRREGARDLESS
The word is ORIENT, not ORIENTATE
The word is PICTURE, not PITCHER
The word is SUPPOSEDLY, not SUPPOSABLY

AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON TO INFINITUM AND I HAVE A VERY HARD TIME NOT CORRECTING PEOPLE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SELF ELECTED GRAMMAR POLICE

Fax machines that call my home number
That shizz hurts your ears. Have you ever picked up your phone and say, 'hello?' only to be greeted by the severely high pitched squeal/shriek of someone trying to send a fax. I want to be able to *69 the jerk and rip him a new one with my grammatically correct profanity

Noisy eaters
5 WORDS: CHEW . . . WITH . . . YOUR . . . LIPS . . . CLOSED
The only excuse for chewing with your mouth open is if you have a terrible head cold or sinus infection and then I don't want to be eating with you anyway unless you are my child.
There is nothing more disgusting then the sucking smacking sound of food squishing and smooshing between your teeth and the added ick factor is that I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT EITHER!




Stopping in a crowded place or hallway or aisle
This goes along with the parking your cart in the aisle of a grocery store. DON'T JUST STOP. Move to the side, get out of the way of other people AND THEN go about your business. I really don't want to eat your hair or run directly into you because I am minding my own business and YOU decided to STOP right in front of me.

Jaywalkers
Look both ways before you cross. 'Nuff said. I don't want to kill you and you *might have the right of way but do yourself and all the bones in your body a favor and make sure the road is clear before you exercise your privilege to cross the street where it is NOT DESIGNATED



SERIOUSLY! 
LOOK!




People who think it is their way or the highway 
Self explanatory. Yours is not the only way of thinking. Nor is mine. Respect or at least 'tolerance' (a word I actually despise and not to be confused with irrational political correctness) should be taught and enforced more liberally these days (but not by people who are fanatically inclined in one direction or the other)




1 comment :

  1. I got a laugh except on the harness one. LOL People who don't have adventurous kids always say that! My issue is, most people use it incorrectly. It's not meant to be used like you do for dogs for every day use. It should really only be used in places where there is a possible danger of a child being hurt. But like you, I've seen the whole dragging the kid through Wal-mart bit! We only used ours a couple of times -- once to go to a VERY crowed parade and once to a theme park because with so many kids, we were worried he would wander off. Turns out, he's less likely to wander in crowds! So, we never really used it much. I just don't get why when at the store or just out walking, they don't use a stroller? The cart? Their hand? It's not really meant for daily use and that is my peeve with it! On the cart thing in the store... I now just use my cart to push theirs out of the way. They get the point really fast! ;) BWAHAHAHAHA!

    ReplyDelete

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