Saturday, December 12, 2015

I'm Baaaacccckk, 'Cuz That's Not Creepy

I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I am going to write these days. Sometimes the urge just hits me, I sit down to type and somehow a semi-decent post is created. Today I have been sitting here for about 20 minutes staring out my big bay window in front of my desk, unable to focus and unable to really think of what to write.

Yesterday was the 5th day out of 8 weeks that I overate. I blame my inability to focus on the mass amount of fat and carbs I loaded into my body and begged my mom last night after dinner to remind me how utterly miserable I feel when I eat that way. Thankfully, these days, those small reminders of nausea and constant trips to the bathroom and feeling like a bloated cow actually are sufficient to keep me on track.

I am not proud of how my day went yesterday. From the 3 vanilla bean scones, followed by the lemon loaf my kids decided they weren't going to eat, to eating the other half of my daughter's turkey sandwich in ADDITION to my own lunch. I snacked and snacked and grazed and my body literally felt like I had stretched it to capacity by the time I finished my Taco Bell Nachos Bell Grande for dinner. (I know, what the HELL was I thinking?) I literally felt as though I was going to vomit, but as I said before that feeling of complete disgust and sickness that I have put myself through 5 times now, has really propelled me to stay within my calories and guidelines of eating.

Something I am desperately UNHAPPY about is the fact that while I am exercising my body has decided to revolt against me. Because I have this wonderful disorder called hidradentitis superrativa that causes large blood and puss filled bumps to form in my armpits and groin when I sweat and then burst and cause me all kinds of pain (not to mention ruin my bras and underwear) So, being that I have joined curves and have gone religiously on the weekdays (except Friday because my kiddos were sick and home from school) and have been doing all kinds of sweating my body has decided to create all kinds of pain for me. I have 4 new bumps under one arm, 2 in the other and a couple in places I don't even want to talk about. Why does my body HATE me? I can only pray that as my body shrinks and the skin rubs together less and there is less sweaty friction that these damn bumps realize they aren't necessary.

Last night I had a scare with Sassy. As I said, the girls have been under the weather and when Sassy gets sick her nodes swell and she gets a very stiff back and neck. Well, last night was the worst she had ever experienced and every.time she gets sick my mommy's heart cringes hoping and praying that she hasn't somehow contracted bacterial meningitis. If you didn't know, bacterial meningitis is a potentially fatal infection of the fluid of the spinal chord and brain stem. Also if you didn't know, the only way to 100% detect it is to do a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) and the last thing I will tell you in case you didn't know is that one of the main symptoms is being unable to tip your head forward to touch your chin to your chest. Well, whenever Sassy gets sick she is unable to tip her chin to her chest. Thankfully it always has to do with the size of her lymph nodes and not any bacterial infection. Last night however she was unable to turn or tilt her head in ANY direction which scared the living BAJEEZUZ out of me. I prayed and prayed after I had settled her in bed with a heating pad on her neck that she would have better neck movement in the morning and THANK THE GOOD LORD she was able to touch her chin to her chest this morning. GOD IS GOOD.

Sadly though, my mom who has been having some severe dizziness and falling issues woke up and couldn't get out of bed this morning due to being intensely nauseated and feeling like her eyes were wobbling inside her head. GREAT! So, I immediately made a doctors appointment for her on Monday. Now if everyone can just stay healthy for Christmas I would be greatly obliged!

And on that note, I think I have finally decided to come back online . . .

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

That Time I Didn't Post When I Normally Would Have

I haven't posted since October, but you wouldn't notice because my blog has been private for an eternity or so. I on the other hand have been up to some stuff in these couple of months. Without writing or posting about it or discussing it at all I have actually been succeeding at this whole weight loss thing. The day of my 31st birthday I weighed around 365 lbs. The day after my 31st birthday I weighed in at 359.9 lbs. I decided that enough was enough. I have a trip in April I wanted to feel healthy for and I want to be ALIVE dammit!!

So the day after my birthday I re-opened my myfitnesspal diary, deleted ALL the old entries (some from as old as 2010) and started new. Myfitnesspal tells me how many calories I should be eating daily to lose the recommended 2 lbs a week and I have followed that religiously -- all but 4 days of these 8 weeks - The first day was Halloween where I did not binge but I did go past my calories and then again during the day before, the day of and the day after Thanksgiving. I had only planned to eat over my calories on Thanksgiving, but no one is perfect, right?

I am now down  16.6lbs in 8 weeks (real weight. I didn't count the initial loss) I have also made the leap to be more active and joined Curves . . . a gym of sorts that is only for women, uses strength training circuits, yoga, balance, dance and zumba. I sweat like crazy, feel my muscles working and am actually feeling stronger and good about myself . . . FINALLY!

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