Thursday, December 22, 2016

The Fat Mother

I haven't been around these parts in a while
I HAVE spent a lot of time making new great friends
I HAVE spent a lot of time volunteering at my kids' school
I HAVE spent a lot of time NOT losing weight


  • I have had more anxiety in the last year than ever before
  • I have had more opportunities that I had to turn down due to my weight for one reason or another than ever before
  • For the first time ever my children had to wait an extremely long amount of time to eat at a restaurant because I couldn't fit in the available booths and we had to wait for a table with chairs
  • I have on several occasions had to ask for either special seating, handicap seating or a completely separate seat due to the width of my backside at theater and movie events
  • I have on several occasions truly wondered if the anxiety I was experiencing was an actual heart attack - today being a prime example when my entire airway completely closed up, I got chills and my heart started thudding crazily ... NOT.COOL
  • I see other people who started losing weight in 2010 when I initially started who have been in maintenance for a very long time and I mentally kick myself
    (because, you know, my physical heal can't actually reach my own ass due to the vast circumference of my thighs)
  • And as if all that isn't enough, I now weight officially what I weighed when I was pregnant with Breezy ((head in hands))
Maybe 2017 will be better for my goals
I don't make promises to anyone anymore
Maybe 2017 I will be able to stay on track
Again I won't make promises
But I will try
I can't ever stop trying

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Sexy Saturday

Full disclosure, as a single mom with no romantic interests and no single friends there is absolutely nothing sexy about my Saturday. At.all. It was all a ploy. Do you feel duped? I'm sure you'll manage to forgive me and get over it. For your sake that would be the healthy option.

That being said, I found out yesterday that I have a hernia, or a torn abdominal muscle, or both. The doctor doesn't really know and says because of my 'weight issue' she was having a hard time 'manipulating' my muscles. Truth be told, I need no manipulation of my muscles or anything else, thank you very much ... I just wanted her to tell me I wasn't dying, because again full disclosure; I am a full blown hypochondriac and as soon as I felt that weird burning, tearing, aching, unnatural sensation just below my right breast every time I bent over or did anything that engaged my abs I could swear a tumor was growing bigger and bigger and soon it would crush my lungs or my heart or both and I would die. Ok, I'm not that bad. But I did want her to tell me it was a muscle tear or a hernia because generally those situations aren't fatal.

So now that I have at least one but possibly both of those (she will order a CT scan to confirm if I am not feeling better within 2 weeks) I am not allowed to lift more than 5lbs which I promotly forgot today and lifted my 55lb screaming brat child off the floor and carried her to her bed for timeout. I also consciously cuddled our kitties who weigh 12 and 16lbs respectively and I'm not even ashamed. Their cuddles and purrs make me feel safe. Yeah, that's a jab at some people. Again, I feel no shame. I do feel extremely nauseated though. I suppose I deserve it.

On a serious note, I picked up all the photos I had separated for my sisters wedding slideshow and resorted them from 'photos that look so adorable together I could vomit', to 'pictures of him' and another pile of 'pictures of her'. It was actually a very sad 10 minutes as I sat on the floor and thought back through the few months they had been engaged and all the excitement we had felt. I feel especially bad for her even though according to those closest to her she is doing exceptionally well. Apparently she invited him over to ask him red flag questions last night to make sure she had made the right decision. Aaaand apparently he failed each question, confirming for her in her mind that she had made the right decision to cancel the wedding. Now to store the dress, get deposits for locations, photographers, and honeymoon reservations back. It is a true blessing in disguise that they weren't able to come to an agreement on invitations until recently and they were only about to order them. Telling hundreds of guests with newly received invitations that the wedding is off before they even have time to read the card would be a little awkward.

 And now I am ready for bed, but I can't go to bed. On the weekdays I pride myself on being a strict and well scheduled mom of two incredibly responsible and well behaved little girls who clean up their messes and get in their jammies when I tell them it's bedtime without complaint. We pray and sing and they fall asleep like angels. #truestory #noexaggeration I then tuck them in, kiss their sweet soft cheeks and climb into my own bed to either watch some Tv or go to sleep myself.  #thegoodlife  But I don't like to be tyrant mommy on Friday and Saturday . It's just too exhausting to make it an every day thing. So bedtimes go out the window, desserts are free-for-all and it's not unheard of to fall asleep to the blaring TV. Right now, at 11:30 pm Sass is reading to Breezy in their bedroom as they play dolls. I think it's adorable and wouldn't trade it for an extra wink of sleep or anything else ever. That doesn't mean I can't close my eyes and listen to the story also though. So goodnight blog world.   

 Until next time ...

Friday, May 20, 2016

My Heart Breaks ...

Today is a sad day in our family. In February there was an engagement and throughout these past three months we were planning and day dreaming and getting ready for the big day ... the wedding. Magazines and websites and ideas galore were poured over, meticulously choosing what was good and what was not. The bride and bridesmaids and flower girls' dresses were bought, the groom and groomsmen's suit colors were chosen, engagement photos were taken, invitations were picked out, a wedding website set up, decorations were chosen and being handmade, music was being selected, photos were being collected for a slideshow during the reception, the church was designated, the pastor picked and marital counseling scheduled. The date was set.

 My heart breaks for her because today - a day that I think will mark the bride's heart for the rest of her life - she let us know that the wedding has been cancelled. The relationship has been irreparably broken and the groom cannot even speak to her ... But not because of what she has said or done. Rather because of what he has done. He broke the trust. He broke the promise and he soiled and wrinkled the pristine piece of white paper that was their relationship. He can't undo it. He can't take it back and the worst part is he planned to lie about it through omission. He planned to let the bride marry him with this burden on his shoulders, in his mind, and in his heart. She isn't a crier and as she related the news to us her eyes did not well. Her tone remained even and her voice steady but I could see it in her expression, and in the almost imperceptible tremble of her thin fingers. She is shaken ... to the core.

This was the man she had planned to spend the rest of her life with. She planned to have children with him. She had planned their future. And now it is just gone. Being a soft hearted and easily conflicted person, she is worried that she is throwing it all away for something that others might see as trivial. She hurts for him, knowing that he is suffering because he knows he hurt her. She worries a lot; about life and her choices in it. I assured her, in this situation, she made the very best decision. A couple cannot base their marriage on the foundation of distrust and deception. She has heard this from everyone she trusts but still doesn't trust her own judgement. My heart truly breaks for her.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

A Friend is like a Good Bra . . .

I have been going through some trying times; with different family members for different reasons and with myself, internally - emotionally. I feel like a big, sad, hot mess.

Today, things were going ok, to be optimistic. I had a massive cup of coffee . . . and then I had MORE COFFEE and that was about the best part of the day.

From there things kinda slid downhill like a whale down a water slide. I got home from having ALL THE COFFEE and realized I had received two texts from a friend and from a family member asking for help in one area or another of their lives. Normally, this would not affect me but not only did it stress me out that I had to say no to my family member because of the space in my car she required that I . . . but I had to go pick up Breezy early due to a field trip she wasn't going to attend which meant if I were to acquiesce my friends request I would have to go back to the school AGAIN soon after. Add to that the clouds had come back to kill the sun and it was raining and my mind just was to be called upon for help and even less in the right place to have to say no or be faced with the dilemma of saying no. I became overwhelmed. Top that off with my mom and I arguing about what I would be making for dinner because apparently I owe her and well, it all sounds silly but in my mind in those moments I thought I was going to implode . . . and I may have. I'll check my laundry later.

Fast forward a bit and I go to pick up Sassy. My brain is still in a funk. The clouds are still raining on me, feelings of failing the people who had asked me for help danced cruelly through my head spinning unnecessary webs of guilt and as we are backing out of the parking lot of the school **CRASH**, I totally backed into someone waiting in the pickup line. Cue my adrenaline response. I calmly hauled it back into my parking space, grabbed my wallet, told the girls I would be right back and got out of the car, preparing to confront the accordioned back end of the vehicle I had plowed into. Out of the small blue Honda, who has also parked perpendicular to me, emerges this very tall, large, well dressed man and I immediately begin to apologize profusely. I even start to open my wallet to retrieve my insurance information, but he seems unphased as he checks the bumper (which admittedly was in poor shape across the board with stickers and prior scrapes and dents) looked up at me and was like, 'Hey no problem. It happens and I don't see any damage.'
My heart nearly burst from my chest and I hesitantly asked, 'You don't want my information?'
And his response of, 'Nah, no harm done,' sent me apologizing and thanking him profusely for the grace he bestowed upon me.

I must have looked like a blithering idiot.

And then I turned around AND BECAME A BLITHERING IDIOT.

I started back to my car and hot tears literally rolled in big splattering drops off my cheeks and onto my jacket. I got in the car and of course both girls were anxious to see me crying. I told them I was ok. No one was hurt and mommy was just very stressed. Sassy tried to console me with the drama that had unfolded between two of her friends in class and I will admit it cheered me a bit to hear about their silly antics. Even still I sobbed quietly the entire way to the produce market where I was going to buy dinner . . . once we arrived, I pulled myself together and bought the food that later my family wouldn't even eat.

((Insert super angry emoji face here))

When I got home I realized I had two new texts. One from a friend of mine who we will call mama K and the other we will call Mama M.

Mama K reminded me in her text what a good friend I had been to her and thanked me, giving me some much needed and thankfully unrequested validation on a day where I literally felt as though the world was imploding in on me.

Mama M's text reminded me that my friends are there for me. That we mamas have to stick together and if I ever needed anything, she was there.

My heart overflowed. Where the dark void had filled me all day with sadness and depression my cup suddenly overflowed with gratitude that without knowing my struggles, my friends had pulled my up by my bootstraps and reminded me that I am ok. Life is ok. There are good and gracious people in the world. I am a decent person and I have wonderful friends to be very thankful for.

Even now, feeling a sad sense of nostalgia as I sit here writing, I know that I will have days like today. Where even the smallest mishaps will feel like the world is ending. But I need to remind myself that I love and I am loved and life is really actually very good.

The Cuckoos Nest

There is literally so much to write about and so little time, energy, and even resources to write it all. First off I have 4 laptops in my home and they have all but one decided to go to the technological highway in the sky, aka blue screen hell heaven. The one that still works has a malfunctioning backlight so the screen will intermittently go completely black and I nearly burst all the blood vessels as I close the lid, wait for the damn thing to hibernate and then wake it back up, in hopes that the light decides to work. It is also missing keys in the keyboard so when I need to press the '6' button I have to consciously hit it HARD.

In other news, I have gone the way of the Wheat Free Sugar Free diet and have fallen off a few several times. In those times I have fallen off I have found just how detrimental sugar and wheat products are to my body. After several weeks on no wheat and no sugar if I consume any wheat or any significant amount of sugar I turn into a sweaty, swollen, tummy aching mess which tells me those two things are NOT GOOD FOR ME! ((Gasp)) So I have cut out things like bread, crackers, pretzels, cereals made of wheat, cookies, cakes, muffins, and all things candy, fruit juice, sugar laden junk and processed a lot of processed foods etc. What I do eat are whole foods such as fruit, veggies, meats, dairy (except for yogurt - it's just not healthy people!) corn, potatoes and rice as well as 60% or higher cacao chocolate and coffee . . . BUCKETS OF COFFEE! And when I stick to it, I feel really damn good! The swelling goes down, my PMS goes extinct, my body doesn't ache and the fatigue goes away as well.

I have been going to Curves for some time now and what can I say? I love the hell outta the fact that there are no men. Some women who look like men, but no men and most of the women are for lack of better world . . . OLD. I love that! I don't feel pressured to 'compete', I don't feel inferior to their rockin' abs or rock solid asses. (Well, there are actually some old biddies who have pretty rockin' bodies, but the fact that they're old still makes me feel better) I love that the majority of the exercises are sitting down. (Counter productive? Don't judge!) The only thing I am not a fan of is when I am doing the circuit and I am in the zone and the person in front of me forgets to move or decides to 'rest' on the machine and I have to stay on the machine I am already on and whatever I am working out feels like it might just fall off. OR when I am focused on my workout and someone wants to have a deep meaningful conversation about their life and it's like . . . I can't concentrate on YOU right now. I'm sweating blood onto the floor. GO.AWAY.

Tomorrow I am headed off to the doctor to see if I have an upper abdominal hernia. I have some of the symptoms like GERD, hardening of one side of my stomach, pain when moving the muscle associated near that hardness and some awful nausea. I am really praying it is not a hernia but also going to be relieved if it isn't something worse because I am a total hypochondriac and any pain, twitch or lump immediately brings thoughts of heart attack, cancer or some other fatal disease that will surely be my demise into my brain. I have a masochistic brain. Don't judge.

I am sure you all are following the political circus our country is currently participating in. I am seriously appalled at so many political, ethical, moral, politically correct things right now, it would take an entire novel to hash it out and I might die from the heart attack or stroke it might induce. Every time I hear a certain candidates name my blood pressure sky rockets, every time I hear the friggin' word 'bathroom' my blood boils and every time I hear about the Zika virus my anxiety kicks in. In the back of my mind I KNOW that these things should NOT affect me the way they do. I know I should not allow the unrest of the world cause me such grief that it causes me physical ailments. But dammit, if the world isn't a friggin' stressful pile of donkey dung right now . . . no insinuation toward any political party - well, maybe a little.

My girls are doing awesome in school and in life. Both have highest honors, have been student of the month and are generally just really great and well rounded kids despite (and in spite of) the absence of their sperm donor father. He is currently in Mexico, on vacation for the last 3 weeks. He speaks to the girls on occasion (when they want to talk to him) and hasn't seen them in a blue moon or five. He seriously takes the cake when it comes being a non-involved lazy sack of you-know-what dad.

On the other more positive hand the school year is winding down and with it I realize I will soon me mama to a second and third grader. When I first started this blog more than 8 years ago, I was married, Breezy wasn't even a sparkle in my naive little eye and Sass was the tiniest little bundle. In that time there have been books written, moves, trips, divorces, drug addictions, physical injuries, job loss, bankruptcies, engagements and so much more. It's hard to believe that nearly a decade has passed. Well, here's to summer and the ever continuing movement forward into the future.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

2016 - The Year of My Best Body

I am NOT an Oprah Winfrey fan but I was recently watching a show on Hulu and a commercial came on where Oprah was saying, 'Let's make 2016 the year of our best bodies'. For some reason that spoke to me because that is exactly what I am aiming to do. I am making 2016 the year of my very best body. I am not there yet but I am well on my way.

I am eating fresh, real foods that not only contribute to my weight loss but stabilize my hormones and as a result my emotions and moods. I am feeling strong and healthy after working out at Curves 5 days a week. I find great joy in the soreness I experience after a good workout. I feel great satisfaction eating the foods I enjoy below my calorie cap and excluding the processed and harmful foods I had been eating before. I am ecstatic in knowing it is helping me in every aspect of my life; Weight loss and hormone stabilization are just two ways. I also have more energy, more mental clarity, no more headaches or migraines, my quality of sleep is better and best of all my anxiety is much more easily controlled with positive thinking and deep breathing. Whereas before it would take almost an hour or more to recover from any type of anxiety.

I am close to 30lbs lost now. 30lbs in 3 months. I am aiming for 100lbs in a year and while I am not currently posting progress photos or advertising my weight. That is coming because it is being documented in both photos, weight and measurements. Here is too the year of MY BEST BODY; 2016!!

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Binge Eating Loosens Its Hold

Over at Runs for Cookies, (my very favorite blog to read) Katie has been talking about binge eating and binge eating disorder (BED). This mini series of hers got me thinking and I realized that until I became an adult I had never really thought about the fact that I had been binge eating my whole darn life. When I was a small child I obviously didn't know what a binge was and as a teenager I thought I was only over eating. I was always so ashamed of how much food I was capable of consuming and always thought there was something wrong with me. Especially when friends' parents would point it out. 'Wow, your friend really knows how to eat,' was one of the biggest gut punches I ever felt. Yet I still didn't realize that my issue wasn't unique to me. I really thought until I was in my early twenties that no one else would understand my eating problem, but call it over eating or call it binging; a binge by any other name is still a binge and I had literally been eating my life away since I was 7 years old.

A lot of people associate BED with childhood trauma or depression or something significantly bad. My BED was a result of not being taught early on how to cope with ANY emotion. Be my mood happy, sad, angry, jealous, celebratory, or excited I was never taught how to channel and control those emotions and I feel like I have always felt things exponentially more severe than others which was not a good combination. Of course, I don't completely blame my mom or my grandparents or great grandparents who raised me. My great grandparents were too old and my grandparents and my mom were dealing with their own issues that created a ripple effect into my life. They themselves didn't know how to control their own problems and so how was it going to be possible for them to even recognize that I had any let alone teach me how to control them.

I have mentioned before that when my mom married my step-dad when I was seven years old and I had to leave the only home I had ever known with my grandparents, that my eating problems worsened. I distinctly remember  being somewhere around 8-9 years old binging on an entire box of Popsicles and another of fudgcicles while I listened to my mom and step-dad argue on the phone. I distinctly remember eating not one but two bags of dry top ramen alone in my room, though I don't really remember why I was alone. I remember going out to dinner and gauging how I ate so that I was NEVER the first person done. After the last bite of my dinner this feeling of mourning would come over me and I would feel tempted to reach out and steal the food off other peoples' plates. I remember that my favorite part of going out to eat was dessert and that when I looked down at my empty dinner plate and felt that gut wrenching remorse of being 'finished' that I was always quickly comforted, knowing dessert was coming. I used to hoard cookies and crackers and candy as if people were purposely keeping me from it. I would steal candy from my teachers' special jars that were meant for rewards during class. If someone told me I could only have 1 or 2 of something (such as cookies) I would make sure to sneak extra.

And all of the above was before I even started puberty.

Now, as an adult, looking back on my childhood I can pinpoint a couple places in my life where I could technically say, THAT was a moment that triggered my binges but what I often wonder is where exactly were the adults in my life and why didn't they recognize the huge problem brewing. I can answer that, just as I did a couple paragraphs up. They were busy; working and dealing with their own short comings and life issues but part of me always wonders that if they had caught my disorder early would things have been different for my emotionally and physically?

Now, as an adult, I look at my issues and I try to compartmentalize them. I try to figure out what emotions trigger my binges more than others and what foods exacerbate the urge. Anxiety, sadness, and anger are the biggest contributors to my binges but distraction and being busy helps immensely when an urge comes on. I have had to teach myself this technique but it only works 50% of the time.

Anxiety, which I experience most often in the evening, as I said is a huge trigger for binges. My mind races and I worry unnecessarily about things 100% out of my control but it is as if my mind is 100% out of control because I cannot stop the inundation of unwelcome and often scary and horrifying scenarios that plague me. Depression and sadness is also one of the biggest provocations toward a binge. Regret and remorse about things on a regular day I generally don't feel regret or remorse about often hit me like a ton of bricks. My divorce, adopting out my favorite cat, disciplining my children too harshly (verbally, of course) and a whole other slew of things create the perfect melting pot for a stormy binge sesh.

And the funniest thing (which actually isn't funny at all) is there don't have to be specific foods in the house to be conducive to a binge. If there aren't chips (my biggest trigger) or ice cream (my second biggest trigger) I will just as happily (or unhappily as it were) chow down on cheez-its, hand fulls of peanuts (which I don't necessarily like) a dozen cutie/halo oranges, string cheese, peanut butter, tostada shells plain, plain white rice (which I generally loathe) . . . and the list goes on and on . . . basically a binge will happen regardless of what foods are in the house. As Katie said, the only way to 100% escape or avoid a binge is to literally remove every ounce of food from the house.

I am currently 13 days binge free. Two weeks tomorrow and I am slowly plodding forward. I have found removing the white flour (all wheat by-products) and most of the white sugar from my diet (there is still a little in the flavored creamer I use) has helped immensely with hormone stability and therefore mood stability and I am better able to cope with any severe emotion I may experience without tending toward a binge.

Last night my ex husband got mad at me because after he invited us out to dinner and he invited himself over to our house I gently sent him home because my girls had had plans to watch a movie with my mom. After he got home I got a barrage of texts from him saying all kind of ridiculous things from how I am keeping him from his children, to I need to pray and ask God to take away my blinders, to simple craziness like how I lied to him when I said the girls didn't have plans (I hadn't known about their agreement to watch a movie with my mom when I told him we didn't have plans) and things similar. On any other night I would have put the girls to bed and sought comfort in the pantry and the freezer and the fridge only to be followed by another round of pantry, freezer, fridge. Thankfully, I was able to pray it out, give it to God and go to bed without consuming ANY-THING except a glass of iced tea because I was parched. Even though I fell asleep irritated and agitated and seething, I was also deeply calmed by the effect that even though HE thought he could control me FOOD was losing its hold on me.

Until next time . . .

Sunday, January 24, 2016

A Hard Time Letting Go

My ex husband and I have been on awesomely civil and completely platonic terms lately and I keep thinking to myself how much better friends we make than spouses or lovers. When sex is eliminated from the equation I found we actually have quite a bit to talk about. Our kids obviously are the main topic but we also have similar interests in foods, music, traveling etc. For several months now we had been just chugging along with our bad selves getting along and everything was hunky dory.

Then his big.bad.hernia came into play and suddenly he needed me to help him at the doctors with interpretation (because even though I am not competent enough professionally, I am totally competent enough to translate for my ex husband) We spent two weeks together almost every day going here and there for exams and cat scans, MRIs, consultations etc. We got pretty close, all the while remaining 100% platonic.

During this time of his big.bad.hernia he was on some medications for the pain. Medication he was supposed to take and NOT DRIVE. Well, being the rebel without a cause that he is, HE DROVE, and do you know what happened? He got in an accident and as if that wasn't bad enough, his insurance had expired about a week before. So, now he has his big.bad.hernia, an un-insured motorist accident AND about $1500 in damages to his car. He took his car to the shop with the help of one of his nephews and all was good because, hey, he has another car . . . which upon trying to turn it on DIED. He took it to the same guy who was fixing his other vehicle to find that to fix everything that was wrong with the second car it would cost him about $1800. (deep sigh)

Then as the saying goes, when it rains it pours, he gets sick and not just runny nose, sore throat, cold with a fever kind of sick . . . but all out vomiting, high fever, body cramps, severe flu kinda sick. Which brings us to yesterday morning which is about two days past the peak of his illness. He is finally starting to get better and I get a phone call from him. Sassy answers and I tell her to tell him I can't talk because I had just spilled melted frozen strawberry juice all over the wood floor and I needed to clean it up before it stained. Well, apparently it was life or death because he told Sassy he needed to talk to me NOW. He hasn't done that in a very long time.

A little back story. My ex husband lives with one of his nephews. He has three here in the United States. The one he lives with. The one who helped him with his car and another one who likes to be unto himself and doesn't play a huge role in any of our lives. That being said, the nephew who he lives with is quite the heathen and has been for as long as I can remember. A very ill-tempered, hot blooded, mean spirited, sarcastic and negative individual with nothing nice to say about anything. Well, my ex husband had mentioned while he was sick that this nephew had been acting strangely, saying strange things and doing even stranger things. My ex husband didn't think much of it, but in the back of his mind he thought the behavior was much like his brother who had started having psychotic episodes before being moved back to Mexico.

That being said, come to find out, the night before last, his nephew had called 911 citing that people were coming to kill him and that he was going to kill himself. The ambulance and police came and took him the the ER where he was admitted and is now being held for mental instability. His case was elevated to being held against his will due to mental instability and now he is refusing to take the medication that calms him. I am running relay translation for my ex husband over the phone and then out of nowhere while I am talking to my ex he says, 'Don't you want to get back together so the girls can have the love of their father with them every day?'

And the rose colored glasses have been taken off. Reality has returned and once again I am faced with letting go . . . It is so very hard for me. But I can't keep doing this . . .

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Recreating Me and Stuff

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Ok, maybe not literally soul searching. That's weird. More like delving deeply into pondering my life and how I am living it and what I am doing right and what I can do better. I have also been a spectator to the lives of those around me. (Not in a creepy way) Those closest to me who share their issues and trust me . . . and I have caught myself thinking about their problems, how they often parallel my own and how we could fix them.

I have been eating well. I have my days where I want ALL THE FOOD but there haven't been days as of recent where the green monster emerges throwing it all to hell. In my last post I don't know if I mentioned how much weight I had lost. If I didn't it was probably smart of me, but I believe it was somewhere around 15 lbs. Now, more than a month later I still have only lost about 20 lbs and I believe that is sadly because CANDY, CHIPS AND EXTRA BREAD AT DINNER . . . even though I stayed within my calories of between 1500-1920. But as of a week ago I have eliminated white flour and white sugar (aka all that is good in life) from my diet after watching the 'Fat Head' documentary. In all honesty bread, pasta, candy and pastries aren't my go-to craving anyway and so to get rid of them isn't this monumental, ground breaking thing. I am really having to watch my intake of potato and corn chips though because they are technically on my 'ok' list of things to eat, but in extreme moderation. My brain rejects this ideology.

. . . and with that, I have been feeling tugged toward going back to church as of recently as well. We haven't been since before summer vacation (If I was Catholic, I suppose I would need to confess and do some hail mary's or something) and I really feel like it would be good for both the girls and myself. (as if that isn't immediately obvious -- to the fellow Christian) The human side of my rejects this idea, however, and complains, 'But then I'd have to, you know, GET UP ON TIME and GET DRESSED and (God forbid) LEAVE THE HOUSE.' I am still working on convincing that side of me that all of that is ok.

How adulting should be                      How adulting actually is

I recently went for a Spanish competency test where I found out I severely over estimated my competency. Thankfully, I am considered fluent. Unfortunately, I was not aware of how to say some of the medical terminology required of me and sadly the words for HEEL, CLOT, PIMPLE AND MISCARRIAGE completely evaporated out of my mind no matter how long I sat there and ground my teeth or scrunched my eyes closed trying to get them to come back. Needless to say, the interpreter company has not called me back. (insert sad face)

I always say I am hoping to write more in this blog and it seems I am really picking up steam with writing at least once a month! I'm gonna try to make it twice a month very soon. Until then . . .

Ohhh! Lastly, I am placing a countdown. Wahoo!! I am so stoked for April! Ticker
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