Saturday, February 21, 2015

Update

I've sat down at this here desk of mine to write a blog post probably twenty times in the last 10 days
And every time I try it just seems to inconsequential
Everything I write
I cannot summon humor
I cannot summon a serious, in depth debate or even conversation
I cannot summon the energy to write anything of any true significance
I've even tried writing a stream of consciousness post just to get the juices flowing


AND.NADA.
Yet so much has been going on

I've been on the right exercise and diet track for a bit now
I've lost close to 15lbs
I've been using my treadmill
AND I signed up for the #Dailyburn 30 day free trial that I saw advertised on Hulu
I definitely would suggest you try it 
I was not compensated to suggest that
It is just my experience has been really good so far



In other news the girls are doing great
Breezy lost her first tooth
Sassy can read chapter books (IN FIRST GRADE -I don't remember being able to do that)
Both girls are going through some emotional things
Breeze has had a bit more separation anxiety 
Sassy has had some more emotional meltdowns at home
But we are working through them
Slowly but surely



I have been teaching Spanish
And LOVING IT
The kids love it
I get tons of awesome feedback from the teachers and parents
And I am seriously falling in love with my students
(whose names I have finally FINALLY learned most of . . . ALL 80 of them)



There has also been a lot on my mind
Things I don't feel comfortable discussing here for fear of judgment
For fear that people will call me stupid, a hypocrite, a liar
I know I'm not stupid OR a hypocrite and I am definitely not a liar 
But I know the way it would read to my audience
So, I am extremely hesitant and even hard set against discussing the most prominent situation in my life right now
Which makes me sad
But relieved at the same time
My family knows about it
Is being open minded
Supports me
And understands that I am doing the very best I can with the resources I have at my disposal



Maybe and hopefully someday I will be able to write about it here
I pride myself on being an open book
Proud of who I am and the choices I make
Even if I fail and have to back pedal and restart just to do it all over again
Anyone who looks into the archives of this blog will see that
But in this particular situation I feel a vulnerability that breaches my comfort zone
It puts me in a place where I feel like I'm in a fast moving wind
And to put it out there for EVERYONE to read
And EVERYONE to judge
And EVERYONE to know
The fast moving wind would turn into a category 5 hurricane
With all the damage being done to my own psyche
My own emotions
I'm not ready for that right now



BUT, if you are the praying kind please pray for guidance for me
If you are a wisher of good luck or karma or good ju-ju or something else
I can use all the positive energy you can muster
And with that I will bid you adieu

Thank you


1 comment :

  1. But I am a nosy bitch and I wanna knowwwwwwwww Good Luck! As long as it isn't making nice with EX I am all for it. :)

    ReplyDelete

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